AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

Most women who have been through puberty and P.E. already know the answer.

userschmoozer

Which is?

Those lies mean that now no one is believed.

Lots of women on this thread believe this 12 year girl. Not many are saying that she is lying.

ZuttZeVootEeeVro

Yes. Unfortunately the school's experience of 12 year old girls mean that they didn't believe her though.

Thats your take on it.

But this is women portraying periods as a weakness - I can't do that because I'm on my period.

So women are supposed to pretend to be unaffected in case others judge them as weak? Despite knowing themselves that they’re in pain and really struggling, others opinions must matter more and the general opinion is that periods are of little account and you’re weak if affected. No woman who has to bow out or rest because of her period is weak, so she is not portraying herself as such, she’s just been judged as weak by onlookers. Can you really not see how misogynistic that is? That women affected by periods are judged weak and pathetic and doing womankind no favours if they succumb. Flu, migraine, D&V etc all fine and acceptable excuses but never periods. Honestly I am disgusted by that viewpoint especially from a woman.

Just going round and round in circles here aren’t we?

*That's different though surely? My dd had this too and we had doctor's letters explaining her condition.

I think that's different from girls "self certifying". The problem really is caused by the girls who lie about it surely?*

It worries me that there is an assumption of young people being unreliable about their own bodies though. I’ve seen it in hospital contexts as well and it’s frustrating.

Unless she is having an obvious flare and limping, my daughter’s conditions are equally invisible as this girl being on her period.

We expect our employers to trust us to self-certify, how is this different?

(Quote bolding fail, sorry!)

So women are supposed to pretend to be unaffected in case others judge them as weak?
No. Women and girls who are not even on their period should not be pretending that they are just to get out of doing something that they don't want to do.

Honestly I am disgusted by that viewpoint especially from a woman.

And I'm disgusted that other women lie about something and by doing so make other women look bad.

It’s just a basic distaste towards women and their bodily functions that informs such a view as this, whether you realise it or not. You are a misogynist Weetabix. You may believe that you support and respect women and be offended by being called a misogynist but to argue so intensely against women who are made ill by their periods, to scoff at and dismiss all these women on here who have described their struggles and to label the majority of girls who struggle and ask for consideration of their periods, as liars and as weak, is misogyny at a fundamental level.

We expect our employers to trust us to self-certify, how is this different?
Because it's limited to only 7 days and monitored.

I understand. I have an invisible illness, which has caused inflammatory arthritis, and my dd had JA. We have both had to supply medical evidence to various schools and employers. I've had to give extensive medical evidence and had an OH interview. I don't just go into work and tell them that I can't do something today because of X.

No. Women and girls who are not even on their period should not be pretending that they are just to get out of doing something that they don't want to do.

The girl's mother, the school teacher and the head of pe, all believed that the girl was having a period.

It's only you that is saying this 12 year old girl was lying.

CarolDanvers

Right ok. Well, if you are happy for women to accept being floored by the periods every month, having to take time off work or miss school because of it rather than to seek medical help to alleviate that then I suggest that it is you who is misogynist because you would rather see women held back and be penalised in the interest of experiencing "womanhood" rather than trying to control their periods.

And if you support women to manipulate the experience of other women for their own benefit then I don't know what to say.

It's only you that is saying this 12 year old girl was lying.

I am not saying this girl is lying, for the umpteenth time. And please show me where I have said that if you think I have.

I am saying that schools, in general, aren't as sympathetic as they might otherwise be because many girls do lie (as evidenced by posters on this thread).

you know this i also about a complete lack of respect, if i , as a parent, have made a decision to trust my daughter and write a letter excusing her from pe then who the hell rides roughshod over that and decides that they know better? certainly not a pe teacher who doesnt normally teach her! im sorry but this makes me quite angry on many levels.

and Rhoomba
if a pe teacher caused my son to have hyperthermia i would also be off the scale livid and id have not been accepting a half hearted apology.

i once went toe to toe with a pe dept head after he scared the living daylights out of my special needs son, the arrogant prick called me a "little woman"
maybe this is the problem and some subjects attract bullying idiots who think they know better than the actual parent.

i am currently off work with anaemia due to heavy periods- simply saying its only a period carry on regardless is not realistic for many women and girls and there is an added element of embarrassment if you are scared of leaking. simply saying stuff a few tampons up there and get on with it is truly annoying the hell out of me.

when are we going to start to respect each other and listen to people saying "i cannot do this today because...." and simply saying "ok then" ?

what is at stake really by cutting a 12 year old girl some slack and saying 'ok i believe you dont worry about it? '

Honestly? I disagree with compulsory PE.

But if that was actually happening - women being floored by periods - and it was the real problem you seem to believe it is then every woman would have to be doing it wouldn’t they or the majority anyway? It would be a huge problem, the economy would be affected with almost half the workforce out of it groaning about their periods. Are you saying that you’re worried it’s an increasing problem and the above scenario is a possibility and you’re trying to safeguard against it with your stance? I don’t stand with these so called “manipulative” women, mostly because I don’t think there are that many of them. Clearly in your self appointed position as Period Finder General, you believe otherwise though and I believe you are wrong and am actually quite concerned for your obsessive insistence that there are so very many sly, manipulative, lying women and girls out there. It really is misogyny at its most basic level.

I don't think Weetabix is suggesting that the OP's DD is lying; she's saying that the reason the PE teacher didn't believe her is because other girls do lie. It's interesting that the DD's own PE teacher, who knows her, did believe her, whereas the head of PE didn't. So she does have a point.

But I do think it would be more to the point to tackle the reasons why girls are lying to get out of PE. Just read the posts. They weren't simply skivers, they were in school after all, in some cases doing very well academically. The bullying described sounds horrendous and really damaging to a young girl's self esteem. I've been there with the bullying, being picked last every time, name-calling etc. (It only stopped when I found that I was surprisingly good at hockey.)

This is in no way comparable to the workplace, as most jobs don't force people to play badminton when coping with debilitating cramping and flooding.

I do think, in schools, that there is a bigger problem than you accept with girls lying to get out of doing PE. I know what I saw at school and I've heard my dds friends openly talking about doing it.

Wrt to women being genuinely, seriously affected by it - I completely believe them. What I'm uncomfortable with is the attitude of some people on here who seem to espousing the answer is to make it easier for women to not go to work when they are suffering with their period, rather than getting medical help for their periods.

If drs aren't listening or taking it seriously then that is where we should be pushing for change. Not accepting that drs won't do anything so telling women to stay home instead. How in earth is that misogynistic?

Your posts read as though you want women to be disabled by their periods, as though that is some sort of bizarre celebration of being a woman.

I don't think Weetabix is suggesting that the OP's DD is lying; she's saying that the reason the PE teacher didn't believe her is because other girls do lie. It's interesting that the DD's own PE teacher, who knows her, did believe her, whereas the head of PE didn't. So she does have a point.

Ok, Weetabix doesn't think this 12 year old is lying, just that other school girls lie.

I read the op as the head of year believing the girl, just thinking that she should work through her pain.

But I do think it would be more to the point to tackle the reasons why girls are lying to get out of PE.
I completely agree with this. I hated PE at school. Really hated it. We had to have a note from a parent to excuse us and my mum refused to write because I didn't have a genuine reason, so I had no choice but to do it.

There does need to be a shake up of PE in school. I hated PE but now as an adult I've found exercise that I enjoy. I don't know what the answer is in schools. Maybe letting students who don't like the spirts on offer just walk around the site if nothing else can be offered? At least it's something and isn't humiliating them by making them get changed or show lack of ability.

The girls are lying to get out of PE, though, they're not lying to skive off school! (Obviously there are some that do, but that's not who we're talking about here.) One PP became very sporty after a period in the army, another one was top of the class academically. Them lying to get out of PE didn't turn them into skivers at work.

Ok, Weetabix doesn't think this 12 year old is lying, just that other school girls lie.
I don't think they lie I know they do because they have told me!!!

Your posts read as though you want women to be disabled by their periods, as though that is some sort of bizarre celebration of being a woman.

No they do not. What absolute twaddle. Please quote anything that indicates that I am advocating that. You won’t be able to and luckily the posts all stand so others can see for themselves. Is that that maybe just your weird extrapolation on women discussing their periods honestly and graphically? Because it’s certainly not something that has ever crossed my mind, interesting that’s what you jumped to when disagreed with.

Is that that maybe just your weird extrapolation on women discussing their periods honestly and graphically?

No it's my opinion from reading posts saying why should women have to take medication or go on the pill or wear tampons, employers should make adjustments instead.