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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
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9
Hanywany · 17/01/2019 18:33

Im sorry but has no one read this properly shes a young girl getting on a bus purely for the college so usually it is the same bus driver so they roughly no who gets on and off day to day, also its rural location so yes it is dangerous i.e cars on road in dark cant see pedestrians or weirdos lurking! She is young only 17 so still vulnerable, i have lived inplaces where its rural with colleges etc and its quite creepy and unsafe early in morning or late at night! Strange terrifying things happen in this country all the time so to be flippant about a young girl being forced of the college funded bus while going to college in the dark early hours!!! I would flip my lid if it was my daughter!!!!

Orchiddingme · 17/01/2019 18:40

I can't believe the replies here.

Luckily my dd's bus driver didn't take that attitude when she fell asleep on the bus and missed the last stop. He returned, drove for miles, called me on the phone and waited til she was picked up and safe. Totally amazing.

FrancisCrawford · 17/01/2019 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowergrrl77 · 17/01/2019 18:40

@marcopront as 17 is still a minor, AND it was dark and rural, driver would not be in trouble.

17 somewhere else more bright/other alternatives might have caused some issue for the driver so I get the grey area for some here.

The girl didn’t even have the option of cash on the day.... which kinda makes it not typical of a normal bus route anyways, which is the only reason I suggest that normal procedures might not count for the route, it sounds more like a private hire service for the college..

There are times that yes, a driver would be in Trouble, but say, they picked up a confused old lady in her pyjamas with no cash, they wouldn’t be in trouble there either. Even thought not a child. It’s not a clear cut black and white thing in all cases and in this case I’d have been an unhappy parent. Sure she was OK, but she missed college and had no other way to get there because some jobsworth decided a dark rural road was safe enough for a lone young woman.

Whyisareallthenamestaken · 17/01/2019 18:41

She's 17 not 7. Get over it. At that age my mum was married.YABVU

GiantKitten · 17/01/2019 18:41

Slowmovingtraffic
Ok is it just me or am I the only one that finds it strange that this teenager takes the bus instead of walking a couple miles everyday!? My college was over 5 miles away from my house when I was young I wouldn't have dreamed of taking a bus or asking my parents for a lift.
Misses point of thread completely grin

It's you not RTFT. Her college is a 90 minute bus ride away (on rural roads). She gets on the bus a mile from her house.

Honestly, it's not just you but this is exactly like the billions of people who comment on FB threads on the basis of a headline without reading the article. They almost always miss the point Hmm

flowergrrl77 · 17/01/2019 18:42

(But I will add that she should have told the driver on getting on the bus and that she’d be getting a temporary one once at college)

Janecon · 17/01/2019 18:42

I've just caught up with this thread after posting earlier. There are some seriously batshit comments on here. I can't believe people think like this in real life!

MuddlingMackem · 17/01/2019 18:46

For all those saying the driver was following the rules - today he was, he checked the passes. But obviously many days he doesn't, because he doesn't always check them.

Perhap,s @user1471461798, you should contact the bus company again to ensure that passes will be always checked at boarding in future, not just randomly. This could at least ensure that no other student further down the route is lulled into the same complacency that scuppered your daughter today.

ChocolateWombat · 17/01/2019 18:48

So to those who say it's wrong, what would be an acceptable reason to ask someone to get off the bus.....or would there never be one, because of this 'duty of care' thing being mentioned?

I can see that this might seem a little harsh and he might have turned a blind eye, but have you got the full story - ie has he turned a blind eye before and she has been warned and now he is acting on it? Ther might well be more to it than meets the eye or DD is reporting.

Even if it is a little harsh (assuming a first offence, which I do wonder about) then sometimes as parents we have to accept people might be a little harsh but that this is not the same as failing in a duty if care, nor warrants parents wading into the issues of an almost adult. Kids need to learn that everyone won't always be gentle, sympathetic and Gide them a zillion chances - it's a reality and kids need to learn that's the case and isn't a sign that the other person is in the wrong, and that you have to take responsibility for your actions and accept the consequences.

I don't think there is a duty of care issue here. It's a public bus which happens to pick up college students. Those who have the right pass can travel and those who don't can't. Simple.

And the idea of walking a mile in the morning as being a terrible thing which is hugely dangerous seems a lack of perspective to me. It's quite likely the DD puts herself in far more dangerous situations through choice.

I think OP is irritated by how bus driver responded. Fair enough. You can be irritated and also accept the action was perfectly within the terms and conditions of travel and also that DD is almost an adult and doesn't need a parent wading in about almost anything at this stage and certainly not something like this.

Surely th right response would be 'oh poor you, yes that seems a bit harsh if it's a first offence (followed by checking if it was or if there's a back strop to this) but it just shows you how vital it is to always have your pass with you doesn't it'

dorisdog · 17/01/2019 18:51

Oh great, it's one of those 'let's be horrible about teenagers' threads!

YANBU in my opinion OP. People can choose to be kind and sympathetic to others whether those people are 7, 17, or 71! People on here are acting like they never make a mistake. Teenagers, who are still learning to be adults, probably make a few more. So what? Cut them a bit of slack.

And, yeah, I moved out of home when I was 17, had to fend for myself etc etc, blah, blah. And it was difficult, actually.

Carrie80 · 17/01/2019 18:53

Bus drivers are supposed to let females alone on buses this was made a rule after an incident where the driver would not let woman on bus cause of 5p and she was attacked

BarbarianMum · 17/01/2019 18:55

Carrie would you like to back that up with a link?

ChocolateWombat · 17/01/2019 18:59

I agree the driver might have been able to choose to be flexible and sympathetic, but we do t know the full story. This girl might regularly arrive without her pass and he's been flexible and sympathetic before and now had enough. It might be that he's been told by his Boss that they expect enforcement of the rules about having the pass.

And yes, perhaps some people do have flexibility to choose to be forgiving and sympathetic, but those who don't choose to be like that aren't in the wrong in the sense the OP is asking about - in terms of not meeting a duty of care or not.

Some people are always kinder or more forgiving than others and kids have to learn that's a reality and being a bit of stickler for the rules doesn't make the adult wrong, but that people behave in different ways and you can't guarantee or rely on the fact that people will always cut you slack and more slack and more slack.

The question is how does OP and DD respond to this? Is it to seethe with anger and make complaints whilst learning nothing about the importance of having he pass and that you don't always get away with things? Or do they suck up what's happened and decide to be sure that DD always has her pass so it doesn't happen again? I think it's a key issue for children and parents in terms of dealing with when things go wrong and when DC are in trouble - does it become a blame game or something to learn from?

BarbarianMum · 17/01/2019 19:05

Kitten I'm familiar with the case but nothing in that article or any I've read sats anything about bus drivers now being "supposed to let women on buses" if they dont have the fare.

Aridane · 17/01/2019 19:10

*Oh great, it's one of those 'let's be horrible about teenagers' threads!•

Converse, it’s one of those let’s be horrible about bus driver threads

ChocolateWombat · 17/01/2019 19:12

The thing is, the bus driver is not responsible for the rape.

If a taxi driver refused to take a passenger who couldn't pay the fare, or a club refused to allow entrance to a customer who couldn't pay to entry fee, or a cinema ejected a person who didn't have a valid ticket......and then later something bad happened to that person, it would be awful that the bad thing happened, but not the fault of the cinema, club etc.

It's difficult isn't it. There are genuine cases where people lose their purse or ticket they've bought and there are piss takers who are trying to get away without paying full/any fare and it's hard to tell who is who and the bus companies are businesses aiming to make a profit and struggle to be flexible/have flexible policies because of the advantage some people take when there is flexibility.

purplebunny2012 · 17/01/2019 19:14

Sorry, YABU. She had no way of proving she had a pass so why should he let her ride "free"?
She's 17, definitely old enough to walk a mile, just unfortunate she has a broken arm.
I am Confused that you actually thought it was worth challenging and that you were in the right!

marcopront · 17/01/2019 19:19

Bus drivers are supposed to let females alone on buses this was made a rule after an incident where the driver would not let woman on bus cause of 5p and she was attacked

This sounds very bizarre.
So women should be allowed to travel by bus for free?

GiantKitten · 17/01/2019 19:24

purplebunny2012
Sorry, YABU. She had no way of proving she had a pass so why should he let her ride "free"?
She's 17, definitely old enough to walk a mile, just unfortunate she has a broken arm.
I am confused that you actually thought it was worth challenging and that you were in the right!

It's a small local college-only bus. The students pay £70 a month for passes. Only 3 other students get on with her. The driver knows them all, he knows they all have passes, he doesn't normally demand to see the passes.

And the mile walk was back home, not to college, which takes 90 minutes on the bus. OP didn't have time to turn round, collect her & take her to college before work. She missed the whole day of college.

OP still unreasonable?

Satsumaeater · 17/01/2019 19:26

I can't believe the replies here either. Do you really think it's ok for a male bus driver to throw a young female off the bus in the dark?

And the college's attitude is wrong as well.

The correct procedure would have been for the driver to note down her name and postcode and report it to the college and check she did indeed get her temp pass that day. This isn't a public bus, it's a college bus.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/01/2019 19:28

Orchiddingme

If we are going on;ly just related stories.

When I was at college a couple of friends were really friendly with the bus driver, so much so that she let them remain on the bus all day and skip college. (college didn't care) Unfortunately the bus driver was found out and fired from the job.

GiantKitten · 17/01/2019 19:28

The bus company of the driver who refused entry to the student who was 20p short said he hadn't followed their regulations.

Stagecoach & Arriva (I think) say if there isn't enough change for someone with a large denomination note (male or female) then the driver should take their details & they can pay later.

Leaving people in the street if they haven't the means to pay the correct fare on the spot is clearly not good practice.

Hanywany · 17/01/2019 19:31

whyisareallthenamestaken 17 not 7 wtaf i was married at 19 but that wouldnt have stopped me panicking being kicked of a bus in a rural area in the dark! Some people on this forum are utter morons!!! Do you have children!?

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