Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF and lifts. How to handle it.

286 replies

TheLostTargaryen · 18/01/2019 16:30

I'll try and keep this short. Obnoxiously rude kid and his equally rude siblings keep demanding lifts because we live on the adjacent street. The mum who is disabled (lifelong so has always known what the score is) has told said children that if I'm picking up my kids that they should get a lift with me because I'm going that way anyway. One club ends at 8pm 2 days a week. My oldest DS (13) attends and just before Christmas, rude kid started the hobby. I went to pick DS up one week and kid announced loudly, "You have to take me home. My mum said if I was to see you, you have to give us a lift!" - He's 11 if that's relevant.
I didn't know what to say. It's no huge effort for me to take these kids except that I find it so fucking cheeky. The mum had hinted about it to me days earlier in passing but I had shrugged and told her that my DS usually walks home most nights. The night I did go, I had to stay late to speak to the coach about something and the kid kept interrupting telling me, "You need to hurry up!". DS angrily said "If you're in a rush, you can always walk home!"

The other thing is that the kids are not well liked at all (the rudeness and bad behaviour means the other children merely tolerate but don't socialise with them) and my DS is red faced and mortified leaving his mates with the "weird" kids getting into our car. I've told DS to tell his smirking, piss taking mates to grow up but honestly, I can totally sympathise. As a child I would have thought the same.

I've knocked the expecting lifts home from school on the head (finding kid standing beside my car instead of walking home like he's supposed to) by acting dumb to him telling me "It's raining. I'm going to get so wet walking home!" Or "I need to be home quickly today but it'll take soooo long walking" by me replying, "it's lucky you have a hood on your coat isn't it?" or telling him he'd better walk quickly then.

I don't want to fall out with the disabled woman. I understand that she can't easily walk her dc to and from hobbies etc but why is it my bloody problem? Yes I'm going there anyway but I like the journey being just me and my DC. I feel for the woman, I do. Life must be difficult but it's starting to piss me off. I'm the type to go out of my way to do anyone a favour but when it's expected or demanded I back right off. I'll now be changing my routine (going to the shop after pick up instead of before) so I'll be able to diplomatically decline their kind offer of an unpaid chauffeur job.

I need to put my tough-bitch pants on and just say it don't I? But if I do I could upset a presumably already pretty isolated woman. This is really difficult. What's the best way to do this? Fake excuses until they stop expecting or saying it straight and possibly causing upset?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2019 12:39

So really, it isen't convenient, and it is not far for them to walk. Op just say no to the kids, your mum did not arrange anything with me, so you will have to walk home. Also like someone has said, you have to cover your back, I would not give a child a lift home, unless it was agreed with their parent.

YoThePussy · 20/01/2019 13:34

I was having problems at work a number of years ago with someone trying to wrong foot me constantly. A colleague was in a meeting with us and heard me repeatedly say sorry and told me never to say sorry unless I really meant it. I was told it gave a lever for the person thinking I was weak and a soft touch.

OP, do not say sorry to the CF or her children if you cannot give lifts. Short sentences with words of one syllable ‘No I can/will not do that’. Repeat as necessary.

lumpsofitroundtheback · 20/01/2019 14:13

To all those folks saying that the OP should show compassion and give this little shit a lift: - he and her dc are not friends at all and her dc dislikes them. Why should she put herself out to give a lift to someone who is unpleasant?

Oh, and unless it was a sudden emergency I wouldn't give a lift in my car to another child unless it had already been agreed between me and their parent. We do teach children not go get in other people's cars after all.

OutPinked · 20/01/2019 14:18

The mum shouldn’t send them to a club she can’t transport them to and from. End of. She should arrange transport for them if it’s too far to walk or the weather is bad I.e a taxi which is what other non driving parents would do. They’re all massive CF’s with very poor entitled attitude.

NicolaStart · 20/01/2019 18:21

Not sure why you posted, OP.
You have decided YANBU to not give them a lift and have reacted with scorn at everyone who has said they would give them a lift but maybe ask them to be polite.

Oh well.

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/01/2019 19:59

We do teach children not go get in other people's cars after all.

No, we teach our children not to get into strangers' cars. It's a sad world if we can't give a lift to a child we know. What happened to people looking after each other? I'm a total atheist but still believe "love your neighbour" is a great maxim to live by.

TeachesOfPeaches · 20/01/2019 20:07

All of this and the school is 2 streets away from their house?

GreenTulips · 20/01/2019 20:11

but still believe "love your neighbour" is a great maxim to live by

OPs neighbour doesn’t

delboysskinandblister · 20/01/2019 20:12

Our walk to school was 1.5miles. The last third was all up hill. Rain or shine.

Bunnybaubles · 20/01/2019 20:40

Please don't listen to all those who bang on about "love thy neighbour", or "you should be teaching them not to be rude", or "you should be nice to them because no one else is" or "You should speak to their mum about their attitude/ behaviour".

ERM NOOOO!

I made just that mistake a few years ago with a DC who was a known bully, awkward, didn't get on with other children and had a scummy family who were just as bad.

I forced my DC to play with him, I fed him decent cooked meals, I took him nice places with my DC. And made the HUGE mistake of highlighting some rude aggressive behaviour to his DM.

In return my DC were horrifically bullied, my house was targeted and my car vandalised by both the child and his grown up family! Despite 2 years of daily phone calls to the police due to damaged property or my kids being jumped by groups of this child's family/ cousins etc the only way it was resolved was I moved house!

Only a child???
Poor child????

Complete avoidance, don't get involved!

PlumpSyrianHamster · 20/01/2019 20:40

@TheLostTargaryen Problem solved you just tell the CF and her band of Mowglis that the virtue signallers on this thread have volunteered themselves to do all the driving whatever end of country, whatever the weather, whatever the time - night or day. 😂😂😂

Haaahaa! SO true!

MrMeSeeks · 20/01/2019 21:14

What happened to people looking after each other? I'm a total atheist but still believe "love your neighbour" is a great maxim to live by.

So the op has to live by this, but the neighbour doesn't?Hmm

Momo18 · 20/01/2019 21:49

I honestly would give the kids a lift. Yes they need to learn manners, I would tell them and their mum so too. However, this lady is disabled which must be difficult for her and sometimes difficult for her children too. If she's pretty housebound I would imagine her kids miss out on having a parent out and about socially hence being rude, I also imagine they miss out on their Mum watching them at events and tbh if it was no inconvenience to me then I'd give them the lift so their Mum knows they are getting home safe and to help the family out. Having kids is difficult enough at times, I would imagine having a disability can really make things much harder.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 20/01/2019 21:51

What happened to people looking after each other? I'm a total atheist but still believe "love your neighbour" is a great maxim to live by.

So why not put a post out on FB in your local community offering lifts to everyone near you, or do maxims only apply to other people's time and property?

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2019 22:19

IT is only a 5 mins walk fgs, not 5 miles. It works both ways, just because mum is disabled doesent give her a get out clause to act like a CF which she is, that is an insult to disabled parents who are polite and good mannered and raise equally polite kids. No CF come in all forms.

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/01/2019 22:39

So the op has to live by this, but the neighbour doesn't?hmm

If everyone subscribed to that attitude the world would be even more shitty than it currently is, wouldn't it?

So why not put a post out on FB in your local community offering lifts to everyone near you, or do maxims only apply to other people's time and property?
Oh come on, no one is suggesting setting u a free taxi service, are they? But I certainly wouldn't drive home past someone who lived right next to me without stopping to offer them a lift if I had room in my car.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 20/01/2019 22:53

Oh come on, no one is suggesting setting u a free taxi service, are they?

That's exactly what they're doing. I'm glad you live in such a lovely neighbourhood. I wouldn't offer some of my neighbours a lift because they're not very pleasant or nice people at all. It happens on Planet Reality.

Klopptimist · 21/01/2019 00:08

I certainly wouldn't drive home past someone who lived right next to me without stopping to offer them a lift if I had room in my car

But OP doesn't live right next to them...

"The children technically live closer to the school than me. It's just a couple of streets away and I only drive there as I pass it on my way home. Picking up those kids takes extra time and I have to take a different route back if I am dropping them off albeit a mere 300 or 400 yards? Maybe 2 minutes? (Three streets basically). It's difficult to describe but think of the roads like a large rectangle shape with no connection at the top. We're both at the top of the rectangle but to get to hers I have to take a longer route and drive the whole left, bottom and right road to get back to mine. If her DC are walking there is an alley type shortcut from school street to hers and one to mine. They would either have to walk the length of my street, the bottom and theirs if I stopped at my house or I have to drive extra. The other option is them going through my garden and over the fence (never gonna happen)"

Pantsomime · 21/01/2019 00:15

Tell her that it’s not been agreed between you that you’d give them lifts & furthermore you won't let your DCs be rude to you and you are not having it from hers so won’t be givng them lifts anymore.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2019 08:04

For the record, I don't drive, people drive past me to the same place, that's ok, it's part of not being able to drive(I am learning). I never expect, I woukd never be rude like the mother. If she woukd like a lift because she is struggling, she shou,d contact op. It is5 mins away, not far at all, at 11/12I used to navigate myself round the local area, to shops, activities, as mum could not drive. If it was far, mum woukd come with me on the bus, or walk.

RestingBitchFaced · 21/01/2019 09:36

I definitely wouldn't be delivering them to their door! Drop them off at the nearest point which is on your route. If they complain, tell them they can walk next time, and drive off - problem solved

PhilomenaButterfly · 21/01/2019 10:10

I would if it were my DC's best friend, and if they said "my mum says you have to give me a lift home" I'd say "try again."

PhilomenaButterfly · 21/01/2019 10:18

We walk everywhere. We don't own a car. 3 times a week DD walks home alone in the dark, sometimes in the rain too. Xmas Hmm

TheLostTargaryen · 21/01/2019 11:27

@PhilomenaButterfly that's awful. You should get her to hitch a lift with one of the free chauffeurs on this post. Apparently there are a lot. GrinHmm

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2019 11:34

Yes there are a lot of mugs on here that would better into lift arrangements with rude CF. It is up to op who to direct her kindness to not ransoms on a forum. You hear all sets of horror stories of people on here who have been tied into lift arrangements with CF, and don't know how to end it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.