AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

Well said!

The girl is not giving "up one week in four, and stay at home with a hot water bottle" she's sitting out one or lesson.

lots of students lie

We are talking about a 12 year old girl on her period. Why are you assuming that she is lying?

I agree that medical interventions can be sourght (I did get them eventually as an adult). But actually no, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect girls to act like they aren’t impacted or for women to have to like men to be acceptable. We have periods and some of us are unlucky enough to be severely effected. It’s not something that you should have to be disbelieved over. Yes I have dragged myself to work, but it would have been better for my health to have been allowed to work from home. That wouldn’t be seen as as justifiable a reason as a man who has hurt his foot though. We must stop accepting internalised misogyny.

There was only one3 occasion where I asked not to do PE as a teenager, for the same reason as OP's DD and also I was in a lot of pain.

Unlike OP's DD, I was allowed to sit and watch the class, which happened to be playing softball (I think) with the boys' group that lesson. I wished I'd not brought the letter in though because as soon as one nosy girl asked 'Why is Roomba just watching today?' the teacher told everyone exactly why! 'Roomba has very bad period pains and is struggling today, so she's not joining in. But I must point out to everyone that exercise usually helps period pain so I would not expect this to be used as an excuse by everyone' . I never asked again after being laughed at by all the lads.

I thought attitudes like this had died out by now. Yes, I know what some teenagers are like and they will claim to have a period every week to get out of PE if they could. But this was a first for OP's DD and should have been taken seriously. My PE teacher was an Olympic medal winner who had no sympathy for any condition though.

"Maybe schools do need to find out why girls don't want to do PE and then see what can be done to change their view."

Or maybe schools need to change their view and stop making PE compulsory. How about that?

When does a 12 year old boy with flu get forced to partake in sports

To be fair, my 12 year old son was made to play rugby in a hail storm and high winds, when it was already -10 outside last year. In rugby shorts and thin t-shirt. He kept telling his teacher that he felt unwell and was yelled at and told to run extra laps round the pitch. He ended up in hospital with serious hypothermia!

We did get an apology but it was a bit half hearted and implied my son was unusual for finding those conditions challenging. No, he's not at Gordounstone in the 1950s...

and I actually went in the pill - want needed for contraception at that time but itvhelis make periods lighter and less painful maybe make a GP appointment to see about this - it made my life so much easier

Or y'know, not make young girls take hormones and may be understand that just for one time in this case she couldn't do pe.

This sort of bullying actually turns girls off sports of any kind, to then lead to obesity.
As a pp said, sports women probably take drugs to postpone a period in important events.
Pe in school is not important enough to do the same to young girls.

I have periods where they are so heav y if I stand up blood goes everywhere. I feel for your daughter. I have always had periods like it and at school there were times i could not do p.e. Getting through the day without leaking everywhere even now is hard, and I have a desk job! I often leak and it’s embarrassing and I want to curl up in a ball. I am 37! At 12 I was even more embarrassed about leakage!

ZuttZeVootEeeVro

I wasn't referring to this one girl and I'm not saying that she is lying.

I'm responding to other posters here talking about how severely affected they are and I'm saying that I understand how genuine pupils become collateral damage when schools are faced with lots of excuses for not doing PE that aren't genuine.

Or maybe schools need to change their view and stop making PE compulsory. How about that?

It isn't the schools that make it compulsory, it's the government and if you make exercise voluntary many parents won't encourage it at all

That’s ridiculous. My 8 year old has an agreement with her teachers/P.E teacher that she can make a judgement call whether she is fit to do P.E (juvenile arthritis). I know it is a bit different but they trust that she won’t use it as an excuse to not do things. Your daughter should be afforded the same respect.

As a pp said, sports women probably take drugs to postpone a period in important events.
I don't know about all spirts women but there was a tennis player at Wimbledon recently who mentioned it in her post match interview and a video on youtube with Rebecca Addlington talking about how she manages and how she managed as a young girl in training.

My 8 year old has an agreement with her teachers/P.E teacher that she can make a judgement call whether she is fit to do P.E (juvenile arthritis). I know it is a bit different but they trust that she won’t use it as an excuse to not do things.
That's different though surely? My dd had this too and we had doctor's letters explaining her condition.

I think that's different from girls "self certifying". The problem really is caused by the girls who lie about it surely?

Yes I have dragged myself to work, but it would have been better for my health to have been allowed to work from home.

Which is ok if you have a job that lets you work from home, bit difficult if you are in a service industry though isn't it? Or what if your period coincides with an important engagement outside of the home? I for one wouldn't want to be under house arrest every month as the only option to cope with a period.

I don't think that's internalised misogyny to hope that all girls and women can live without such a huge disruption once a month.

how she managed as a young girl in training

But this is a 12 year old, who unless OP is massively drip feeding, is not about to take on Olympics standard sport.
And for all those other girls that may or may not use it as an excuse, oh well. Maybe they had a different good reason, maybe their just lazy, may be they have body issues and forcing them to take part means they too are put off sports. This issue has been going on for decades. It's not working. So some one should think of a better way than force.

I feel for your daughter so much. I remember only last week being in the office and we have these very expensive light brown leather chairs.

Any way only the second day of my period and I feel a flood - rushing to the loo and I caught it in time I had a dark red /burgundy dress on - not planned - and it managed to blend the stain and I saved the chair with my quick acting as I took of my tights I felt the clot fall into the toilet and then I changed my tights etc sorted out myself - only to have to wait bloody ages for the toilet to refill after the first flush as the clot had left the bottom of the bowl stained!!!!

I have two daughters so I need to think of plans to help them really.

But this is a 12 year old, who unless OP is massively drip feeding, is not about to take on Olympics standard sport.

Right and so was RA when she was swimming as a young girl. People said that spirts women don't have to deal with it, I was simply giving 2 examples of sports women addressing the subject.

No doubt there are many reasons why pupils don't like PE - boys as well as girls. Unfortunately some girls have twigged that they can use periods as an excuse. Which actually, doesn't really do much for women as a class does it? It reinforces that women aren't as capable or allows other people to use periods against us because we use them against ourselves.

I'd be interested to hear how boys try to get out of PE. There must be unsporty boys too. What excuses do they give and why can't girls use the same excuse? Why do they choose to blame periods?

Which actually, doesn't really do much for women as a class does it? It reinforces that women aren't as capable or allows other people to use periods against us because we use them against ourselves.

Only if you have a misogynistic view point generally and see periods as some nasty womanly weakness in the first place.

As an observation- people who do a LOT of sports training are are more likely to start periods later and have lighter periods overall. The comparison is not valid.
As you were.

DS isn't unsporty as such but detests rugby (not surprising after the hypothermia incident!). His school are rugby obsessed and he has to play weekly in winter. He has been sent to the school med centre after developing a 'bad headache' a couple of times on PE day. Seemed fine once he got home though... Strangely he also seems fine in the summer when it is cricket or rowing!

Only if you have a misogynistic view point generally and see periods as some nasty womanly weakness in the first place.

But this is women portraying periods as a weakness - I can't do that because I'm on my period.

As an observation- people who do a LOT of sports training are are more likely to start periods later and have lighter periods overall. The comparison is not valid.

In the interview Rebecca Addlington says that she was young - 11 or 12 if I recall. And the comparison is valid when other posters are saying that sports women don't have to deal with periods.

Unfortunately some girls have twigged that they can use periods as an excuse.

It's not an excuse, that is assuming that it's a lie. Experiencing a heavy or uncomfortable period is a reason for being excused from pe, not an excuse.

Yes of course lots of children lie but in this case that is total irrelevant. She has a note from her mum. Children lie about having doctor's appointments or sprained ankles too that doesn't give you the right to stop my child going to the doctor's or force them to do PE with a swollen ankle. If it is a regular occurrence and you're suspicious by all means contact me to discuss my child's PE attendance but otherwise no they're not doing it.

It's not an excuse, that is assuming that it's a lie. Experiencing a heavy or uncomfortable period is a reason for being excused from pe, not an excuse.

Only if it is true. Read the posts where people say they lied about having their period so as not to do PE.

Those lies mean that now no one is believed.

Children lie about having doctor's appointments or sprained ankles too that doesn't give you the right to stop my child going to the doctor's or force them to do PE with a swollen ankle.

Which is why schools don't take the child's word for it - they ask for an appointment letter or a note from the dr saying that they can't do PE, because people lie.

Why is it only when it comes to periods that people react like this?

Girls could feign a headache, or feeling sick or something to get out of PE (as boys have to). Why are they opting to use periods?