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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
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9
ReanimatedSGB · 16/01/2019 23:59

OK, so this bus pass is one that is paid for in advance (a term at a time or a month at a time or whatever.) The bus company are not losing any money if the driver lets someone who he sees every day and knows attends that college ride on the bus when she hasn't got her pass. So they're not going to dock his wages. (IF they did, then he should sue them.)

He's either a craven jobsworth chickenshit, or someone who actively enjoys exercising power over other people. End of.

AgentJohnson · 17/01/2019 00:01

Your daughter should have told the driver she didn’t have her pass instead of trying to wing it. The fact that she knows that there are regular checks, suggests that she knows that having a pass is a prerequisite to travel.

The driver could have handled it differently and so could have your daughter. If you’re going to complain about duty of care then I’d have to ask, why didn’t you ensure that the driver knew that she was travelling without a pass. Being in possession of a pass entitles her to travel on the bus and not just being enrolled at the college.

This should be a personal responsibility teaching moment, instead of a finger pointing ‘it’s somebody else’s fault’ moment.

DishingOutDone · 17/01/2019 00:03

OP, what a hiding to nothing. This is AIBU. Sadly, I believe it is a mirror to the world we live in. First of all, on here, if ANYONE providing a service, particularly a public service, behaves like an arse, they are entirely 100% in the right. The person having a really bad time must ALWAYS be blamed. No one has ever heard of anyone being kind and sensible. No one performing a job should ever take any care or responsibility. All living beings of any age should know, they should learn, its their own fault, more fool them and so on. That Monty Python sketch about having a cup of cold gravel and paying the mine owner to work there etc was rooted in observance of human behaviour (which doesn't seem to have changed since it was written!) On AIBU no one can hear you scream, in case it inconveniences anyone.

Even if your daughter was 45, this was a crap way for that driver to behave.

DishingOutDone · 17/01/2019 00:06

This should be a personal responsibility teaching moment, instead of a finger pointing ‘it’s somebody else’s fault’ moment. - you've put it much better than me Agent - the bus driver SHOULD learn personal responsibility rather than pointing the finger at passengers (especially ones less likely to make a fuss) and saying its their fault.

MartaHallard · 17/01/2019 00:09

All of you calling the bus driver names, are you this abusive to people in customer facing roles in real life? Do you call bus drivers, receptionists, shop assistants etc. jobsworths, gits, twats, arses, dicks, cunts to their faces?

DishingOutDone · 17/01/2019 00:16

If they do something as spiteful as what that driver did then I think I'd call them an arse, yes. But not before explaining that it was obvious they enjoyed being powerful over a young girl, that others could see what they were about. If it had been a 6 foot 18 year old young man, he'd be nice and cosy on that bus all the way to the college.

The driver did it because he could, because he knew he'd get away with it.

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 17/01/2019 00:20

Very harsh responses. I would be livid if that happened. The driver knows her from being on this bus but because she couldn’t find a small piece of plastic on one occasion he decides he’s going to act the knob?

Everybody makes mistakes, forget where they put stuff etc. We don’t need to be punished for it. She wasn’t wilfully trying it on for a free ride.

potatoscone · 17/01/2019 00:20

She had to walk for over a mile in the dark

Does she have problems with her vision? I can't understand what's wrong with walking in the dark. Millions of people do it every day.

Original poster
user1471461798 · 17/01/2019 00:21

I think somewhere in the muddle of all this, everyone thinks I’m moaning about walking a mile home, normally that wouldn’t bother her, but with a broken arm it was difficult, she had friends on the bus who would have carried her bags for her all day. He definitely knew her as yesterday he mentioned her broken arm( only did it Sunday). Why let her on the bus, he should have checked as she got on, then I would have known, I assumed as she had sat down that it was ok. The bus takes 1 1/2 hrs as it picks up other stops

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 17/01/2019 00:26

everyone thinks I’m moaning about walking a mile home - everyone knows that you are not moaning about that, but rather the driver's attitude and actions which were entirely unnecessary. But if they were all to admit they know what you actually are complaining about, then they cant enjoy a dig at you, like potatoescone (just mentioning that poster as they are immediately above but there's a long list here!)

whatsthepointthen · 17/01/2019 00:26

She had a broken arm not a broken leg, shouldnt be that difficult, 15 minutes max.

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 17/01/2019 00:28

@MartaHallard nobody’s calling anybody names their face - they’re just venting here on this forum. BUT if any customer facing service provider treated me to a power trip, I would advise them of the error of their ways.

whatsthepointthen · 17/01/2019 00:30

I still dont think the drivers attitude was wrong so I disagree DishingOutDone I lost my bank card and had to walk over two miles (!) home whilst heavily pregnant and with a toddler in the dark and cold. I didnt think I should be let on a bus for free because I lost my card. No card No ride.

YamYamUK · 17/01/2019 00:32

I do agree that he should have checked before she got on and she should have been honest before she got on. If she was honest in the first place the driver could have wrote her a “ticket” that would let her get on and both of them would have been covered. They literally can get the sack for her not having her pass

My Dad was a bus driver for over 30 years. If the girl had told him before she got on that she didn’t have her pass as she’s lost it he would have let her on but the fact she hid it he would have got into a lot of trouble.

All drivers are subjected to checks (to make sure that they don’t steal) if an inspector had checked passengers they could have been fired for her not having the pass.
Managements check cctv then tickets to make sure that nothing dodgy is going on.
You wouldn’t believe half of the rules they are bound by, which might sound stupid but it’s their jobs.
.

I know people call bus drivers jobsworths ect but my Dad was literally spat at, thrown bricks ect and that was by kids. He had a high tech laser directed right into his eyes and nearly blinded. All for doing his job.

Original poster
user1471461798 · 17/01/2019 00:33

Oh and I do pay 70.00 a month for her pass. You can only pay by direct debit or all in one go. She did miss a day of college as I couldn’t get her there, working. Pass found now so thanks everyone for their comments, just a little drip feed, apparently after he kicked her off, he said”just a lesson to you all, not to forget your lanyards” so hopefully no one else will.

OP posts:
potatoscone · 17/01/2019 00:36

dishing

Thanks. Don't just say 'all the posters above' pick me and bold my name right in your post Hmm

It's not a dig btw, it's truly ridiculous to take issue with a 17yo walking in the dark. If that wasn't part of the issue, it would not have been mentioned in the post.

M

partinor · 17/01/2019 00:46

Also heard a horrible case a few years back where a bus driver kicked a girl off for being short of the fare and she was raped walking home.

I know the case you are talking about. It was very late at night, nearly midnight, and in a very dodgy area. The kind of area drug dealers hang about. I know adult men who live there who would not be there by themselves at that time of night.
Context matters. I would walk in the dark plenty of places, but there are places where this would be foolish.

We don't know in this situation, but I do get frustrated at middle class people who often complain about those on low wages being jobsworthy. They seem to have no understanding that in many low wage jobs, you have no discretion at all. If you break the rules and get caught, you risk losing your job.

partinor · 17/01/2019 00:48

I also do worry about how babied so many teenagers are these days. I do think it is contributing to the poor mental health epidemic.

potatoscone · 17/01/2019 00:59

He's either a craven jobsworth chickenshit, or someone who actively enjoys exercising power over other people. End of.

Are you always so shortsighted?

No chance of maybe more than those 2 options Hmm

partinor · 17/01/2019 01:06

There are so many threads on MN abusing people in low wage jobs for following the rules. So many people never seem to consider that those people usually just don't want to be sacked.

MarcieBluebell · 17/01/2019 01:12

There are so many threads on MN abusing people in low wage jobs for following the rules. So many people never seem to consider that those people usually just don't want to be sacked.

It's not about abusing low wage jobs at all. Bit sanctimonious.

partinor · 17/01/2019 01:16

But it is these jobs where staff often have little or no ability to step outside the rules. It is very different in professional jobs where you often have greater flexibility.

Rockbird · 17/01/2019 01:46

There were better ways he could have handled this, as there were better ways she could have too, like asking him when she boarded the bus.

I also think there's a difference between setting out to walk and unexpectedly having to walk, especially if you're incapacitated in any way. If I know I'm walking in this weather I'll take a rucksack and an umbrella for example. Wouldn't bother if I think I'm driving and have bags just over my arm. Makes it that bit more of a pain.

FlyMayBe · 17/01/2019 02:03

Blimey, some harsh responses on this thread. Plenty of misunderstanding regarding rural living too. Pitch black, no street lights, usually no pavements and traffic driving at 60mph....

To all those claiming (I paraphrase, obvs) I crawled 15 miles over broken glass every day in the snow and rain for 8 years when I was a kid - well whoop-de-do, give yourselves a medal.

YANBU, OP. A bit of kindness costs nothing. Give your DD a hug from me.

PawPawNoodle · 17/01/2019 02:15

YABU - he may 'know' your daughter but without the lanyard, he doesn't know whether you've paid your £70 direct debit or all in one go payment for it, nor does he know whether she even goes to college any more (before you say 'well he saw her yesterday!', what if she's been expelled for punching a tutor yesterday and had to return her lanyard? How is he meant to know?)

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