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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
RiverTam · 18/01/2019 12:45

but it suggests that both know she shouldn't have been chucked off the bus. Which answers the OP's original point.

Waspnest · 18/01/2019 12:52

Glad it's (sort of) resolved OP. Have either side suggested what the policy is if this happens to someone else in the future?

And yes AIBU is absolutely poisonous. But I'm starting to become tougher and not back down when faced with the nastiest posters, I think most of them are cowards who wouldn't say boo to a goose in RL.

SalemTheBlackCat · 18/01/2019 13:13

My apologies if this has been asked before, I think I read up to 500 responses, but was there is bad feeling between your daughter and the driver? Has there been any incidents in the past? I've had an experience with a bus driver (also rural area), nothing like yours, but he started to refuse to drop me off on the corner of my street, almost straight opposite my house, out of spite and made me get out with others at a stop just before. The difference was almost negligible, and it was basically just a courtesy, but it was petty and spiteful. Otherwise it seems strange he would do that to her out of no where.

GySgtHartman · 18/01/2019 13:31

but it suggests that both know she shouldn't have been chucked off the bus.

Both are blaming the other, so one or both are wrong. I'd also add why didn't the driver know? Or he did and what other posters a have said about him just being petty minded or basically being a dick are true.

I'd bet the policy is that you should have a pass but neither have the basic moral courage to say that when deploying to the OP Either way the OPs daughter knows now that if she forgets her pass she's allowed to travel.

almostfamousme · 18/01/2019 20:22

A lot of people have their judgey pants on today, must be the cold weather.

The driver, obviously, was being a cunt jobsworth. He knew her. it was cold and dark outside. Presumably there weren't many people around om the walk home, as it's a rural area. She has a broken arm. She's a young girl.

My 11 year old dd was thrown off a bus once when she was a few pence short for the fare. She has mild cerebral palsy which makes walking very tiring, she was tiny for her age, not very strong, shy and anxious. She was 3 miles from home along a dangerous main road with no footpath, and I was an hour away at work. Luckily, a friend from our village happened to drive past and picked her up. Most of the drivers would have let her stay on the bus but that one was an arse. I made sure the bus company knew exactly how I felt, and I got an apology.

I'm a taxi driver. I would never chuck a vulnerable young girl out in the dark because she didn't quite have what was required to get where she was going safely. A 17 year old with a broken arm is no less vulnerable than my daughter.

OP, good for you. It's important to teach our daughters that they are worthy of respect.

GiantKitten · 18/01/2019 21:40

I notice that all the smug GFs haven't been seen since OPs most recent post Confused

They're probably very busy today but I'm sure they'll be back to admit they were wrong.

FuckOffMeadowSoprano · 18/01/2019 21:45

Can I just hop on and say that bus drivers and women travelling alone are not responsible for rapes.

Rapists are responsible for rapes.

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/01/2019 22:07

GiantKitten
I notice that all the smug GFs haven't been seen since OPs most recent post

Do you mean those that disagree with you?

ReaganSomerset · 18/01/2019 22:23

Do you mean those that disagree with you?

I disagree with the idea that the bus driver was being unreasonable, but don't think I'm a smug gf (goady fucker?). I just think you can't expect people to bend the rules for you and ought to be up front about it if you're going to ask them to.

Threeminis · 18/01/2019 22:45

I agree with pp in the a mile isn't far. However, a mile on the roads around us with no footpath, and on a dark morning simply would not be safe. If she is on the bus regularly and it's the same driver I don't think yabu

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/01/2019 22:53

I have had replies from both college and bus company, both blaming each other’s policies

this bothers me, especially when linked to

but college have said the driver was correct!

Somebody, somewhere is doing some serious backtracking, and I suspect that the OP won't have to worry about the driver as I think that he will take the fall, for following the rules that were set.

ReaganSomerset · 18/01/2019 22:54

@BoneyBackJefferson

I imagine so, yes. Poor driver. Sad

GiantKitten · 18/01/2019 23:06

BoneyBackJefferson
I notice that all the smug GFs haven't been seen since OPs most recent post
Do you mean those that disagree with you?

Why assume I mean that?

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/01/2019 23:14

GiantKitten

The general tone of the thread, with regard to anyone that doesn't support the OP and her DD.

lack of definition in your statement.

the lack of people (including myself) that haven't pulled others up on their vile posts about the driver.

The usual reasons, I apologise if its not the case.

Poshjock · 18/01/2019 23:26

I just want to jump on to say that in these circumstances duty of care will be until 18 years of age. As the bus is contracted to the college (to which the OP pays a contribution) the DOC extends through them also.

Whether anyone thinks that at 17 she is an adult or not - is irrelevant. In my employment, we have DOC to all apprentices under 18 which means they have to be in bed by 11pm and are not to consume alcohol. This is not popular with the 17yr 11 month old trainees and less popular with me when I am trying to corral them into their dorm at 1050pm! But its our DOC and if anything was to happen to that 17year old - its our fault.

The fact that the college and bus company have accepted that she should not have been put of the bus does not surprise me. DOC will be in college policy- specifically with regard to under 18s and they are duty bound to follow the policy. Likely the driver will be rebriefed on his responsiblities.

marcopront · 19/01/2019 02:53

GiantKitten
I notice that all the smug GFs haven't been seen since OPs most recent post

Or maybe they have others things to do.

I don't know if you think I am a GF but I have repeatedly asked why she couldn't tell the driver when she got on the bus she didn't have a pass. I have been ignored except for one person telling me she didn't know he would check.

llangennith · 19/01/2019 03:12

You've been ignored because you're clearly a GF and irrelevant.

GySgtHartman · 19/01/2019 03:13

I notice that all the smug GFs haven't been seen since OPs most recent post confused

Ironically a smug goady post 😆

marcopront · 19/01/2019 03:21

You've been ignored because you're clearly a GF and irrelevant.

Seriously asking why she didn't tell the driver when she got is irrelevant? If she had it would have saved the whole problem.

Petalflowers · 19/01/2019 04:41

Not quite sure what gf stands for, or who the smug gfs are?

Petalflowers · 19/01/2019 04:41

(Which I originally read as smurfs!)

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 04:44

So women are never to blame in the event of being attacked but the men around them are?

Confused Well yes. That is how it works. www.rainn.org/articles/your-role-preventing-sexual-assault

If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem, etc.

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 04:51

@user1471461798
I seriously advise you to contact a solicitor and get him or her to write to the college and the bus company asking that they get their act together, revamp their customer service attitude, and train the drivers properly. The drivers should be made aware that possession of a lanyard indicates that payment in advance for a month of travel has been made.

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 04:52

GFs are goady fuckers, Petalflowers.

GySgtHartman · 19/01/2019 05:00

mathanxiety

I am certain that the women is never to blame and whole heartedly agree that it's never a woman's fault. I don't see how it's the drivers fault either. Just in case I haven't been clear A WOMEN IS NEVER TO BLAME

The blame lies 100% with the rapist does it not?

Not 50:50 rapist:driver
Not the fault of a bouncer who removed a drunk woman from a nightclub or bar.

100% The man who commits the rape.