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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is ok to go for a drink with a male colleague

148 replies

Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 20:50

we have a staff night out arranged and all departments will be there ( both sexes )
A male colleague has asked if I’d like to grab a drink after , I said yes as we get on well . am I being naive ?? there is no attraction on my part

OP posts:
erja · 18/01/2019 20:50

I'd say it sounds like he's interested.

Whoishe · 18/01/2019 20:51

Yes!

Mossyhill · 18/01/2019 20:51

He’s interested!

WallisFrizz · 18/01/2019 20:51

Are you single? It sounds like he’s asking you out, otherwise he’d probably just chat to you at the do.

donajimena · 18/01/2019 20:51

Are you both single? Even if you were if you don't find him attractive or want to muddy the waters. No. Don't do it.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/01/2019 20:54

Are you married? Is he? Personally, I think it's very unwise to become too intertwined with co-workers, especially if there's a one-sided attraction involved. I doubt he would have asked you to get a drink if he's not interested in you. I wouldn't do it.

Bluntness100 · 18/01/2019 20:54

I've had lots of drinks one on one with male colleagues as I work for a male dominated company, but I've never had one ask me in advance if I'd like to go for a drink after an event one on one. Normally it's see who wants to carry on when the event finishes.

So I'd think there was something more behind this invite.

ShatnersBassoon · 18/01/2019 20:54

Yes, you're being naive. You know how dating works, right?

iklboo · 18/01/2019 20:56

You could say 'sounds good, who else is coming / shall I ask X, Y & Z if they're up for it?'

mindutopia · 18/01/2019 20:57

It’s okay to go for a drink with a male colleague, but it’s suspect to be on a works night out drinking and then go out for more drinks after alone unless you’re interested in said colleague.

SD1978 · 18/01/2019 20:57

So you will already be at the same event and socialising, then he wants to continue on afterwards with just you? That does sound like he would like to get to know you better. Are you both in a position to take anything further? A drink does not equal sex, but it may be an expression of interest if you're both available. Or also may juts be a friend thing if that's been established in advance.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 18/01/2019 20:57

Of course it’s fine. He may have all sorts of intentions but if you don’t reciprocate that’s fine. You can still go, have a drink and a nice chat.

It’s always ok!

MeredithGrey1 · 18/01/2019 21:03

I think generally it’s totally fine to go for a drink with a male colleague, but this situation sounds a bit weird - is it just you he’s invited out after the staff event?

HollowTalk · 18/01/2019 21:05

Great if you're both single, but not if you're not.

FascinatingCarrot · 18/01/2019 21:11

It does sound like hes interested. Id just let him down gently if theres nothing on your side.

Original poster
Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 21:19

We get on really well but there is zero attraction on my part . He’s married I’m about to separate . He’s been very supportive . Work do’s tend to be a bit chaotic - we usually go for good but there’s not much opportunity to have a really good chat .

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 18/01/2019 21:19

Unless he's gay, go for it.
If he's gay then tell your P he's gay, i guess?

Original poster
Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 21:20
  • food
OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 18/01/2019 21:21

You are being very naive.

Belenus · 18/01/2019 21:23

He might just be being friendly. But then again, married or not, he might be interested, particularly if you are separating. I'd go but just be a bit wary that it is just a friends thing.

TulipsInbloom1 · 18/01/2019 21:23

If it's a staff night out then why would he want to go for a drink after? I can understand the way the evening progresses people may split off or only two or three people stay til the end etc. But this is different.

MaryShelley1818 · 18/01/2019 21:24

Nothing wrong at all with going for a drink with a male colleague.
I must be out of the ordinary as I’d never presume someone was interested in me just for wanting to grab a drink.
I went out in town for a meal and drink with my ex-husband a couple of weeks ago - new husband at home with our 1yr old.
Completely 100% innocent.

londonrach · 18/01/2019 21:26

Depends dh meet an ex female colleague and her husband (also ex colleague) once in a blue moon to chat. Mind you her husband couldnt come once and dh did ask to rearrange it as he said felt strange if just female ex colleague so maybe not. Are you both single

poppingalf · 18/01/2019 21:27

I don't see anything weird about it, why is it any different to a woman? Not naive, if he then says anything you find uncomfortable you can say you're not interested etc and if that's that and it's left there I don't see why the friendship can't continue either

Kittykat93 · 18/01/2019 21:30

Sorry but it seems odd to already be at an evening event and then to pre arrange to carry on alone at the end of the night.

I had a colleague who used to do things like this, I thought he was just being friendly as he knew I was engaged. One day I received an email declaring his love for me. I left shortly after as it was too uncomfortable, but I still kick myself for entertaining his little ideas as it obviously gave him the wrong idea.