To be shocked that people still think it’s ok to hit their kids?

[MrsMuffins]

Coming out of the supermarket this afternoon, a man was walking towards me with two kids, probably aged 8-10. As I passed him (quite a way away as I was heading towards my car) he said something to the boy along the lines of ‘I’ve f**king told you not to do that’ and sort of lunged at him. The boy literally cowered back, obviously expecting a whack. It really upset me - part of me thinking I wish I’d said something, and the other part shocked that people really think it’s ok to physically intimidate and hit their kids. Is it just me thinking that this kind of thing isn’t acceptable any more?!

I witnessed verbal abuse towards a child not so long ago. Was on a day out with my kids and we were heading back to the car when I overheard a woman out with her adult daughter and her grandaughter. The language she was using towards the child was appalling, all because the little girl had got wet at at the beach. The little girl was around 3. She was shouting at her to get out the fucking boot of her car, ( where her mother had put her to change her), calling her a brain dead fucking bitch, a retarded little shit, an absolute fucking idiot and how could she expect anything more from a fucking moron like her. This went on the whole time the mother was getting the little girl changed and she did absolutely nothing, just actedike it wasn't happening. When the little girl was eventually stripped to her underwear and put in the back of the car the grand mother proceeded to lift her massive, soaking old English sheep dog, covered in sand into the boot, calling it her beautiful baby while shouting at her daughter that that was the last time that little retard went anywhere with her! The verbal abuse went on for around 4 solid minutes, I watched the whole time because I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. Took her registration in that time. Then I couldn't help myself I went over and gave her a mouthful and told her she was an absolute disgrace. All she said was "good for you" , not sure what that ment. I asked the daughter why she was allowing her mother to speak to her daughter in that way, all she said was "please just leave it". And they got in the car and drove away.
I have never heard someone speak to a child like that and I know of some pretty bad parents, but she didn't give a shit who heard her. Passed her registration on to the police but have no idea if anything happened.

Yanbu, but people today still think it’s ok to hate someone based on the colour of their skin or the gender they chose to love. The world will never be perfect sadly. All you can do is raise your children to be better adults and hope that your children pass on your beliefs.

I saw something very similar a few years back. The man lunged at a boy of about 8 who cringed back, while mum was cuddling an elaborately pink dressed baby girl who looked at though every effort went to her and this poor boy was very out in the cold.

It seems to be fathers dishing out this treatment to their sons.

Still upsets me so you’re not alone

@Postino totally agree, you’re not being dramatic at all. It’s basically telling a child that they should accept physical violence from someone who professes to love them, if their behaviour crosses some arbitrary line.

@Greensleeves. Totally agree

Some of the posts on this thread are horrible. Utterly depressing. So sad to see especially from one or two who havent even got kids yet but are planning on using physical violence to keep them in line. Just awful. I'm off

staydazzling

Ah I see, next time I'm at the end of my tether with my dp, or have had a tiff with my mum, I'll remember it's ok to give them a slap, after all they have pushed me to my limit!

Onecabbage it's not all we can do though, we could make it illegal. I really hope that happens.

I also don't understand how smacking is supposed to work. I mean, nobody on these smacking threads ever admits to causing their kids real pain or leaving a mark - it's always a "loving but firm tap" or a cutesy "little pop on the hand" . Yet advocates of smacking will also insist that this is the ultimate sanction and their kids fear a smack so much that the mere mention of it will cause them to fall into line, unlike those feral little monsters who aren't smacked. I don't buy it. My DD is a well-behaved, eager-to-please little thing for a not-quite three-year-old, but I would have to smack her pretty hard for her to realise that I wasn't just fooling around/ playing a game.

People will still do it behind closed doors even if it wad illegal.

I’d love to see smacking made illegal.

The only people I know who hit their children have two very loud and disobedient children. The whole house and parenting is chaotic, loud and is based on threats and hitting.

I was smacked and spanked and I really don't forgive my parents. It is a really uncomfortable feeling in the centre of my love for them.

From my perspective as a parent I can now see they did it when they were angry/exhausted and stressed. But they inflicted fear and total humiliation on me. I still just don't get.

I have never hit my children, I would consider myself an absolute failure, if the only way I could control tiny people I love, was to hurt them.

He didn’t actually hit him though? I lunge at my dog if she’s being a little shit or give her a tug on the lead etc, but I’ve never hit her. I don’t automatically think you can assume he’s hitting his child because he lunged towards it.

People who hit children are scum and so are people who excuse it.

I would have taken enjoyment in shaking my head in disgust at this man.

@Midnightspecial the child’s reaction said it all - he cowered away, and the look on his face was awful. Also, I’m not sure lunging at a child, with the implied threat of physical violence, is really that much better than hitting them?!

I find it worrying that many posters are defending their right to smack their children as if it's a logical, rational and reasoned form of discipline. I was often smacked as a child and in my experience it's generally when a parent loses their temper and lashes out with impatience that they smack. I find it hard to believe that in most cases parents who smack are making a rational and calm decision about how best to teach their children in the heat of the moment. From my experience all in teaches is to act out in anger and aggression when your buttons are being pushed. If it was a calm and rational "my child did X just now and I need to punish them for it so I'm going to calmly smack them" then that would be one thing (still wrong imo and slightly odd/creepy!) but different to getting angry and hitting out at your child in frustration, which I believe is actually the context for most smacks. So, what posters are saying is actually, it's ok to hit out in anger when frustrated with your child

I think being smacked did have a detrimental effect on me and I have lashed out in anger at partners in the past. I think this is definitely a learned behaviour from my parents. That said, I have never ever been even close to hitting my own children and can never imagine doing that either as a calm reasoned decision nor in anger. It just wouldn't come naturally to me to want to harm my own child

The fact is that it's not illegal. So people are allowed to smack their children in private and public.

Nothing to do with whether or not you and I think it's ok.

The fact is, it's NOT illegal.

Some people hit their children out of anger. They are scum.

Some people hit their kids and claim they do it out of “love”. Scum.

Some people defend the hitting of children and believe the law should allow for it. Scum.

@StreetwiseHercules 'believe the law should allow it'... erm the law DOES allow it :-)

It's not smacking, it's hitting and it's abuse.

Makes me confused when parents say they smack their kids for being violent - how fucking ironic???

I've known kids who were regularly hit and grew up to think it's normal and become abusive themselves.

It's a lazy and shit way of parenting, and shows a complete loss of control.

It should be illegal. It is to hit another adult but not a defenceless child?? Ridiculous.

With you all the way op.

Oh and I was never hit as a child, I was brilliantly behaved, and haven't grown up to be a tear away

Opal - I didn't realise how ridiculous the whole "parenting through threats" thing is until I saw my father and (to a lesser extent) my mother interact with my toddler DD. It's constant with my father ("if you make that noise, I won't come again"; "if you don't eat your biscuit, Father Christmas won't come" ). He invariably escalates straight to threats and never sees them through. He doesn't threaten smacks because he knows I'd be cross, but he used to threaten smacking all the time when I was a child and never did it once (my mother did a few times). My mother is a bit better but still threatens consequences that she doesn't intend to carry out. One time on a day out, she told my DD (aged 2) that we'd take her straight home if she didn't stop fussing. I asked if she was going to follow through on that and she said obviously not, we were meeting DSIL who would be pissed off if we didn't turn up.

“The fact is, it's NOT illegal.”

It will become illegal in Scotland. Middle England Daily Mail ready Tory voter (of which there are many millions) will never tolerate such a change in the law in England.

“@StreetwiseHercules 'believe the law should allow it'... erm the law DOES allow it :-)”

That’s right, and anyone who defend the law in regard to that is scum of the earth.

In your delluded opinion @StreetwiseHercules

Cannot believe people are defending smacking...what behaviour from a child would deserve them to be hit? Is it only okay to hit them if they have been really naughty or fine in any circumstance?

Something wrong with people who think it's okay.

@PinkGin24 pretty sure you’re the one who’s deluded, given the weight of opinion on this thread