Daughter walking home from school

[MrsL86]

My 11 year old daughter has recently started walking home from school alone. It is less than a mile & she was desperate to do it. She starts high school in September where she will have to get a bus to & from so we thought we’d start giving her a bit of independence now rather than throw her in at the deep end in sept. This morning I received a call from who school saying a concerned parent had been into school because they saw her walking home alone. School we’re asking me questions & making me feel like a bad parent for letting her walk home. I can’t stop thinking about the phone call & im now panicking if I have done the right thing. A lot of people I know have said they let their kids walk home in year 5 (she’s in yr 6) so I didn’t think she was too young... thoughts?

[insideoutsider]

My daughter's school went into shivers when I said I wanted her to start walking home from school (1 mile away) at the start of Yr6 (10yr old). She would be going to secondary school on a train and a walk so I needed her to start building up on her outdoor / spatial awareness. After 2 months of meetings, the school got me to write a letter and sign a consent form.

Guess what? Other moms came to ask me how it was going and about 8 other kids started walking home, splitting off at the junction on their different journeys by themselves.

If you know your child is able to, you are definitely doing the right thing. Many others will soon follow suit.

To think of it, in my nephew's school in Birmingham, the children are required to walk home from school from the spring term of Yr6 (except SEN, I think).

[waterrat]

I actually think my seven years old could do it if it was considered normal I'd let him walk with a friend. But sadly it would he frowned on.

[weekendninja]

Without knowing the route it's impossible to completely say.

I'd have no issue if my DS walked the route through the houses if you turned right at the gates...turn left onto a quiet wooded path and I wouldn't allow it.

[CreakyBlinder]

I mean this nicely @waterrat but so what? It's nobody else's business at all.

[howabout]

I would have asked the school who the concerned parent was. You are right to be assuming this is someone who knows you and your dd. It isn't really on for them to be reporting you to the school and not talking to you. In the absence of a policy from the school on collecting DC it also isn't on for them to be acting on tip offs from other parents I don't think.

My 7 year old currently crosses with the lollipop man and meets me halfway along the route home. To a nosy parent in the playground she looks to be walking home alone. Fortunately where I live the usual reaction would be to make sure a DC was OK by letting them walk with you / looking out for their parent - not complaining to the school.

[firawla]

Really strange that school would even phone and ask! Most of the year 6s at ours seem to go in or home alone, it’s really common

[clary]

How ridiculous of the school, of course it's fine. Honestly I worry about future generations, some kids and teens are so lacking resilience. I had a student once in yr 8 (so, 12-13 yo) tell me she wasn't allowed to walk home alone, about a mile or so, with a massive crowd of other kids from the school 🙄
Hardly any kids were picked up in yr 6 when my dc were at primary (only 5 yrs ago!)

[MrsL86]

No not Scotland, north England. Still light here at 3:30 n it’s only a 5-10 minute walk. He didn’t say in the phone that I need to fill a form out or ask for anything so I’m assuming it isn’t needed. It didn’t feel like just a follow up call though, the way he spoke made me feel like I was doing something wrong. He said if you want to come in & speak to me & the head to discuss it then you can, I just said I don’t feel like I need to discuss anything n he was like oh okay, as if I should be going in discussing it?? I just feel like they have made quite a big deal out of an 11 yr old walking less than a mile in the middle of the afternoon 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Quartz2208]

Did you inform the school or just the teacher

Ours are fine with walking home from Year 5 but you have to tell them so they are clear as to how

[steppemum]

Totally normal and totally fine for an 11 year old to walk.

The only time I would hesitate is

• veyr busy road with no proper crossings
  

-very busy road, but I didn't trust them to walk down to the proper crossing, and thought they might dash over
-SEN that might mean they were vulnerable

• need to walk down a dark alley in a dangerous area.
  

-rural and the road has no pavement

Given that none of those are veyr likely, there is no issue.
My kids walked from year 4. Our school has a policy on it, many schools do, ours is, from year 4 with parent's persmission.
I once had someone from school question something, and when I have gone back to the head (who is a bit older and has kids herself) the head has been 100% supportive of my decision. (laughed off the concern actually, which was from a young TA whose kids were only 5 and 3)

Just because someone else is a helicopter parent, don't let that stop you from doing what you know is OK for your kids.

[PearsandWine]

I let all my DC start traveling home alone from about half way through year 5 so 10 years old. The journey involved a bus ride followed by a walk of about half a mile in central London. They did carry a mobile though.

Lots of their friends did the same.

[C8H10N4O2]

For goodness sake I'd expect the school to have the sense to tell the "concerned parent" that 10/11 yr olds walking less than a mile to and from school is not only normal but desirable.

What on earth are they going to do when the children go to secondary?

[Ali1cedowntherabbithole]

I allowed both my older DC to do this from year 6 for exactly the reasons you said. (although with DS I was still doing the school run with younger DD - just a few hundred yards behind - but still ).

I will be doing the same soon with youngest DD. We are in a village with other parents walking or driving to school who would contact me or school if there was an issue. Otherwise, it's a parenting decision.

[Faultymain5]

Your fine. My daughter turned 10 in August so still 10. She's been walking home on Fridays since Summer term last year. We got her used to opening the door herself prior to that. It's building up her independence. I'm looking forward to high school though.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I agree that it's fine and a good way to build up her confidence for the change of school. Where I am nearly all children walk from Y5 and most Y4 children start at some point to get them used to it. It works really well.

[Dragon3]

You would have been unreasonable not to allow this at age 11. Research points to the damage that overprotecting children does to their confidence and resilience. Your DD will start secondary with one box already ticked. It would have been crazy not to support her (assuming no special dangers along the way)!

Ask the school tell the parent to thank the parent for their concern and tell them to approach you directly if they have any more questions.

[cafenoirbiscuit]

So the school would rather you potentially congested the roads by driving her there and back? They are being ridiculous. As is the 'concerned parent'.

[NoPhelange]

My daughter is 9 in year 5 and walks half a mile home from school. Send me to the stocks! She walks with 2 friends who live in our road, they cross from school at the lollipop man and then it's a long road home. Weather appropriate clothing, charged phone, 11 is absolutely fine.

[AlexanderHamilton]

It wasn't allowed at my children's school. I thought it was ridiculous back then and still do.

[steppemum]

Maybe send in a note.

Positive breezy tone - just to confirm, that as of this date dd has permission to walk home from school by herself. Yours sincerely Mum

I would also add that your dd is alrady 11, but many starting secondary are only just 11, so she is a similar age to those year 7's who have to negotiate a bus and walk at to get to secondary school

[TeenTimesTwo]

The concerned parent could easily be the parent of a y2 who happens to recognise your DD. Just because they know your DD doesn't mean they know you.

The parent of y2 can be forgiven for not realising that y6s are capable of walking home alone.

The 'normal' rule is not to approach other parents (see bullying etc).

I don't see that anyone, the OP, the school, the DC, nor the other parent have done anything unreasonable here. Total non issue.

[WakeMeWhenTheyTurn18]

Parent being a nosy bugger but the school was right to phone you and investigate the concern as part of their safeguarding and welfare to you child. Children here are walking home from yr 4! (Uk) but the parent has to notify the school in writing that they are happy for the child to leave the school unaccompanied.

[LondonJax]

Crikey, our primary school supported kids walking home from school.

They used to encourage kids who had mobiles to bring them to school, leave them at the front desk and collect at the end of the day so they had them for the walk home.

And I had a couple of kids who would join me and my DS halfway along on our walk to or from school then veer off to go the rest of the way home. It never even occurred to me that there was a 'problem' with kids in year 6 preparing for the longer journey home when they joined secondary school. It was almost expected.

[SearchingForSeaGlass]

I'm in Scotland, and from p3 (age 6-7) children can leave our school at home time whether or not any adult is there to collect them. There are always a few young children who live close enough to school that after crossing the nearby road with a lollipop man, they continue along the road home without having to cross any other roads, or they meet an adult at the next road crossing. I think it's great. There are enough other children and adults walking the route that the children feel safe and want to do it.

[MothertotheLordsofmisrule]

Our junior school expected them to be walking in yr6, the nearest secondary is a 15 min walk but all the others are a bus/train ride away.

Also as pp have said the parent most likely knows your dd and you, so why not talk to you rather than the school??