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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
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9
Mossend · 16/01/2019 21:39

As your DD is 17 I think you are BU.
She should be able to walk a mile herself.

Seniorcitizen1 · 16/01/2019 21:41

I had to walk over a mile to scholl when I was 5 years old - in rain, snow, sunshine and darkness. Another example of snowflake generation.

GhostSauce · 16/01/2019 21:45

Where did OP say the DD has SEN? I didn't catch that.

If she does then that's potentially very different.

donquixotedelamancha · 16/01/2019 21:50

Where did OP say the DD has SEN? I didn't catch that.

She didn't. It's a sarcastic response to the level of shock OP has that her daughter had to walk a mile and the driver didn't even check she got home OK.

Loka123 · 16/01/2019 21:56

If she was e.g. 11, then you would be in the right but:

  1. She is over 16 (16+ can leave school, go to work etc. and are often regarded as adults. 2)A mile really isn't that far, esp for a familiar route. I walk over 2.5 miles most days and I'm certainly not the sportiest or fittest. 3)It is technically her fault for forgetting her pass and if they allowed it then, everyone would think it's ok to forget their pass and they'd all have to be allowed the same privilege of staying on - in the end, you'd probs get random people off the street on that bus.

BUT in your favour
4) It is unfair that it's not one of those where you can at least pay to get a temp pass/fare if you've been forgetful that day - that would have been fairer and more profitable to them than simply kicking people who forget their passes off.

I think it's natural for you to feel that it was unfair because you are her parent and you probably regard her as much younger than she is and are more protective over her (just like nearly all parents are).

FuckingYuleLog · 16/01/2019 21:57

Yabu tbh. At 17 I had my own flat and had travelled to a different continent with friends my age so I can’t get worked up about a 17 yr old having to walk a mile to their college in the early morning.
If she didn’t have a pass someone should have taken her or she could have got a taxi.
Maybe they have had a problem with students not paying for passes and pretending they are lost and they’re getting a new one that day so they’ve had to crack down. Or maybe the driver is just a jobsworth. Either way you need a pass to travel and she didn’t have one so she didn’t have the right to travel.

Barbie222 · 16/01/2019 21:59

No, I couldn't get worked up about this, apart from the fact that you're expecting her to carry her stuff on and off a bus with a broken arm and no money. YABU.

Inliverpool1 · 16/01/2019 21:59

My daughter is nearly 19 and the college phones me if she’s absent or late. They say it’s due to their duty of care that I am to be accountable for an adults attendance. Can’t have it both ways

AJPTaylor · 16/01/2019 21:59

Given your further explanation it was petty and jobsworth.

Maryann1975 · 16/01/2019 22:00

Honestly people are so mean spirited.
YANBU OP - people can choose to be kind or they can choose to ruin someone day. I don’t care how old she is, what they did was mean
^this^

It doesn’t matter what you used to do in the olden days. The op doesn’t say her daughter objects to walking or that she can’t manage the walk. That’s not what the post is about. The bus driver could have let your dd on the bus today and told her to make sure she had her pass tomorrow or she wouldn’t be able to travel again. that’s what our bus drivers used to do in similar circumstances 25 years ago. They generally recognised us and I assume knew that if we didn’t get the bus there was no other way for us to get to school to get an education. We all forget things occasionally. The bus driver could have handled the situation much better.

Also, on our school buses we wouldn’t have been able to pay a fare, you either had a free bus pass or in the sixth form, you had to pay in advance to the council. So the bus driver wouldn’t have been interested in taking money from us.

minisoksmakehardwork · 16/01/2019 22:03

Whilst I understand the whole rural college bus service being specifically for students and not a general service bus, I do think the bus driver was in an impossible position.

Your dd was unlucky that the day they chose to do a spot check was the day she didn't have one. Therefore as far as the driver was concerned she was not entitled to travel.

It doesn't matter if the driver happened to be a friend or relative, if they see her every day. On the day they checked she couldn't prove she was allowed to travel on that bus.

How would you feel if, having recognised your dd as a regular traveller, he let her on without her pass and was then inspected himself, earning a suspension from his job because he had a passenger without the correct travel pass?

That said, there should be information somewhere about the action needed if a bus pass is lost or stolen - from memory the bus passes aren't cheap.

Could she not have used her college ID to prove she was a current student?

The driver bears no responsibility to ensure she got home safely. If anything, the responsibility lay with you to ensure your dd got safely to college. You left her at a bus stop without her having the means to prove she was allowed to travel. You left her laden with her bags, in the dark. Probably with piss poor walking routes and a broken arm and expected she would be ok.

Just because your child is a teenager and at college doesn't mean that sometimes they don't still need us to help them out a little. In your shoes, if She hadn't been able to ascertain she was ok to travel before getting on the bus - assuming the lost pass was only discovered this morning or very late last night - I would have taken her to college myself.

Notso · 16/01/2019 22:03

I had to walk over a mile to scholl when I was 5 years old - in rain, snow, sunshine and darkness.

Well done, have a bloody coconut.

MarcieBluebell · 16/01/2019 22:04

Ynbu

She obviously uses the bus everyday and the driver was being a jobsworth. If passes aren't checked everyday because it's a college bus I would have turned a blind eye the once.

maddiemookins16mum · 16/01/2019 22:06

So she never goes out in the dark alone ever?
What concerns me is there are a whole generation of almost adults being babied by their parents still.

Sparklybanana · 16/01/2019 22:07

I think you’re all being harsh. He drives her every day so he knew she wasn’t a random. It wouldn’t have been a big deal to say that he needed to see it the next day or she wouldn’t have been allowed on. Different to say, getting on a train or a regular bus.
Plus, why didn’t he check passes as they boarded? Surely this is what happens normally?

somewhereovertherain · 16/01/2019 22:08

I can’t believe you didn’t call childline, the nspcc and the police.

I mean a 17 year old having to walk a fucking mile. Im shcoked

Driver was correct and YABU

GiantKitten · 16/01/2019 22:09

So she never goes out in the dark alone ever?

ODFOD

Mintychoc1 · 16/01/2019 22:11

YANBU. The bus driver sounds petty. On my son’s school bus they have a rule that you get one day without a pass, which gives you time to get a new one.

CaptainCabinets · 16/01/2019 22:11

I think the bus driver was being a tosser; he knows her and there are only four passengers!

Does your DD have any SEN, OP? My sister gets a private bus to college as she has autism, I can only imagine the state she’d be in if the bus driver kicked her off! She has no savvy to plan for any issues so she’d probably be catatonic by the roadside if this happened to her!

maddiemookins16mum · 16/01/2019 22:11

Right back at you hun.

Yabbers · 16/01/2019 22:14

Bus driver was being a twat. But, invaluable life lesson for your daughter. They only ever ask for your ticket when you don’t have one.

A few times I’ve been last minute to catch the tram. I have an app you validate at the stop but sometimes it crashes or takes ages to work. It’s a pain as you are supposed to wait til it validates before you get on and they won’t do it on the tram (except some inspectors do) 95% of the time they never check tickets, especialy if the tram is busy but I guarantee the times they check is when it hasn’t worked!

There’s not a duty of care, but any decent person would say “just don’t do it again”

She wouldn't have been insured to be on the bus as she had no ticket
Oh for goodness sakes, where do people come up with this nonsense?

Cleffa · 16/01/2019 22:18

My 8yo walks a mile to school each morning, I hardly think that's something to get worked up about.

That said, there should be some system in place whereby a student can travel without a pass in order to obtain a temporary one and I do think that since the driver knows her he should have allowed her to travel.

I think I would have contacted her college prior to travel and found out what was expected in this case - she can't be the first to have lost her pass and if there is no fare to pay it's not like she had anything else to offer.

MarcieBluebell · 16/01/2019 22:19

I don't understand why her age is an issue. It's just about the driver showing mean-spiritness.

A good deed now and again is a nice thing. I once lost my bus ticket but the driver remembered serving me the return ticket and let me on. It saved me being stranded. See the difference kindness makes.

WordInYourShellLike · 16/01/2019 22:23

God what has happened to kindness and compassion? I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - the bus driver was. Do people really give so little of a shit about each other any more? Anyone can lose stuff, kid or adult. Who on here can say they've never misplaced a purse / phone / keys / other quite important item that they really should take more care of? What could have happened to someone forced to walk a mile in the dark, with rain further creating poor visibility and driving conditions, along country lanes, probably with no street lights? Doesn't take much imagination surely? Jeez...

ReanimatedSGB · 16/01/2019 22:26

The driver is a miserable jobsworth cunt. I would complain about his behaviour: the OP has said that her DD gets this bus every day, with the same driver; he knows she is entitled to ride it, there are no cash fares, but he kicked her off the bus anyway. I wonder if it gave him a hardon to think of a young woman with a broken arm having to walk a mile or so in the pissing rain, just because he had the power to make her suffer.