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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:

Thread gallery

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/01/2019 08:36

A mile is about a 15 minute walk (max). Certainly not too far for a 17 year old to walk.

TinyTear · 17/01/2019 08:38

But she missed school because of it,
Are people reading the blooming thread!?

She walked a mile BACK HOME
The College is 1h30 ON THE BUS

pomobrokemypogo · 17/01/2019 08:39

He's a tosser. Sounds like he did it on purpose. He knows her, friends vouched for her. He lets her get on, then makes her get off after suddenly deciding to check lanyards but not doing it when she boarded? With a recently broken arm. Then saying it hopes it teaches them a lesson? That's not on at all. Dodgy.

I can't see how any right thinking company would have disciplined him in this situation had he given her the benefit of the doubt. Definitely complain.

thornyhousewife · 17/01/2019 08:42

This is an everyday, albeit annoying, occurancce. You're not doing her any favours by taking over and blaming other people when she was in the wrong.

I used to employ 17 year olds and my God the overbearing parents were a nightmare. Kids were generally great.

DixieFlatline · 17/01/2019 08:45

Are people reading the blooming thread!?

No. A lot of people want to give us the benefit of their wisdom without bothering to check whether anything of any relevance might have been mentioned since the OP (or even in the OP, sometimes).

VeganCow · 17/01/2019 08:45

Only on MN do you get the 'she's 17' 'its only a mile' 'teach her a lesson'.
I would also have been pissed off for my kid. I think I would have had a word with the driver myself and ran it by him as she got on the bus, but then I'm a bit interfering like that. Doubt he would have taken issue with a parent, these jobsworths can often be diverted and shown the light before their jobsworthness kicks in.

ginpink · 17/01/2019 08:56

I've read the full thread, the rules say she needed a pass. She didn't have a pass. She was in the wrong. The driver was only doing his job.

Aridane · 17/01/2019 08:56

Well done, have a bloody coconut

Not a snarky comment, honestly- but is this an expression?

diddl · 17/01/2019 08:58

So she tried to get a ride without a pass & didn't manage it?

Can't believe that neither of you thought to ask first or for you to wait & see Op.

It would have been nice if he'd let her travel & it's surely unusual that there's no chance to pay instead, but he wasn't wrong in what he did.

Also, re taking her to college & letting her get a temporary bus pass-that doesn't cover the jouney there does it?

Aridane · 17/01/2019 08:58

I hereby nominate the post below for the most OTT post on this thread

The driver is a miserable jobsworth cunt. I would complain about his behaviour: the OP has said that her DD gets this bus every day, with the same driver; he knows she is entitled to ride it, there are no cash fares, but he kicked her off the bus anyway. I wonder if it gave him a hardon to think of a young woman with a broken arm having to walk a mile or so in the pissing rain, just because he had the power to make her suffe

Janecon · 17/01/2019 09:02

I think the driver was pretty mean spirited and it was unnecessary to make her get off.

However I would accept it happened and move on. It's a good lesson to your daughter to make sure she has her lanyard - as an adult on public transport she will be expected to pay or get off.

EnglishPuffins · 17/01/2019 09:02

@TinyTear how is her missing college (not school, she's 17!) the bus driver's responsibility though. She should really be responsible enough herself to make sure she has pass she needs to travel. If she isn't then her parent should be making sure she has it... It's not the bus driver's problem!

EnglishPuffins · 17/01/2019 09:04

If bus drivers just let on people they know there'd be no need for the passes at all. It's kind entitled to think everyone else needs their pass but I don't because I'm me.

TinyTear · 17/01/2019 09:05

@EnglishPuffins I'm not saying that it is the driver's responsibility, i was just getting pissed off at people not reading the thread!

ciderhouserules · 17/01/2019 09:05

I think a lot of people are gleefully missing the point. Yes it was a mile to walk, yes rural roads/no pavements (although OP hasn't said that) yes it was dark (but would be light soon) and yes DD has a broken arm (which presumably doesn't stop her carrying said bag around all day) - she had no pass.

The bus driver, who sees her most days, is supposed to remember her and her pass (and there must be more than 4 people on the bus in total? Maybe only 4 get on at this stop! A whole bus for 1.5 hours for 4 people would not be economical)

She tells him - or doesn't - that she has forgotten her pass.

He doesn't know that she hasn't been expelled, or had her pass withdrawn; he only knows that if you have no pass, you cannot ride the bus.

It's a safeguarding issue - he can't let people without passes on the bus, no matter who it is or how well he knows this person.

He doesn't know that she has to walk 1 mile home.

He doesn't know that mum can't come and get her.

He doesn't know that dd has no money, even for food or drinks at college.
It wasn't late at night. It was early morning.

All he knows is that he may lose his job if he lets someone ride the bus without paying.

This is not the busdriver's fault.

Original poster

user1471461798 · 17/01/2019 09:08

All these people who say I’m mollycoddling her, what would you have done.
We didn’t realise she didn’t have her pass until literally walking out the door, no time to look. It was in her sweatshirt pocket, she wore Tuesday. The bus driver doesn’t check passes everyday, she got on, sat down, I then drove off thinking it was ok, I normally just drop her off, but I did wait that day. She has to go to College to get a temporary pass. I couldn’t take her as I work. She wouldn’t have cheeked him, as she knew she was wrong. All I’m saying is, he either should have checked before she boarded or let her on with a warning, it’s college not prison!

OP posts:

RiverTam · 17/01/2019 09:08

in this instance I think the driver was completely in the wrong - he sees this girl every day, knows she is a student at the college and there's only 4 of them on the bus. It sounds very rural with no other options.

But MN would have children walking to school for 3 hours there and back from the age of 5 and woe betide if you ever do something so human as mislay something.

pomobrokemypogo · 17/01/2019 09:09

I wonder if it gave him a hardon to think of a young woman with a broken arm having to walk a mile or so in the pissing rain, just because he had the power to make her suffer

You are lucky if you have never met a man who thought like that Aridane. There's plenty of people who get off or take pleasure in being cruel or having power over someone.

I would have thought that if anyone were to get in trouble for breaking procedure it would be him for letting her on without checking her lanyard first.

I don't think it is a good or justifiable policy to carry out random spot checks on school kids some time after but not at boarding, then if they fail to chuck them off somewhere between school and home.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/01/2019 09:13

Ok, the bus driver maybe wasn't technically wrong, but he was definitely being a jobsworth. I think the repercussions for bus drivers being generous spirited (and letting people on without their passes) can be harsh, so it's understandable why some of them are jobsworths.

Hadn't read that it's a 1 1/2 hour trip to college - that wouldn't be walkable. However, a 17 year old should be capable of looking after her possessions

Waspnest · 17/01/2019 09:19

God AIBU really is a GF magnet isn't it? I think the driver was a mean arse (but I haven't got a clue whether the bus company has a duty of care). DD catches a school bus and the rule is that if you lose your pass you get a temporary pass from the school office so presumably would be given the benefit of the doubt for the journey there.

We live in a rural area and DD catches the bus at 7.45 - it is still dark when I walk her to her stop (she's Y7 before anyone accuses me of 'babying' her and is paranoid about missing her bus - walks home from the stop fine on her own). We regularly walk 5 miles+ at the weekend BUT whilst we live in a small village in a 30mph zone we are a busy cut through for a lot of people who ignore the speed limit and regularly do 50-60mph on the lanes round here. So yes I would have a problem with my DD walking a mile in the dark on roads with no pavements or streetlights (and she wouldn't be wearing reflective clothing because she assumed she'd be on a bus).

And my DD takes no money to school because a) she has a bus pass b) all food at school is paid for biometrically c) students are not allowed to leave school premises during the day d) she comes home straight from school (

Petalflowers · 17/01/2019 09:20

She could have rang you and you could have turned around and given her a lift. You can’t have been too far away.

diddl · 17/01/2019 09:32

"We didn’t realise she didn’t have her pass until literally walking out the door, no time to look."

Which of course absolutely isn't the driver's fault/problem.

So, she missed a day of college, now has her pass & hopefully will be more careful in future.

"She has to go to College to get a temporary pass."

But obviously not by this bus!!

sashh · 17/01/2019 09:35

They have a duty of care to all the students.

How does the bus driver know that she hasn't been expelled, her pass taken off her and she is going back to college with stink bombs or worse?

She should have explained to the driver before she sat down and you should have waited until she had done so.

CallMeRachel · 17/01/2019 09:38

Yanbu

The bus wanker is a power tripping, failed at school, bully.

I'm sorry you've had such high and mighty replies from rule sticklers who probably haven't read or failed to comprehend the situation.

•Bus was a private college bus - paying is not an option
•Dd travels on it daily and is known to the driver - he knows she has a valid pass
•The bus stop/pick up point is a mile from home
•The bus journey takes 1.5 hours from the pick up point
•Your Dd had a broken arm in a sling and also was carrying bags

In life things happen, people forget or lose things however when things go wrong we rely on help and compassion from others.

This situation was a prime example of a very narrow minded person in a position of power being able to have control over a young persons day.

I think you would be perfectly justified in contacting the college and bus company to ask why the driver took the action he did.

I think there's got to be something very off about a persons character who'd take that course of action after a one off time forgetting a bus pass that he knew she holds.

He'd probably do better in a job as a parking attendant or traffic warden with his black and white rule book thinking.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 17/01/2019 09:44

My 13 yo DS walked home 2.5 miles from school in the snow when the buses stopped running. He was fine, a mile isn't a long way.

However, if it is a special college bus, the bus driver knows her, drives her every day and has seen her pass previously then I think he was being a bit of an arse quite frankly. It wouldn't have killed him to give her a warning on this occasion.

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