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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:

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ivykaty44 · 17/01/2019 07:20

I just love all the anecdotal walking 5 miles to school at an absurdly early hour stories

Really this is about a parent knowingly putting her teen daughter on a bus without her pass, then not being able to accept it was her own fault her daughter got kicked off the bus. Try’s to blame everyone but herself and her own daughter for fecking up and being forgetful and trying it on.

People in general need to actually take some responsibility for their own actions

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2019 07:24

No wonder children grow up unable to meet the demands of everyday life. This is parenting against your children’s best interests.
A safeguarding issue? That notion undermines the very serious issue that safeguarding should be. We need our young people to learn to manage adversity without being enraged when the world doesn’t rewrap the cotton wool we’ve rather unwisely placed them in.
The person doing the most harm is the parent not the driver.

At seventeen most youngsters (including those who live rurally) walk more than a mile, go out alone after dark, are planning to travel around the world or go off to university. You aren’t particularly likely to be attacked in the morning in a rural area - far more likely in an inner city at night. You should be able to manage rural traffic well enough at seventeen. If the rain is a problem for a seventeen year old then there is more to the story or she needs to buy a coat. Most have been lying around at muddy festivals in downpours by that age.

The issue is about being cross at being caught. That could have been avoided and wasn’t the drivers fault.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 17/01/2019 07:28

A solicitor's letter? Are you for real mathanxiety?

halpert · 17/01/2019 07:32

A lot of posters are missing the point.
It doesn't matter if it was 1 mile or 10 miles. OP dropped her daughter and waited for her to board the bus - that's an indicator she isn't comfortable leaving her daughter by the side of the road - so why the hell would she be comfortable with her daughter walking home when it's dark and in a rural area.

It doesn't matter how you were brought up or if your kids would walk it. You aren't the OP. It's a big deal to her.

Gosh, people's mentality baffles me

redyawn · 17/01/2019 07:47

I think the bus driver was being very unkind, especially as your DD has a broken arm. Although I'm sure he was following the rules. What a horrible start to the day for your DD.

SillySallySingsSongs · 17/01/2019 07:50

The OP needs to get a solicitor to write a stiff letter to the coach company pointing out the reckless disregard for the safety of a paying customer. This approach usually elicits a response.

Yeah the response that they were correct. You want to travel have your pass.

BarbarianMum · 17/01/2019 07:52

Just because the OP thinks its a big deal, doesn't actually make it a big deal though halpert. My neighbour thinks its a big deal when the bin men are late - doesmt mean it's true.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 17/01/2019 07:56

So that’s an issue the OP has to address, and not transfer her own worries to that of a driver who could be heavily sanctioned by not following his companies policies and the company’s agreement with the school.

xJessica · 17/01/2019 07:56

There are some rather harsh replies on here! While a mile isn't that far, I speak from experience when I say walking a mile on country roads in the dark is not a pleasant experience. I had to do it once and it was actually pretty scary. There was no pavement, there were no streetlights, and what seemed like a shortish walk during the day was a completely different matter in the pitch black. I think the driver was unreasonable to throw her off the bus, not knowing how far she had to go to get home etc.

Hermano · 17/01/2019 08:00

Totally missing the point but if it's a mile walk home or 1 1/2 hours on the bus because it stops at lots of places, why on earth do you spend all that money for the bus? A mile is a 15-18 minute walk. Huge waste of time sitting on a bus while it loops all over the place. Plus walking the mile and back each day is good exercise, as well as saving a huge amount of time. Obesity epidemic etc... Not for one second saying your daughter is obese, I'm sure she's sporty and thin as a whippet, but if this is typical of decisions made by people in general, to sit on their bums for 90 mins rather than walk for 15 mins, that explains a lot

Sorry for sounding so snarky, this isn't really pointed at you, I'm just baffled.

Apologies in advance if I've misunderstood something

chocolatemademefat · 17/01/2019 08:00

I feel sorry for your daughter. If something had happened to her I’m sure people would be ranting about the policies of the bus company. And seventeen isn’t very old - okay she should be able to sort this out herself but my instincts as a parent would be to question what happened. I live in a university town and after the tragic and needless death of a student the rules were changed with taxis - allowing them to take students in an emergency and bill the university.

Seven am is early and sometimes there aren’t many people around. I’d want my DC’s to feel safe.

Hermano · 17/01/2019 08:03

Although I wrote the above, I do agree with you that the driver is being U in this case OP.

Forcing any woman to walk that distance in the dark needlessly feels cruel and like he was keen to exert his power. This leads me to conclude either your daughter gave him some back chat or he is not a nice man / was in a bad mood and took it out on your daughter. I find it hard to believe he'd do this otherwise.

Inliverpool1 · 17/01/2019 08:04

You’re all actually mental ! Half the time a 17 year old is a grown woman who should be digging ditches with their bare hands and sleeping in a hole in the ground before waking up before they went to bed to walk to school .... and then I see the same posters a week later lambasting someone for taking rent from a 17 year old earning more than some families ... mad as a box of frogs !

BarbarianMum · 17/01/2019 08:04

chocolate pretty ironic example as I'm pretty sure that system only works if the students have their student ID with them. Or can anyone in your city just jump into a taxi and bill it to the uni?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/01/2019 08:08

It doesn't matter how you were brought up or if your kids would walk it. You aren't the OP. It's a big deal to her

If it was the daughter of most posters on here I think it would suddenly become a big deal.

Of course it was wrong to put her off the bus. That's a stupid and dangerous policy. Remind the bus company exactly how the DM would craft that headline if anything happened to a young person as a result. A better policy would be either a fine (if they really wanted to be nasty) or a letter threatening a fine unless the pass or a temporary pass was presented within 7 days.

potatoscone · 17/01/2019 08:09

Presumably the bus stop is a mile walk from HOME. The college is 1.5 hours journey from the BUS STOP.

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2019 08:12

xJessica You has to do it once? Might feel different to someone who lives in an urban setting. This girls does the journey daily.
I live with no streetlights - we have protected sky’s here. We have no pavements either. We regularly walk in the dark quite safely. Our children and our neighbours children grew up walking in the dark along country roads quite safely. My eldest used to walk my youngest home from cubs at 14 - about a mile and a half.
They all walked to or from the youth club bus when it visited each month or so. They would have been between 13 and 16 but had been taught road safety from a young age.

The country really isn’t that dangerous.

IceBearRocks · 17/01/2019 08:18

My 11DS and his friends walk home a mile in the dark from the bus stop because that is a mile away from home!!! Yep on country roads!
YABU

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/01/2019 08:21

I live with no streetlights - we have protected sky’s here. We have no pavements either. We regularly walk in the dark quite safely

Many women on the other hand would choose not to live there (although I'd LOVE to live in a dark skies area) because of the fear of assault and rape - and murder. I always choose places on well lit streets and within a 10 minute radius from public transport. I live rurally now and have still chosen this. I'm not paranoid - I've been chased before and had cars follow me.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/01/2019 08:23

She is 17, not 7 - you don't have your pass you don't travel. Its not bloody rocket science!

Karwomannghia · 17/01/2019 08:23

Hilarious how people are saying it’s a life lesson and she’s nearly an adult as if adults never forget anything. If I didn’t remind some parents about trips etc or be flexible with response times and support them in getting their replies or payment in their kids would be missing out on so much. Doesn’t hurt to be kind.
The driver didn’t check the passes everyday anyway so it wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference to the ‘bosses’. I’m in contact with transport managers, they’re not ogres theyre normal people who understand circumstances who need drivers.

worridmum · 17/01/2019 08:26

Are people this stupid in real life calling him a jobsworth it could very well risk HIS job by letting her on without a pass. When does it become acceptable to not allow someone on the bus without a pass 2 days in a row? 2 weeks in a row ? Why even bother having and paying for a pass if you can get on board for free aka no pass anyway?

Karwomannghia · 17/01/2019 08:26

And it’s 1 mile to the busy stop from home. Then it’s 1.5 hours on the bus to college. So the girl got left at the bus stop and walked home rather than to college which is probably about 10-20 miles I’d guess.

ginpink · 17/01/2019 08:28

You have a duty of care as her mother. You let her take the bus knowing she didn't take her pass which she needed. You didn't drive or escort her to college. Though in reality She's old enough to walk that far herself.

It's not the drivers responsibility and you are the ones who fucked up.

I hate how parents these days blame everyone but themselves for being crap 😡

YABU for loosing the pass and blaming the world for your lack of care and organisation!

Karwomannghia · 17/01/2019 08:29

Worridmum but it’s the same driver who knows she has a paid for pass on a private bus!

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