Daughter walking home from school

[MrsL86]

My 11 year old daughter has recently started walking home from school alone. It is less than a mile & she was desperate to do it. She starts high school in September where she will have to get a bus to & from so we thought we’d start giving her a bit of independence now rather than throw her in at the deep end in sept. This morning I received a call from who school saying a concerned parent had been into school because they saw her walking home alone. School we’re asking me questions & making me feel like a bad parent for letting her walk home. I can’t stop thinking about the phone call & im now panicking if I have done the right thing. A lot of people I know have said they let their kids walk home in year 5 (she’s in yr 6) so I didn’t think she was too young... thoughts?

My dd is 11 and it high school. [ she is young in her year group but about to turn 12 soon.] We are in Scotland. She makes her way home in the dark on her two long days when she finishes school at 4pm. It is the norm.

Rightly or wrongly it is far more unusual to see primary school children wandering around alone

Not in my experience, and I live in one fairly average area of London and work in another. I see plenty of Year 6 primary schoolchildren taking themselves home at the end of the school day, and walking in on their own first thing in the morning.

Rivertam but presumably your mum would have let you make your own way to and from school had it been feasible and her attitude would have been reflected in her general parenting style.

Parents who don't let their kids make their own way to school even when age-appropriate are likely to mollycoddle their DCs in other ways too.

Does your DD know if other pupils walk home without their parents? It could be worth poin

Not sure what happened there. I meant to suggest that if your DD is one of several it could definitely be worth pointing that out and asking whether the school makes that sort of fuss about all of them.

silent I don't understand how your example makes any difference. If the older sibling is ill / injured in PE they need a parent to be informed and to pick them up. The parent would then deal with the younger sibling.

The school are insane! We have the same at my children's school...years 5 and 6 are able to walk home alone. At aged 11 I was taking trains from London to bloody surrey and changing at Clapham on my own...was put on the train by my mother and told to find my way!

You have made a judgement call based on your child, the school need to stop wasting their time and yours!

oh, sure, in fact I think she was pretty pissed off that she had to drive us there. She shunted us up to town on the tube by ourselves from about aged 12 to get us used to getting around on our own and out of her hair for an afternoon, no doubt.

I'm just saying that not walking to school doesn't automatically mean you're clueless, there's other ways to gain your independence. One of DD's friends will never walk to school without her mum because her youngest sibling will still only be in year 1 when she's in year 6 - but hopefully she'll be doing other things at the weekends by herself or with her pals.

Walked a mile to school on my own when I was 7. Yes I know it was 40 years ago but it's getting ridiculous. 11 is perfectly OK.

Walked a mile to school on my own when I was 7.
Yes, how things have changed. I remember when I was in Year 2 my teacher sending me out to the corner shop to pick up a bap! I'm not much older than you.

I would actually be more concerned with the school appearing the be unaware no-one is collecting the OP's child, than with the person contacting the school to express concern. The school really should know this child is walking home alone.

Why?

Our school (and all the all local primary schools) have no idea how the children go home.

They let the kids (from aged 4) out into the playground en masse at the end of the day and off they go.

Some go with parents.
Some walk to meet parents at cars.
Some walk home alone.

My D.C. walk 1.5 miles day home alone some days, are picked up others and walk to meet their Grandparents others.

The school have no idea what their schedule is nor have they ever asked for it.

Do some of your schools really individually hand over each child to a caretaker? Doesn’t that take forever?

My DS has been walking home since he was in year 5/6, I agree with you that it gives them there independence as moving to high school is a big enough change let alone then having to do more new things.
As for the school ringing I accept that they have a duty of care but at the end of the day your are her mother and it's your choice, so they ring every parent to ask if their child walks home

My nearly 10 year old started walking to and from school this school year. He is very sensible, and its less than 1 km to get there and lots of zebra crossings etc on the very straight route. I am more than happy for him to walk, and sometimes he walks with my youngest who is 7.

I would not let my 7 year old walk alone, he is way too trusting, lives in a dream land half the time and no where near as sensible and may not be either at 10. It all depends on the child and it sounds like you child is sensible, as are you.

My Yr6 daughter walks home from school, a 10-15 minute walk. She sometimes walks with friends, sometimes on her own. Has done since Easter 2018.

She has a very basic phone and sends a text when she sets off, and calls when she gets home. She's at home for about half an hour before i am.

The first few times she walked home, i walked a short distance behind her. Once she ran across the main road, so i caught up with her and asked her what happened. She knew straight away that she shouldn't have run with her friends but should have waited until it was safer to cross. She didn't do that again!

I think school are overreacting. Better to build independence during yr6 than suddenly drop the kids in it in yr7 and expect them to cope.

Is there something more to this, are you sure there was no comment at all about how safely she was walking / her behaviour on the walk?

My dd has been doing exactly the same now she’s in year 6. I think it’s fone op

MY children walked home if they wanted from y3 but lived very close to school. Recently their primary is now only releasing y3 to parents at home time. Stupid, kids need independence Imo.

When I was five years old, my mum took me to school on the first day. After that, I walked to and from my infants school every day, (sometimes with friends). The distance was about a mile or so.
I came to no harm.

Do some of your schools really individually hand over each child to a caretaker? Doesn’t that take forever?

My dds school has a system where Reception and Yr1 come out of one entrance, Yr 2, 3 and 4 out of another entrance and 5/6 come out of a 3rd entrance. Each door leads to the playground but each year group has their own "pick up area" where the parents wait.

Year R and Yr 1 come out in a line with the teacher and TA, the teacher goes along the line and each child is asked to identify the person collecting them. If the parent isn't there then they stand to one side with the TA in case they're late. When your child is at the front of the line, most parents call their child's name, the teacher confirms that you are mum/dad/grandparent etc and you go. At the start of the year it takes longer as the staff don't yet recognise every parent/carer but by the end of the first term the teacher usually looks at the crowd while walking out, looks to see who's at the front of the line and will say "Johnny, I can see your mummy. Jane, your daddy's here for you. Michael, is that your granny waiting there? Mary, I can't see your mum yet so stand with Miss Jones till she gets here etc " and dismissal takes 2/3 mins maximum.

Yr 2,3,4 the class comes out with the teacher, they stand in their specific area of the playground and the children look for the person collecting them. When they see them they tell their teacher and go. Any child who hasn't located their parent is expected to stay in their area so the teacher can easily see who is left at the end of pick up and they can be taken back inside to contact parents (if they havent called to say they'll be late)

Years 5 and 6 are just let out into the playground but any children who are allowed to walk home are already known to the school as they ask you to fill in a form at the start of the school year to indicate whether they can walk home alone. Any child who is supposed to be collected but isn't, by Yr 5 they are expected to take themselves into the office to inform reception that they havent been collected.

YANBU.

My DD is 9 and in Yr 5 and has happily chosen to walk the 20 minutes home from school by herself.

I have given her an old mobile of mine and have installed the 'Life360' tracker on it, so can watch as her little picture walks along the route and if she is delayed or needs me to come and get her for whatever reason, she can give me a quick call or text.

You are her parent and as such, you are the person most qualified to decide if your DD is ready for this responsibility. As long as both you and she are happy with this arrangement, that is all that matters, don't let a busy-body's unsolicited opinion make you second guess yourself.

It's so weird how whatever is normal for now becomes the Unquestionable and Eternal Truth. In the UK these days you get questions from the school when an 11 year old walks home. Here in Germany our kids started school, aged 6, in September, and we're starting to get side eye from the head teacher when we drop the kids off at school in the morning. About a third of the class walk to school on their own. We're about the furthest away so we'll probably wait till they're 7. Which is the age I walked to school alone, but I still have the UK mindset, because it feels impossibly early.

Is she particularly small for her age? I have DC's in years 5 and 6 and recently started dropping them at a nearby school so they can walk the 15/20 mins to school so we can get to work on time. It's been working well so far. But obviously my year 5 dc will be walking alone come September if we continue with this arrangement.... she is very small for her age, height wise at least two years smaller than she should be so I worry people might say something or hassle her/me for allowing her to walk.

At the moment she doesn't want to walk alone - that said she is very lazy and doesn't like walking with her brother so I don't think it's because she isn't confident about walking alone!

Where we used to live it was middle school from year 5 Which was based in the old secondary school. So kids walked there from 9. As a consequence many parents let there kids walk home from year 4.

I think it would be nicer if she walked with friends,
there was a year 6 girl who walked home alone and the teacher had a word because she wore a very short skirt.

At my school you have to inform them that your DC is walking home alone and they try to buddy them up for the journey and give them permission for a phone to be left at reception.

Having said that, I see these children walking to/from school and if I saw them jaywalking or I saw some bloke in a white van shouting stuff at them I would tell the school. Make sure non of that has happened to your daughter.

Our school encourages yr6 to walk on their own.

Most yr 6 have a phone and the teacher has a box where they collect the phones in the morning and hand them back out in the afternoon.

You are doing the right thing.

My DC is now yr7 and she's doing a lot more on her own. It's only the dark mornings/evenings that are holding us back at the moment. As soon as it's lighter she'll be off!