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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
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9
GiantKitten · 17/01/2019 12:42

tinytemper66
How has your daughter gone to college today?

If you RTFT you’d find out.

FrancisCrawford · 17/01/2019 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theimpossiblegirl · 17/01/2019 13:14

Child brings knife or gun into school one day.
School expelled child and removes pass.
Angry child gets on bus next day claiming she's lost her pass.
Bus driver let's her stay (even though it's his job to check for passes)
Angry girl kills all on bus.
Well that escalated quickly! Grin

Graphista · 17/01/2019 13:14

And we wonder why there's youngsters arriving at uni who can't cope!!

In 8/9 months she could be going away to uni herself.

Your job as a parent is to prepare her to be an ADULT.

That means looking after and not losing things, being prepared for each day (if it's raining she should be wearing suitable clothing even if getting the bus), being adaptable, being resilient.

A 20 minute walk in the rain early morning at age 17 REALLY shouldn't be a problem.

At her age I was going to college a 2 hour train ride away full journey involved a 30 min walk to the right train station, train to about 45 mins away then connection for rest of journey and 20 min walk at other end. In all weathers and if I had a 9am start that essentially meant leaving home at 6am. Did it for 2 years. Also worked part time Eve & weekends involving an 8am start on a sat morning in next town and due to the bus times meant a 6.45 wake up as there was a bus at 7 but not another one till 8.

My dds (also 17 18 soon) been working full time since she was 16, this has included shifts meaning leaving early to walk to work 2 miles away in all weathers - and she has a permanent disability that affects her mobility too.

I had a 3m walk to primary school which from age 8 I did with just my best friend from next street. Dd had a 2.5m walk to primary.

Frankly both you and your dd need to toughen up.

Did she not go to college at all? Was there no other way for her to get there? And if she did stay home did she call college to let them know & apologise? And look for the lanyard?

Also if she was capable of walking home from the bus stop why are you giving her a lift? Is it on your way?

"I am extremely sceptical that only 4 kids ride that bus with the same driver each day." Ditto - and a few other things!

"Teenage lasses in my city were always out in the snow and dark in tiny skirts and strappy sandles in the middle of winter" my dd seems to wear little more than a hanky & a belt for nights out! It's been -2/-3 a few weekend nights round here recently. Suggestions of even to wear a jacket get met with 🙄 "there's nowhere to put it, it'll just get nicked or lost or a drink spilt on it"

Where we live now is rural, lived rural almost all my life (dad was army most bases are arse end of nowhere!)

"She did miss a day of college as I couldn’t get her there" is there really no other way of getting there? Even if late?

"All these people who say I’m mollycoddling her, what would you have done."

Mild bollocking for not having her pass for starters!

At 17 shes plenty old enough to remember it every day "purse, phone, keys, pass" mantra - drum it into her (though seems bus drivers now done that to some degree).

Expected her to call college ASAP to explain absence/lateness & apologise WITHOUT prompting.

Organise alternative transport if at all possible.

In future make sure she has everything she needs ready to go night before!

"She doesn't sound like she's got much common sense!" Totally agree

GoGoGadgetGin · 17/01/2019 13:19

To whoever said the bus driver put her off because he 'failed at school'.. what the actual?? How did you get to that?

PattiStanger · 17/01/2019 13:29

A mile is about a 15 minute walk (max)

says someone who obviously doesn't live in the real world with the rest of us, a mile takes 15 minutes if you are able to walk at a steady 4mph, if you think that's the slowest speed that everyone can walk you must be walking so fast that you've lost touch with reality

BarbarianMum · 17/01/2019 13:43

Most 17 year olds could manage a brisk walking pace surely? One would certainly hope so.

PattiStanger · 17/01/2019 13:48

Most 17 year olds could manage a brisk walking pace surely? One would certainly hope so

Where I live there is a bus stop that's about a mile away along an unlit road with only a rutted grass verge to walk one, I'm a pretty fit person but there's no way I'd risk a broken ankle to trying to walk at a brisk pace in the dark, it's easy to stumble in broad daylight.

I know the OP hasn't said anything about pavements etc, I'm challenging the assumption by many posters that all walks are easy in the dark, it's just not the case

RiverTam · 17/01/2019 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 17/01/2019 13:55

She's 17. In less than a year she is an adult. She needs to start acting like one

BitOutOfPractice · 17/01/2019 13:57

Have I also missed the bit where the OP says it's unlit, rutted, no pavements, rutted verges?

Also, it's not pitch black at 6:50 (unless north of scotland I'd guess)

FrancisCrawford · 17/01/2019 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 17/01/2019 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiverTam · 17/01/2019 14:07

about 5 people have, actually. And of course a mile isn't a hardship, though down a country road with a broken arm at 6.50 (and it's certainly dark in London at that time, the streetlights are certainly still on until gone 7.30) it's not a walk in the park in the broad daylight either, is it? But it's not going to get her to college, is it?

BitOutOfPractice · 17/01/2019 14:10

FrancisCrawford I stand corrected. I did have a fascinating time looking at this site which looks up sunset / sunrise times

And I discovered that there is such a thing as nautical twilight and civil twilight (no uncivil twilight though!). It's fascinating!

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/01/2019 14:13

A mile is about a 15 minute walk (max)

Absolutely haven't lost touch with reality but a fit teenager should easily be able to walk at that if they need to get somewhere quickly (i.e. back home to find lost pass!)

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/01/2019 14:14

missing speed in that sentence...

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/01/2019 14:14

Clearly some people never walk anywhere Hmm if they think that speed is undoable.

Itsyersel · 17/01/2019 14:20

YABU Daughter is 17 not 7! She is basically an adult, a mile is nothing, this kind of bullshit is what is wrong with the world these days, if your daughter is too precious to walk a mile in the rain god help her in the real world! Get a grip FFS

Waspnest · 17/01/2019 14:25

RiverTam Honestly give up, it's not good for either of our blood pressures!

Getting home quickly in 15 mins to find lost bus pass is irrelevant because said bus isn't going to wait 30 mins for her to come back is it?

I had to really fight the urge to not bold/capitalise that which is probably a sign that I should hide this thread

RiverTam · 17/01/2019 14:28

oh, I'm quite enjoying this, it's a slow day at work and I'm wondering how many more people can come on, fail to read all the OP's posts, and tell us all again how walking a mile is no bother.

I'm London born-and-bred but even I know that school buses don't tend to do more than one round to school a morning.

Waspnest · 17/01/2019 14:30
Grin
dashitauntagatha · 17/01/2019 14:31

People are so ridiculous - of course he should have let her on just this once - especially if he knew her. He could have said that next time she'll be chucked off if she forgets it and that would have probably been enough to scare her into making sure she has it every day. He was unkind and possibly on a bit of a pathetic power trip.

Everyone is fixating on the walking a mile part (possibly because it gives them an opportunity to let us know how hard their own commutes/lives are but they don't make a fuss, or just to brag about being hard as nails) - the point is walking a mile in the dark and cold when you weren't expecting to and possibly not appropriately waterproofed is, AND you have broken arm, whilst not a major catastrophe, is not very pleasant and it just wasn't kind of him to put her in that position.

Yes of course he was well within his RIGHTS. And she SHOULD have remembered her card but honestly, where's the humanity?

And to the poster saying she could be a mass murderer - bahahahahaha!!! No honestly that actually made me belly laugh. Nice one. Really anyone you come across anywhere could be a mass murderer so maybe you just shouldn't go out?

Oh and still definitely pitch black in London at 6.50 so probably most of the country is too I would guess.

Letsmoveondude · 17/01/2019 14:33

Grin some of the replies on this post!!

A bit weird considering you said that the driver would know her, but she didn’t have the requirement to travel so she wasn’t allowed to. Nothing unreasonable about that, not even her having to walk a mile, can’t believe how babied some 17 year olds are.

Waspnest · 17/01/2019 14:42

Jeez MN why did you delete RiverTam's post, that's mild compared to most of AIBU and who thought it warranted being reported? Confused

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