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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
RiverTam · 18/01/2019 08:51

a fifteen minute walk to where, Glitter?

GlitterStick · 18/01/2019 08:56

@Carrie80 Eh? Bus drivers have to let women in case they're attacked?
Link? Otherwise I'm calling baloney.

ClaraMatilda · 18/01/2019 08:58

All these people who can easily walk a mile in less than 15 minutes with one broken arm and heavy bags in the other are very impressive, I must say.

4mph is a very brisk walking pace.

GlitterStick · 18/01/2019 09:02

15 minute walk. As in a mile.
Back to her house presumably seeing as OP said they'd all left for work etc.
Was that supposed to be a gotcha that I hadn't read it properly?
Interesting that's the only bit you latch onto.
You don't just get on a bus without a pass, sit down without explaining and hope they won't come round asking for a pass.
She knew she didn't have one with her. Regardless of whether "it's at home" or not, you have to show it.
Might try that next time lol. "I forgot it" then complain about the driver if he won't let me on as I'm a woman by myself and he needs to look after me.
except I won't really, tempting though

RiverTam · 18/01/2019 09:09

you got me there, Glitter.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 18/01/2019 09:16

GlitterStick so in your mind there are no exceptions to a rule ever? Even in a situation where a 17-year-old with a broken arm is recognised by the driver as using the bus regularly and has never caused any problem before? He can't cut her some slack because the world has to be completely and utterly defined and ruled?

So, if on a normal bus, a pensioner forgot their pass and had heavy bags with them, you'd agree that the bus driver chucks them off? Or a mum with a pram full of shopping and 3 small kids, gets chucked off?

And where do you think such a heartless world will lead us all? I have seen loads of bus drivers turn a blind eye when they can see someone is struggling. It's not a sign of a downturn in the behaviour of society, it's just that some people recognise that people can make mistakes and don't want to spend their life being punishing.

Blueink · 18/01/2019 09:18

As the parent u ‘winged it’ & were passing on the lesson of winging it to ur daughter & want to hold a bus driver responsible for her duty of care, when it is yours. Winging it is risky. You got to work but she didn’t get to college and had to walk home. Hopefully she will not also take your lesson to justify herself and blame someone else when she is the one responsible. Parenting is an imperfect business & owning mistakes is okay. This was small stuff, don’t sweat it.

ChipmunksInAttic · 18/01/2019 10:02

yanbu i think. she’s a regular, so the driver knows her, there’s no other way to pay on the bus which means they are already paid for this service. So he kicked someone out even though he knows she has a pass normally. He should have taken the girl to the school of course. He didn’t do his duty even though he’s paid by the school.

riotlady · 18/01/2019 10:10

Yanbu, fine he may have technically had the right to kick her off but it was a mean thing to do, especially since it’s a college bus.

I presume everyone harping on about how it will teach her to take better care of her things have never lost anything ever Hmm

TheLittleDogLaughed · 18/01/2019 10:48

riotlady yes and presumably they have never relied on the kindness of someone when they have accidentally forgotten something. Because we all have to live in a punishing society where making a mistake is not allowed. Even when you're 17 with a broken arm.

GySgtHartman · 18/01/2019 10:52

I presume everyone harping on about how it will teach her to take better care of her things have never lost anything ever hmm

No I've lost things, I just didn't lie about it (by omission in this case), then blame other people for the consequences.

sleepylittlebunnies · 18/01/2019 10:56

As you and your DD are in the wrong there is no complaint to be made to anyone. It is a shame though that the driver wouldn’t take her to college seeing as he knows she has a pass as he takes her there and back daily with only 3 others. Maybe he would have if she had told him about the misplaced pass when she got on.

If I was the driver I would have let her on and made it clear that I didn’t have to and it is a one off, just to ensure that she takes better care of her pass. I do think he was quite mean even though he technically didn’t do anything wrong.

ChipmunksInAttic · 18/01/2019 10:57

It’s not lying or omitting, I would just assume that the driver knows me and understands when I tell him I forgot the pass at home. That is the only humane thing you would expect from someone you see eveyday.

Original poster
user1471461798 · 18/01/2019 11:00

I have had replies from both college and bus company, both blaming each other’s policies. Both say she would have been left on, if it was down to them, just the others policy is to not let her on. She never wears the lanyard round her neck, she is at agriculture college, so she’s not allowed it round her neck. Anyway, hopefully both college and coach company will have a solution, if it happens to others. Obviously not my daughter, she won’t dare forget it again!

OP posts:
MissingGeorgeMichael · 18/01/2019 11:02

I presume everyone harping on about how it will teach her to take better care of her things have never lost anything ever

That's how we are so good at not losing things now as we learnt the lesson Wink

In this case the daughter took the risk of not getting asked for her pass and it didn't work. If she's been honest with the driver when she got on he might have let her ride but she was deceitful and suffered the consequences.

marcopront · 18/01/2019 11:11

@mathanxiety
Your answer to

No one has yet justified why she didn't tell the driver when she got on the bus that she didn't have a pass. She assumed it would be OK. She has to take some responsibility for that.

Was

She assumed it would be ok because the driver only checked randomly for passes.

Does that mean you don't think it is important to pay for things unless you are asked to prove it?

I think she needed to tell him she didn't have a pass, not because he might check but because she was in the wrong by not having a pass. He could have then made a decision about whether or not to let her on.

GiantKitten · 18/01/2019 11:17

Good that both sides do admit that she should not have been refused travel, OP (any chance of them apologising to her?)

That’s one in the eye for all the smug Yorkshiremen on the thread! Grin

RiverTam · 18/01/2019 11:18

good response OP and hopefully they can get this sorted as whilst this one could have been avoided there will be instances of lost or stolen and the situation needs to be clarified.

bruffin · 18/01/2019 11:27

user147

Just get her to keep a photo of her pass on her phone.

YouDancin · 18/01/2019 11:31

FUCKSAKE @GySgtHartman

If someone is raped the blame IS 100% ALWAYS on the RAPIST. That is the fact. No-one is "accidentally" raped. What bloody cave do you live in?

And @mathanxiety - totally agree.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 18/01/2019 11:32

GiantKitten hell yes! Anyone with a heart can see it was totally unnecessary and actually pretty cruel.

GySgtHartman · 18/01/2019 12:10

@YouDancin. Where did I say she was accidentally raped? What have you read into my post there?

GySgtHartman · 18/01/2019 12:12

In gave my point wear that the rapist and ONLY the rapist is to blame.

There are people here who are saying that if she was to be attacked then the driver should bear some of the responsibility.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 18/01/2019 12:30

AIBU really can be poisonous, can’t it. I mean, really, a lot of the posts banging on about responsibilities and lessons learnt just come off as a bit smug, plus that’s just pointing out something pretty obvious, isn’t it?? She’s 17, so the driver doesn’t have a ‘duty of care’ what about just being reasonable and considerate?

GySgtHartman · 18/01/2019 12:39

both blaming each other’s policies

One or both is lying then.