AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

Why can’t a 12 year old use a tampon? I’m not saying she should but why do you think they can’t?

@2019Dancerz

Some of us never do manage to use a tampon. I never did in 30 years of menstrual cycles, which made my very heavy periods really hard to cope with.

But in my case I think it was connected with the SA I went through. My DSis has the same problem.

Why can’t a 12 year old use a tampon? I’m not saying she should but why do you think they can’t?

Some women just can't - I'm 23 and I can't! I know other women can't too.

I’m 51. Every time I tried tampons I got thrush.

You really don’t understand heavy periods if you come up with such clever suggestions!

Now know I also have endometriosis and adenomyosiis. So even my HRT induced periods hurt like fuck.

I was replying to this post:
She’s not even a woman - she cannot use tampons at her age
as I didn’t understand it. Obviously I know that tampons aren’t a cure all, I was asking about that comment.

We had an assembly when we were aged 13 and the person running it said we shouldn't use tampons until we were 15 or 16. No reason provided.
That was in around 2000.

Oops- pressed enter! I don't think there is a biological reason. I think people just think younger girls shouldn't use tampons, if that makes sense?

Well I know they used to say you couldn’t use one if you were a virgin!

Ive tried to get dd to use a tampon but she cant do it

She says she hasnt got a hole

YANBU it is a judgement call & as u said she never missed PE before. I used to have very bad pains & suffered through with my PE teacher saying “exercise helps”, but it really didn’t help me - it made them worse. The pains would be so bad later I would have to go home early to take pain killers & go to bed.

This thread is actually starting to boil my piss.

(Not you op . I completely support your support for your dd)

1). If you don't want to use tampons you don't HAVE to.

2). Women/girls need absolute autonomy over their body and have absolutely every right to abstain from the gym/sport if they feel their period is a reason to
3) where in the world or workplace would any woman experiencing a heavy period be forced to partake in a sport activity other than ducking g school!!!? And why is this right?
4). Why can't we just LISTEN to a person saying I'm not well enough to participate in x y. Z?? Why does it matter she is 12? She is saying I. Can't do this today with support from her mum ffs.

When does a 12 year old boy with flu get forced to partake in sports?

Not all women are the same. Not all periods are the same. If any woman is saying I can't do this today because if my period then why is it so fucking hard to accept and listen??

If your period doesn't stop you doing anything then bully for you! But for some girls/women it does ! So tough fucking luck is my stance. Moan away but I wouldn't be pushing through any pain /flooding barrier just to make someone else happy. Fuck that. Accept what I'm saying or don't. Wouldn't make a scrap of difference to me and if anyone forced my dd to run about chasing a fucking shuttlecock you have some explaining to do and it had better be fucking amazing to excuse that if I'd said she wasn't well enough to do it.

Only in School do we accept this shite. In work we'd be in the phone to the union and asking here about bullying! If someone says no it means no. End of.

Classic Mumsnet responses 🙄 “I used to walk to school three miles barefoot across broken glass and do PE even if my head was falling off.”

YANBU - I used to have heavy and painful periods and I actually went in the pill - want needed for contraception at that time but itvhelis make periods lighter and less painful maybe make a GP appointment to see about this - it made my life so much easier previously somedays my period pains were so bad I struggled to get out of bad - I wasn’t even that bad with contractions -think contractions are obviously worse but you are expecting them to be bad and you have a good result at the end!!

Meant it wasn’t needed for contraception at that time but it helps make periods lighter and less painful

As a teenager I suffered terrible periods, not particularly heavy but so debilitating I was sick, dizzy, had excruciating pain there was no way I could do PE. When coinciding I did have written note from parent, but PE teacher just had to look at me and knew I was unwell. On leaving school had one employer who got his wife to bring in a hot water bottle to try and help. Pain relief had no effect for first two days. If your DD is worried about leaks perhaps reviewing her protection may be needed to ensure it is suitable. With giving school your approval on a rare occasion, daughter should have been excused this time. As for professional sportswomen they may well have drugs to postpone a period over major tournaments. If they don't they should give up the secret on how they manage.

There seems to be a lot of people replying to this thread who obviously have no idea what a heavy flow is.

At 12 I refused to do PE when I had my period. A night time pad would be soaked within the 45 minute lesson and I'd have giant clots coming loose and falling out of my underwear.

I used to really enjoy certain PE lessons too, but what am I supposed to do after a lesson when I have 4 minutes to change and get to my next class or to go catch my school bus home? I'd have spent the next hour desperately trying to freshen up in a bathroom stall with all the other girls taunting me from outside.

And that doesn't even begin to describe half of the issues I had.
The "fit for school, fit for PE" is crap. I can suffer through sitting quietly for an hour, but actual physical activity?

My period pain was so bad I was admitted to hospital several times. The first time they thought my appendix had burst, the second time they thought I had an ectopic pregnancy.

I still have burns on my stomach 15 years later because of my hot water bottle.

People should cut this kid, and her mum some slack. She enjoys PE and this is the first time she's had to sit out. It's not the end of the world and if I was her mum I'd do the exact same thing.

Totally agree with everything ryton 'sister said. I went to a mixed school and can still remember the awful humiliation suffered by one of my classmates who was forced to do P.E. when she asked to be excused. Flooded on the playing field in front of the boys and was bawled out by the teacher for 'not managing' her period better. We were 12 and it was only her third period!

rytonsister 👏👏 very well said.

I would add to that - there’s no way that teacher should’ve pulled your daughter. You should complain to the school about that. No teacher should touch a child against their will.

Tinkerbell1980 well my life literally did .My periods started at 13 and made my life hell until i had a hysterectomy at 40 because of how bad they were .I have grit ,i am a very strong person but they made my life hell so i have every sympathy and empathy for a 13yr who did'nt feel up to doing pe because of it .Jeez posts like yours make me .

I leaked and was nicknamed "Period" in front of everyone for the next two years until we moved away.

I lived in mortal fear of the taunt "hey Peeriodddd!" From two horrid girls who would wait until i was happy and smiling with other children (often boys too) to yell it and then watch other children melt away from me.

rytonsister

Well said.
How dare that teacher tell her "it cant be that bad" how dare they grab her.
Why is it, as females if we have issues with our period the response is "oh well suck it up" or "its not that bad, not that heavy, not that painful" Why should we risk humiliation just cos some dont deem a period a health issue when it is in every sense.

Like dp last night was like i have massive stomach cramps, expecting a bucket of sympathy. I looked at him, smirked and was like um yeah i will give you the response women cop for speaking of period cramps that we get every month "oh well suck it up, not that bad" he wasnt impressed lol

When I was first starting my period I genuinely did have a period every week for about six months. Sometimes waxing and waning in heaviness, and in pain. I was initially told to put up with things for a year to see if they settled down. Then prescribed tranexamic acid, then mefanamic acid to try and make my life more manageable. Eventually I was put on the pill while still aged 13 as my periods got heavier and heavier to the point where my blood loss was such that I would have required transfusions in order to remain alive had it continued for 2-3 days.

Not what was happening in this instance (though again to agree with other posters she should have been excused in line with your note) but just a reminder that no matter if you have been to the doctors or not, stuff often doesn't get immediately resolved. I was off school when it was really bad, but it wouldn't have been useful for me to miss more than necessary.

I'm firmly of the belief that more schools should make PE both more accessible and more interesting for both boys and girls who don't want to play competitive sports.

I totally accept some children can't use tampons me personally I used them at 13 I hate pads but some girls and women are not comfortable with them

YANBU, I had periods so badly I could barely stand and fainted on occasion at school. I was always made to feel it somehow didn’t count. Having given birth now three times, I can confirm that the pain actually wasn’t far off establish labour pains. It makes me really angry that girls and women are constantly being questioned and not believed about health issues that impact them. PE should be a fun and engaging lesson that girls will only choose to miss if they are actually too ill to participate, which shouldn’t need a note. We should take their word for it. We should be saying we trust you to know your own body. If girls routinely miss lessons that’s the time you can pastorally, see why and if it can be addressed (bullying, worried, health issues).

Why can't we just LISTEN to a person saying I'm not well enough to participate in x y. Z?? Why does it matter she is 12? She is saying I. Can't do this today with support from her mum ffs.
When does a 12 year old boy with flu get forced to partake in sports?

I suppose the reason is that lots of students lie about because they don't want to do PE and so schools can't just accept it as being true whenever someone says it. A lot of posts say " why can't we just trust..." well the answer is trust is lost when people lie.

Maybe schools do need to find out why girls don't want to do PE and then see what can be done to change their view.

I do think that girls need to be offered every help to deal with their periods in a way that enables them to carry on with their lives.

I have had very heavy and painful periods at various times in my life but I wouldn't be prepared to give up one week in four, and stay at home with a hot water bottle. I don't think it helps girls if their parents refuse to let them take medication that my help or to let them try tampons (because they are 12!!!!!).

Surely, as women, we should be doing all that we can to enable girls to engage fully in life and not be pole axed every time they have a period.