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CF and lifts. How to handle it.

286 replies

TheLostTargaryen · 18/01/2019 16:30

I'll try and keep this short. Obnoxiously rude kid and his equally rude siblings keep demanding lifts because we live on the adjacent street. The mum who is disabled (lifelong so has always known what the score is) has told said children that if I'm picking up my kids that they should get a lift with me because I'm going that way anyway. One club ends at 8pm 2 days a week. My oldest DS (13) attends and just before Christmas, rude kid started the hobby. I went to pick DS up one week and kid announced loudly, "You have to take me home. My mum said if I was to see you, you have to give us a lift!" - He's 11 if that's relevant.
I didn't know what to say. It's no huge effort for me to take these kids except that I find it so fucking cheeky. The mum had hinted about it to me days earlier in passing but I had shrugged and told her that my DS usually walks home most nights. The night I did go, I had to stay late to speak to the coach about something and the kid kept interrupting telling me, "You need to hurry up!". DS angrily said "If you're in a rush, you can always walk home!"

The other thing is that the kids are not well liked at all (the rudeness and bad behaviour means the other children merely tolerate but don't socialise with them) and my DS is red faced and mortified leaving his mates with the "weird" kids getting into our car. I've told DS to tell his smirking, piss taking mates to grow up but honestly, I can totally sympathise. As a child I would have thought the same.

I've knocked the expecting lifts home from school on the head (finding kid standing beside my car instead of walking home like he's supposed to) by acting dumb to him telling me "It's raining. I'm going to get so wet walking home!" Or "I need to be home quickly today but it'll take soooo long walking" by me replying, "it's lucky you have a hood on your coat isn't it?" or telling him he'd better walk quickly then.

I don't want to fall out with the disabled woman. I understand that she can't easily walk her dc to and from hobbies etc but why is it my bloody problem? Yes I'm going there anyway but I like the journey being just me and my DC. I feel for the woman, I do. Life must be difficult but it's starting to piss me off. I'm the type to go out of my way to do anyone a favour but when it's expected or demanded I back right off. I'll now be changing my routine (going to the shop after pick up instead of before) so I'll be able to diplomatically decline their kind offer of an unpaid chauffeur job.

I need to put my tough-bitch pants on and just say it don't I? But if I do I could upset a presumably already pretty isolated woman. This is really difficult. What's the best way to do this? Fake excuses until they stop expecting or saying it straight and possibly causing upset?

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 21/01/2019 11:45

I would complain to the school that the mum dumps her kids at you without a mutual agreement. It's her responsibility to make sure that her kids are safe. How can she be so irresponsible to tell her kids to ask a stranger because you're no friend to give them the lifts? It's a serious concern of the parent neglect. No agreement - no lifts. I am sure the school can help with it and be sure to be firm and say no whatever. It is between the school or the council and the parent of those children.

Consolidatedyourloins · 21/01/2019 11:53

I will definitely speak to the children and tell them that I find their demanding attitudes and language unacceptable and will only provide them a nice warm car journey if they quit that rude shit

Good! When the kids are with you or in your car, then you're at perfect liberty to enforce your rules (as long as you're fair obviously).

And if you need to tell them off in front of the mum, tell them off. You don't need to be polite, tell them off how you would tell off your own dc.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2019 11:56

This mother is not a friend, or her DC friend, just a random who has told her rude kids, to bkadge a lift off op, without having to decency to approach op herself and ask.

PhilomenaButterfly · 21/01/2019 12:28

What a good idea @TheLostTargaryen! 😂

mobyduck · 21/01/2019 12:33

You are stupid to allow yourself to be walked on. But if that is what you want...

Onecutefox · 24/01/2019 09:16

Duck, I am sure the OP feels stupid but she is asking for help how to resolve this situation.

livefornaps · 24/01/2019 11:37

Earlier in the thread you said it was awkward as they could see your car driving past your house but now you say you go out of your way, so which is it?

I for one think you should take heed from @mitzki's post about growing up and not knowing any better. It can be really bewildering when you are pushed forward by adults into asking or accepting things but you don't know about the appropriate follow-up! I am from a "naice" family but when I was given lifts to school by my friend's dad who really initimidated me, I didn't think to say thank you every time (oops - I was just overwhelmed). Then he would get narky and pull me up on it, fair enough, but that actually only intimidated me more and I went further and further into myself.

Anyway, all this to say up to you but in your place I would probably do it.

TheLostTargaryen · 24/01/2019 12:04

@livefornaps it's very difficult to describe but houses are in full view of each other with mine and neighbours gardens between. Their house can see my drive (or more so, the car) at the side, over my garden. But we're on different roads. No access directly between, just fenced gardens. We both have small alleyways at the top of our respective roads which lead to the top street (where the school is located at the end of)
However, I suppose this is all irrelevant because I'll not be giving any lifts unless I choose to or are politely asked (and for good reason).

OP posts:
livefornaps · 24/01/2019 12:13

Alright then, leave the kids to walk down a dark alleyway at night, nice one ;)

TheLostTargaryen · 24/01/2019 12:21

After school is at night? And it's an unlit alleyway?

I can't remember typing that. Sorry. I should proofread my posts. Apologies. I shall correct it now. They are gaps between houses that do not allow cars through. They have kerbs and bollards (sadly not of the penguin variety) but are still alleyways.
I do not allow the children to walk home but their own mother does. Just like the loads of other kids all walking to and from various places around the small town.

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 24/01/2019 21:41

Alright then, leave the kids to walk down a dark alleyway at night, nice one ;)

The children have parents.

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