CF and lifts. How to handle it.

[TheLostTargaryen]

I'll try and keep this short. Obnoxiously rude kid and his equally rude siblings keep demanding lifts because we live on the adjacent street. The mum who is disabled (lifelong so has always known what the score is) has told said children that if I'm picking up my kids that they should get a lift with me because I'm going that way anyway. One club ends at 8pm 2 days a week. My oldest DS (13) attends and just before Christmas, rude kid started the hobby. I went to pick DS up one week and kid announced loudly, "You have to take me home. My mum said if I was to see you, you have to give us a lift!" - He's 11 if that's relevant.
I didn't know what to say. It's no huge effort for me to take these kids except that I find it so fucking cheeky. The mum had hinted about it to me days earlier in passing but I had shrugged and told her that my DS usually walks home most nights. The night I did go, I had to stay late to speak to the coach about something and the kid kept interrupting telling me, "You need to hurry up!". DS angrily said "If you're in a rush, you can always walk home!"

The other thing is that the kids are not well liked at all (the rudeness and bad behaviour means the other children merely tolerate but don't socialise with them) and my DS is red faced and mortified leaving his mates with the "weird" kids getting into our car. I've told DS to tell his smirking, piss taking mates to grow up but honestly, I can totally sympathise. As a child I would have thought the same.

I've knocked the expecting lifts home from school on the head (finding kid standing beside my car instead of walking home like he's supposed to) by acting dumb to him telling me "It's raining. I'm going to get so wet walking home!" Or "I need to be home quickly today but it'll take soooo long walking" by me replying, "it's lucky you have a hood on your coat isn't it?" or telling him he'd better walk quickly then.

I don't want to fall out with the disabled woman. I understand that she can't easily walk her dc to and from hobbies etc but why is it my bloody problem? Yes I'm going there anyway but I like the journey being just me and my DC. I feel for the woman, I do. Life must be difficult but it's starting to piss me off. I'm the type to go out of my way to do anyone a favour but when it's expected or demanded I back right off. I'll now be changing my routine (going to the shop after pick up instead of before) so I'll be able to diplomatically decline their kind offer of an unpaid chauffeur job.

I need to put my tough-bitch pants on and just say it don't I? But if I do I could upset a presumably already pretty isolated woman. This is really difficult. What's the best way to do this? Fake excuses until they stop expecting or saying it straight and possibly causing upset?

@TheLostTargaryen Problem solved you just tell the CF and her band of Mowglis that the virtue signallers on this thread have volunteered themselves to do all the driving whatever end of country, whatever the weather, whatever the time - night or day.

@TheLostTargaryen Problem solved you just tell the CF and her band of Mowglis that the virtue signallers on this thread have volunteered themselves to do all the driving whatever end of country, whatever the weather, whatever the time - night or day. 😂😂😂

I’d be very blunt with the kids about their manners too- I won’t tolerate anyone setting a bad example to my kids- no manners, no favours! If they learnt enough manners to be more likeable then you’d be doing everyone a favour 😇

I can see why OP is frustrated but alot of the posters are just being nasty. It's not virtual signalling to occasionally do a good deed.

I feel sorry for these kids. They obviously haven't been taught good manners or social skills and it will do them a massive disservice for life. I'd probably be tempted to insist on good manners but give them a lift when it wasn't out of my way. Fortunately if it isn't convenient they can just walk home.

I'd definitely be encouraging my kids to show a bit more compassion. Being embarrassed to be seen leaving with the "weird kids" is very unkind.

@TheLostTargaryen

What would she do if you moved out of the catchment area?

Put your house on the market: You're not Uber.

I’ll try and keep this short OP. You are being VVU. All your ‘explanations’ for your lack of compassion are not washing with me. HTH

Just tell them you are not going directly home, you’re visiting friends or family, dining out, robbing a bank.

Remember the mumsnet mantra......”that doesn’t work for me”

I am amazed at people suggesting you walk to avoid the situation of giving lifts to effectively random strangers children demanding lifts

Just to clarify

I’m suggesting walking as it’s really not great to use a car for short journeys (for many reasons)

Then Bristol you might offer your services to rude CF mothers then, and their rude kids.

Or tell CF that Prince Philip will be doing the school run?

@aeroflotgirl who the hell said I didn’t? I don’t think having just a little bit of compassion and conversation is unreasonable. You obviously do. And that is what is wrong with some communities today. Good luck keeping your health and your ability to ask for help in the future.

Communities are a two way street

Ask nicely and you may receive help

Be rude and the answer is no!

The mother isn’t being nice kind or considerate. Why should OP be?

This is very close to home and tbh those kids sound a bit much. For the sake of your own kids I’d not be too confrontational and try a bit of avoidance rather than calling them out directly on their rude assumptions and bad manners.
The only people you are responsible for are your own family.
I would be wary of being too direct in case it starts a row - the bad feelings might be taken out on your own kids further down the road. With neighbors like this it’s best to not fall out but just keep them at arms length. There is big difference between helping someone in need eg lift to doctors and been taken for granted for a hobby they can easily get to on foot.

I’ll try and keep this short OP. You are being VVU. All your ‘explanations’ for your lack of compassion are not washing with me. HTH

That’s fine, you can allow others to make demands on your time then without even asking or giving a word of thanks.

Oh and I'm not in great health but would never of doing this!

Ivykaty Why on earth should she?!

@HeyDuggeesCakeBadge Just because someone is disabled, does NOT mean their kids are carers!!!!! Ffs! I am severely disabled and a lone parent (although I drive) yet my child has NEVER been anything like a carer for me! Absolute drivel! These assumptions made on here are utter nonsense and infuriating

You are being forced into a position whereby you feel awkward, guilty, and that you are somehow in the wrong. This woman knows exactly what she is doing. If her kids were decent, charming, or simply tried to be friendly it would perhaps be a different thing.

You are not there to be a taxi for some other kids, or indeed to do anything you do not want to for any other person or family. And don't feel guilty about saying "no chance, this is not happening. ever again.
"
Perhaps she will attempt to make you feel bad. Don't. She is using you "and your decency against you. You are not even slightly wrong to stand up for yourself, your family, and your poor son, who must be beside himself with toe-curling embarrassment. Thing is, your kids are seeing this, understand that you do not want to do it, but find it difficult to say no. So they see that bullying does work. Also, your son may be having the piss taken out of him at school by these wee horrors and he is not telling you because of everything else you are going through.
Don't let this woman and her horrible offspring get away with this any more.

How did cfmum manage to get her kids to school in the first place? Does she do her own shopping? She cant stay indoors all of the time can she?

@Mummylife2018 of course they aren't. I was offering a suggestion as to their behaviour was bad- of course it's an assumption.

Some kids are carers though.

You haven't agreed to give anyone a lift anywhere so I'd just keep ignoring it. If the kid directly says "give me a lift" just say "oh I'm sorry, that hasn't been arranged with your mum and it isn't convenient for us today". If the mum asks just say you're sorry but it doesn't fit in with your plans.

If she'd asked you nicely I'd be telling you to give lifts and help out but then I think you'd be doing that anyway. Just because she's disabled doesn't mean she's incapable of asking nicely if you'd give her kids a lift. F*CK her, she's rude, which explains why her kids are so rude...

Bristol manners work both ways you know, I would have no problem if the mother approached politely and asked in a decent way instead of being a cheeky and rude person. That would get my back up, add the rude kids as well.

There is no reason why op shod get stuck in a lift arrangement with a rude CF. I wouldn't. If the mum approached me nicely and explained she was struggling I would help where I could, but her behaviour has put paid to that.

If you don't want to give them a lift them don't. Just go speak to their mum as kids are still kids - don't address it with them!

@Sweetpea55 they walk. It is genuinely just two streets away and one street doesn't really count as there is an alleyway between the row of houses. It's not even 5 minutes. I only drive the school runs because I do them to and from going to care for my own disabled family or I'm off out on errands. Most people who live on our streets walk.

It's also a real safeguarding risk for you. There's no way I'd be giving a lift to children whose parent I hadn't spoken to about that specific lift that specific day. Cover your own back!