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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
cheesywotnots · 16/01/2019 21:17

Maybe she could have just told the driver when she got on that she had lost her pass but mum was outside, could she have a free trip or does mum need to drive her in. He might of thought she was being disrespectful just getting on knowing she had no pass, if I were him I would have let it go especially as he knows her and asked for her name and address in case head office want to make an issue of it.

simplyhaving · 16/01/2019 21:17

Is it honestly a 3 hour round trip daily? Just to go to college? Could she not move somewhere closer?

SluggishSnail · 16/01/2019 21:18

Good lord, why are people so hung up on walking a mile and debating if it's far or not.

The OP clearly stated that the journey to college takes 1.5 hours (by bus)

1 mile was just getting home, i.e. the distance she travels to and from the bus stop every day.

bellabasset · 16/01/2019 21:18

At 11 (late 50's) I walked through South London streets the 2.7 miles to school. But not sure I would be happy with an 11 year old doing that today.

I now live in Cornwall and with narrow winding lanes and no pavements, especially where there are lorry routes it can be dangerous. Yes colleges do have their own buses that are not used by the public. Passes are £600 annually here so I would take a dim view of this. I think some people use an app on their phone. It's worth scanning the lanyard in so she has proof of it on her phone for emergencies. The college is 20 miles away.

SkylightAndChandelier · 16/01/2019 21:19

in the dark

It was 7am - not 7pm - it was dark, but would be light soon!

I grew up rurally - I was out and off to whereever I had to be that early from when I was about 11! Wouldn't have thought twice - even on country lanes, you follow the rules - although I rarely had to walk along a road, we all knew the short cuts across fields.

youarenotkiddingme · 16/01/2019 21:20

Grrrrrr this is one of year really annoying cases where 'technically' he was within his rights but realistically he knows your DD, knows it's a long journey, knows she has a pass and also could see a physical injury - but just decided to play by the rules rather than exert reasonable judgement.

Those saying jobsworth are right imo.

Yanbu by unfortunately neither was he! X

Dollymixture22 · 16/01/2019 21:20

I don’t think this was a particular hardship for your daughter. The bus driver was a bit OTT, but She should be old enough to cope with this situation - in a few months she could be working or away to university.

If she was eleven or twelve I would agree with you, but you do see, to be infantilising her.

Perhaps time, to take a step back and let her cope with little hiccups like this, it will better prepare her for the bigger challenges she will face.

youarenotkiddingme · 16/01/2019 21:21

Ignore the kids 🤭😳 my phone added that itself 🙈🤦🏼‍♀️😂

KonekoBasu · 16/01/2019 21:21

I forgot my train pass once. Completely my fault, didn't realise until I was at the barrier. They let me through anyway, saying they knew I had one. I was 35. Despite not being taught a harsh lesson, it's the only time I've forgotten it.

I think the bus driver should have let her on.

youarenotkiddingme · 16/01/2019 21:21

Kids not kids - see my phone hates me 😂

youarenotkiddingme · 16/01/2019 21:22

Ffs kiss 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️🙈

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/01/2019 21:23

What would have happened if the bus had been involved in an accident and your DD had been injured. She wouldn't have been insured to be on the bus as she had no ticket. You could possibly have ended up with a DD needing costly home adapatations which you would have to pay for as the bus company insurance wouldn't cover it.

youaremyrain · 16/01/2019 21:27

You really didn't make it clear that the one mile walk was back home and they she missed a day of college (90 mins bus ride away) because of this.

You also didn't initially make it clear that this was a special bus service for the college and not a public bus service that accepts fares. If you'd been clearer you would have got different responses

19lottie82 · 16/01/2019 21:27

I was about to say YABU until I got to this bit

You can’t pay, special bus, she knows the bus driver, there is only 4 people getting
on the bus

That’s really shit. The bus driver sounds like a dick.

tinytemper66 · 16/01/2019 21:27

Whilst I think it was a little harsh, if I had a child with a broken arm, I may have gone out of my way to get her to college myself so she didn`t have to carry bags etc and she would have been more comfortable.

Polkapjs · 16/01/2019 21:29

I don’t think you are U at all. It’s still not a nice human thing to do especially if she goes every day and he’ll have seen her before

ModernStoneAgeFamily · 16/01/2019 21:32

I have a dd (17) who does the same ie bus to college, mile from home to the bus stop etc.

She walks to the bus stop every morning. Any cock ups re missing the bus or lost pass etc we would always try to help with if there was time, but not always possible.

Otherwise plan B is for her to the get another bus at her expense into town to catch a train instead (also at her expense). She knows this and has made one mistake so far.

This is how the real world work and she knows how to deal with situations if they happen.

The driver can’t be faffing about with a bus full of people who could all potentially be in the same situation at one time or another. Time to grow up I’m afraid.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/01/2019 21:33

If he was a regular driver and knew her, he was being a jobsworth dick to make her walk. Especially in the dark and with a broken arm.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/01/2019 21:34

The driver can’t be faffing about with a bus full of people

Four people.

WofflingOn · 16/01/2019 21:34

Still say it’s a parenting fail, you should have checked everything was ok before abandoning her if she had no money and no plan. other than hoping she’d get away with it.
I do like the tip of scanning a pass into a phone!

GiantKitten · 16/01/2019 21:37

specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night)

This was in OP so it's pretty clear that paying a bus fare wasn't going to be an option.

with hindsight OP probably should have made sure driver knew about the missing pass before driving away, but in the circs of this bus & this student it was quite reasonable to assume she'd be ok.

Driver was definitely a jobsworth. I would be complaining.

PattiStanger · 16/01/2019 21:38

What would have happened if the bus had been involved in an accident and your DD had been injured. She wouldn't have been insured to be on the bus as she had no ticket

Tickets aren't relevant in this situation, it's not how school or college transport works, I'd be amazed if the bus company insurance policy had an exclusion for passengers entitled to a place in the bus who happened to have forgotten their pass that day. Tbh I'd also be surprised if service buses had that clause

CowJumping · 16/01/2019 21:38

I wonder how many of the posters sayings what's the problem live rurallywhere there aren't pavements or street lights and walking in the dark and rain when you aren't expecting to can actually be quite dangerous

My family home was at the end of a drive about a third of a mile long (unlit) and then a country road (no pavements, and 1 street light) which was a mile to the main road & bus stop. I walked that to & from school every school day from the age of 11. With my school case.

I was fine. Quite a lot fitter & freer than most of my school friends.

Theimpossiblegirl · 16/01/2019 21:38

The driver was harsh. If my DD's driver is spot checking, he'll just tell them to make sure they have the pass the next day if they've forgotten theirs because he knows if they don't get the bus, they don't get to school and he's a decent bloke. There are no public buses that go through our village to the school.

A mile isn't far, but a mile down windy country roads in the dark is not pleasant, especially as it was a mile home and she was missing a day of education.

ModernStoneAgeFamily · 16/01/2019 21:39

Four people or more, it’s not a plan to hope the bus driver is feeling magnanimous.