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Original poster

Is ok to go for a drink with a male colleague

148 replies

Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 20:50

we have a staff night out arranged and all departments will be there ( both sexes )
A male colleague has asked if I’d like to grab a drink after , I said yes as we get on well . am I being naive ?? there is no attraction on my part

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/01/2019 21:34

Ah, ok, maybe he's just trying to be supportive as he knows about your personal situation,

lampygirl · 18/01/2019 21:42

God I’d never socialise if it wasn’t OK to go for a drink with a male colleague. There are only 2 other female colleagues at my work and I don’t really get on with one of them. Out of a team of 30. I’m in a LTR as are all the guys in my office/dept, most are married, one was single but now has a girlfriend too and we aren’t any different with each other for it. I’ve been for food and/or drinks with all of them as groups and individually. Sometimes after work and sometimes on a weekend, you know like normal friends.

Original poster
Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 21:42

Exactly @poppingalf .. I see him as a mate no different to a female colleague. We have some good heart to hearts at work which would be quite difficult at a staff meal .
He jokes he had a huge crush on me .. it’s a bit of a running joke at work . Obvs don’t want to lead him on

OP posts:
1Redacted1 · 18/01/2019 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pootleposeyperkin · 18/01/2019 21:52

You're separating, you're vulnerable, he wants to take advantage. Don't.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/01/2019 21:55

You know he's interested in you. Going out for a drink will only lead him on.

ISmellBabies · 18/01/2019 21:55

He's asked you on a date, and you've said yes! Awks. Unless you've said something along the lines of "just as mates" I'd try to make the situation as clear as you can asap by not going.

MawkishTwaddle · 18/01/2019 21:56

Nah, he’s up to something.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 18/01/2019 21:56

Ah, no, then. Pretty much everyone knows he's interested in you.

Original poster
Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 21:58

Confusedit now feels Inappropiate some how ...... Sad

OP posts:
pootleposeyperkin · 18/01/2019 22:00

Ask him if he's bringing his wife along ?

Original poster
Melissa74 · 18/01/2019 22:03

@ismellbabies ... a drink constitutes a date ?!! Shit I’m out of practise with all this crap.
Dating / men : complications is literally the last thing I need right now

OP posts:
1Redacted1 · 18/01/2019 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HowDoYouMilkANut · 18/01/2019 22:12

Yeh I feel like the 'crush' thing changes the dynamic. Until that point I was going to say it's fine but that changes it. I'd probably go but be on my guard for any ulterior motives.

Whatjusthappenedthere · 18/01/2019 22:16

He’s married. Then Nope. Even if it’s all innocent on both your parts. He has a wife. I’m sure she would feel very hurt.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 18/01/2019 22:16

I think it's ok. I work with loads of men and socialise with them. I'm off for a 2 day trip with 3 next week. They are all married. I am married. They are my mates 🤷🏽‍♀️

Bellasorellaa · 18/01/2019 22:20

My work colleagues are all old men so I wouldn’t care it depends with you only you know him

3boysandabump · 18/01/2019 22:21

I would have said it was fine as workmates are just that wether they're male or female

But

The comment he made about having a crush on you would ask me think he had an ulterior motive tbh.

twattymctwatterson · 18/01/2019 22:22

He's trying to swoop in now that you're separating and vulnerable. He's also married so this makes him a dick

MorningsEleven · 18/01/2019 22:27

I'm going out with a male friend next week when my husband is away with work. But there's no crush on either side. And that's the key thing.

StreetwiseHercules · 18/01/2019 22:30

“He jokes he had a huge crush on me .. it’s a bit of a running joke at work”
Oh dear.

Fraying · 18/01/2019 22:31

He's 'joked' he has a crush on you. This isn't about being out of practice, it's about being naive or deliberately obtuse.
Tell him you can't make it and step back from the 'friendship'.

BitOfFun · 18/01/2019 22:32

He's definitely sharking. I'd give it a wide berth unless you want to introduce a whole new level of complications into your work and love life.

It's all very well saying that you aren't obliged to reciprocate, but it's going to be incredibly awkward if he shows you his cock hand.

Swerve at all costs.

limpbizkit · 18/01/2019 22:37

It sounds like he's propositioning you. Unwise to agree to it unless you're interested in him in that way

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 18/01/2019 22:38

Absolutely not. He is married, and you are recently separated. He is obviously after you, and after a shag. EWWWWW.... What a slimeball.

I don't care what anyone else says or thinks, IMO, a married man socialising one-to-one with another woman (especially a single one,) is unacceptable.

Any man who loves his wife, and cares about her feelings, would not be engaging in little tête-à-têtes with a single woman. It's well dodgy, and horribly disrespectful to his wife.

A married man and a single woman meeting together, (just the two of them) is off limits IMO. Same with a married woman and a single man. No. Just no. Hmm