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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
sobby · 19/01/2019 12:29

I think he was very harsh and controlling. We all lose things and the fact she has a broken arm too that's so cruel, it's not okay, it's the bus to college for goodness sake and only college students go there. It was mean and very uncaring of the driver.

I don't believe what you all are saying, I suspect those who agree with the driver have small children and think 17 are nearly adults, not in this world we live in. I was very grown up at 17 but things have changed as we as parents don't allow them to grown up as it doesn't feel as safe.

GlitterStick · 19/01/2019 12:48

Since when is a 17 year old a child? Isn't it strange how the words child and girl (insinuating small and helpless) are bandied about but in any other context that would be shouted down rightly as not being acceptable.
You're college age. Legally allowed to move out and get married at 18 which could feasibly only be days away if you're 17.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/01/2019 13:33

TheLittleDogLaughed

I don’t think anyone yet has suggested the bus driver is a rapist!

It hasn't but it has been suggested and approved by some that he is some sort of sexual deviant that gets a hard on from having power over a young girl.

Original poster
user1471461798 · 19/01/2019 16:05

Can I just clear up a few points, My daughter couldn’t have got a temporary pass that morning, she only realised the pass was missing as she was leaving for the coach, left at 6.40, coach leaves stop at 6.55. The college wouldn’t have had reception open at that time. If the driver had asked when she got on, she would have explained.
She was running late as she had a quick look for her pass. She assumed that as the driver didn’t check, as he doesn’t always. That he wanted to leave ASAP, she just sat down.
If I had taken her I would have been 2 hours late for work.
Should I just have said to her have the day off.

Also 17 year olds have to either be in education or an apprenticeship until they’re 18, she’s only just 17. If she had not gone in, she would have had an unauthorised absence.

OP posts:
Knittedgnome · 19/01/2019 16:54

I'd lived alone for a year by that age.

Are people honestly suggesting women shouldn't walk around after dark because they could get raped?

Inliverpool1 · 19/01/2019 17:01

Erm yes. Risk management is a thing

Knittedgnome · 19/01/2019 17:02

You're saying women can't walk after dark these days? Really?

Dollymixture22 · 19/01/2019 17:05

This thread has become a bit side tracked!

The bus drivers should have used some discretion, he knew your daughter had a pass, and therefore had paid for the service., but he wanted to make a point. Technically he was in the right, but common sense and common decency should have prevailed.

Your daughter is nearly an adult, but in your initial post you spoke about her as if she was a small child who the bus drivers shouldn’t have left unsupervised. I think that cause the conversation to get off topic.

It shouldn’t have happened, bus driver was being a jerk.

almostfamousme · 19/01/2019 17:07

A taxi drops a woman in a dodgy area because she has no money and she is raped.
Who is at fault? You seem to be saying the taxi driver.

As I've already said, I'm a taxi driver and I would never drop a vulnerable person in a dodgy area because they had no money. It's no skin off my nose to keep them on board until I'm in a safe place. I don't think any of my colleagues, or my boss, would say any different.
If it cost a couple of quid extra, I'd pay it myself if I had to. But I don't think I'd have to.

Inliverpool1 · 19/01/2019 17:11

@Knittedgnome no not these days, they never could. A girl, 18 in my year at 6th popped to McDonalds on NYE whilst we waited at the bus stop. Between McDonald’s and the bus stop she was abducted and murdered ... 30 feet, took less than 2 mins. We stood waiting for 20 before thinking wtf, checking toilets etc. it happens that fast.

needsahouseboy · 19/01/2019 17:12

FFS she is 17, it was a mile walk, most people have to just crack on with life when they break their arm.

No wonder people have absolutely no resilience if a 17 year old can't walk a mile! She had a broken arm not leg.

Inliverpool1 · 19/01/2019 17:12

And that was not a rough area, was considered a nice place at the time

GySgtHartman · 19/01/2019 17:32

If it cost a couple of quid extra, I'd pay it myself if I had to. But I don't think I'd have to.

If you don't mind me asking. How often could you afford to keep on doing this, or how often would you if it were the same person before you felt they were talking advantage of your kind nature?

Original poster
user1471461798 · 19/01/2019 17:56

Dollymixture, where did I say she shouldn’t have been left unsupervised, I said he had a duty of care as she had got on the bus and sat down before he asked for passes. Once he had accepted her on the bus, that’s when the duty of care started!

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 19/01/2019 18:20

I was paraphrasing - sorry if I misrepresented you. You said the bus drivers had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. I assumed you felt she was unsafe because she was alone at that time in the morning?

I do agree with you that he should have just taken her to college. However I think you are over egging it just a little.

marcopront · 19/01/2019 18:21

@almostfamousme
That comment was not aimed at you. I apologise if you thought it was.

FrancisCrawford · 19/01/2019 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitterStick · 19/01/2019 18:25

Erm yes risk management is a thing.

So women have to curfew themselves and not go anywhere after dark just in case?
I don't usually swear but .... Fuck. That. Shit.

Knittedgnome · 19/01/2019 18:39

So women have to curfew themselves and not go anywhere after dark just in case?
I don't usually swear but .... Fuck. That. Shit.

Seriously.

Knittedgnome · 19/01/2019 18:45

Sorry. Didn't want to derail so I'll start another thread.

Original poster
user1471461798 · 19/01/2019 19:04

Franciscrawford, I meant she had a quick look in her bag, but didn’t have time to look elsewhere in the house. Bus would have left without her- which, in the end, it did!

OP posts:
TheLittleDogLaughed · 19/01/2019 19:14

User147 how was the driver with her the next day? I’m assuming he didn’t apologise. I really do find his behaviour pretty awful and he is lucky if he doesn’t get reprimanded for it.

Original poster
user1471461798 · 19/01/2019 20:06

Littledog, He didn’t look ar her, but apparently he doesn’t look at anyone. He is not friendly and never chats to the students. I do think he’s in the wrong job. When I was at college, we had a great time with our coach drivers, (used to give us cigarettes 😳, early 80’s). Thanks to everyone who had sympathy for her.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 20:11

It hasn't but it has been suggested and approved by some that he is some sort of sexual deviant that gets a hard on from having power over a young girl.

No, just an ego trip.

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 20:14

He most definitely is in the wrong job.
Hopefully not for much longer. He deserves at least a very strong reprimand.

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