To be shocked that people still think it’s ok to hit their kids?

[MrsMuffins]

Coming out of the supermarket this afternoon, a man was walking towards me with two kids, probably aged 8-10. As I passed him (quite a way away as I was heading towards my car) he said something to the boy along the lines of ‘I’ve f**king told you not to do that’ and sort of lunged at him. The boy literally cowered back, obviously expecting a whack. It really upset me - part of me thinking I wish I’d said something, and the other part shocked that people really think it’s ok to physically intimidate and hit their kids. Is it just me thinking that this kind of thing isn’t acceptable any more?!

Weirdly smackers aways seem to have these lemming children who are constantly diving headlong into oncoming traffic and stuffing their fingers into electrical sockets at every opportunity. I've managed to get two children, one of them autistic and very wilful, to teenagehood without either of them meeting their end in traffic and without the need to inflict pain.

@PinkGin24 nope - I have never and will never hit my child, and he is beautifully behaved. He has never ‘needed’ to be hit, and when he’s been misbehaving we deal with his behaviour in ways that don’t involve physical violence. Honestly, you don’t deserve children if that’s your opinion.

@PinkGin I really pity the kids you have with that attitude. It isnt illegal to give a 5 year old alcohol in their own home. Will you also do that?

I grew up in the 90's. Kids got a smack when they were naughty. I am not emotionally scarred, I have a fantastic relationship with my parents, and I have never hit a child or a Partner.

ding ding ding! Full house ladies and gents!!

Fyi @pinkgin I also grew up in the 90's. No one wants to hear they're parents got it wrong but.....your parents got it wrong.

@staydazzling
What do you mean then?

The vast majority of when parents use PD is when theyve been pushed to the limit and almost like reflex, or are in an extreme situation and feel like everything else has failed. Very few people do it as a first resort, crucifying parents for being human helps no one, Thats very different to.what the OP described , conflating the 2 helps noone.

@BasilFaulty, no they got it perfectly right haha. Well rounded, high achieving, homeowner ina loving relationship with loving family. But that wouldn't suit your 'no smacking' agenda would it ;-)

@PinkGin24 you forgot to add ‘who thinks it’s ok to hit children’

It's not right.
I was hit as a child and it made me feel cowed.
I do not hit my child......although I have to walk away with deep breaths a few times!

I actually agree with PinkGin24 tbh, So many parents scared to discipline their kids these days, I read someone saying “You cant tell kids to be quiet” 🙄 no the wonder there are so many out of control children these days. I cant get worked up about a smack.

No wonder most nowadays are brats running wild or dictating what happens

You know people have being saying this for centuries don’t you? “Kids today” It’s utter rubbish.

I have been a teacher for 10 years in a large school so each year have regular contact with roughly 60 kids. So 600 at least over my career. I can promise you the vast majority of “kids today” are perfectly normal human beings with age appropriate behaviour, just like they have always been.

Plus, even if children who are smacked are better behaved (they aren’t), it would be because they are frightened. I don’t want that for my kids and if I used fear for discipline as a teacher I’d be blasted on mn.

@whatsthepointthen I would bet money that the badly behaved kids are the ones who are badly parented, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that involved being hit.

It makes me laugh when I see posts about all these out of control children of today.

Like the school run is full of kids jumping on car bonnets, throwing shit at people. All the children I know are normal, lovely and polite kids. They have their moments as all adults do but where the hell are all these crazy undisciplined wild children? 😂

The vast majority of when parents use PD is when theyve been pushed to the limit and almost like reflex, or are in an extreme situation and feel like everything else has failed

Hitting in anger. Even worse

Very few people do it as a first resort
How the fuck can you possibly know that?

Did it make the child stop though?

Yes very extreme. What if he had said "would you like me to kick you back. That's enough"

I also don't believe people when they say "My parents hit me and it never did any harm".

I don’t think it’s up to you to say that people
who say this are lying. I hate the idea of smacking children (I’m currently pregnant with my first and will not ever hit them), but I was occasionally smacked as a child and no, I don’t think it did any measurable harm. It wasn’t good parenting, and it didn’t work, and I really hate the idea of it, which is why I absolutely won’t do it, but I honestly believe I haven’t been harmed by it. But, I would also say that I think “well, never did me any harm” is just a not a good enough argument for anything, even when it’s true.

@PinkGin24

Maybe you'll feel differently when you have children. I was raised being smacked, as were my siblings, I never really saw the harm in it and the same as you, I've turned out fine. BUT since having DD I can't imagine hitting her. I can't imagine doing anything that would cause her physical harm, it honestly sickens me to think I (or anyone) could treat her like that. A pp is right, it's not 'just a smack', it's using physical violence.

My dad 'pretended' to smack DD on the bum when she was just turned 1 (for touching a fire which wasn't on as it doesn't even work ) and I told him if he ever did that again I would never let him have her unsupervised.

As it stands they've never had her unsupervised as my mom (who was the bigger smacked of them) keeps telling me I need to 'be more strict' (she means smack) with DD. She's 18 months and occasionally has a little tantrum when she's told no, which fizzles out in seconds if ignored. There are far better ways of parenting than physically hurting your child, and anyone who would smack a child that young is abusive in my eyes.

@woodhill or what if he’d dealt with the issue that was causing the behaviour in the first place? Was she bored, angry, scared? You’re not telling me he’d tried talking to her, distracting her, or being an actual parent in any other way before he threatened her.

The vast majority of when parents use PD is when theyve been pushed to the limit and almost like reflex, or are in an extreme situation and feel like everything else has failed

This is nothing more than a justification for all forms of reactive violence and domestic abuse. It is a peculiarity that children are the only people in our society who can be subject to violence because an adult is frustrated, has "tried everything else" or simply lacks the skillset to manage unwanted behaviour in a healthy way.

How can you know all parents who have ever used PD are evil monsters ? Parents arent going to seek help if they are habitual smackers if they are crucified and villanized for what is often an emotional response and last resort, it doesnt often happen in a vacuum

MrsMuffins - agree with this. Anecdotally, the worst-behaved kids I see in public are the ones whose parents completely ignore them and their misbehaviour, then suddenly leap straight to dragging them around and slapping them.

I worry about the message it sends children about love and violence. Honestly, I'm not being dramatic, but those two things should never be linked. What sort of love relationships is it setting them up for?

Not sure, wasn't there but take your point

It’s truly shocking that anyone hits their kids nowadays.

Those that lash out in anger are reprehensible, but it’s the ones that think it’s a perfectly valid form of admonishment that are more worrying.

Crap parenting, either way.

I dont think so woodhill as he eventually made the child stand up and he sat in the seat instead leaving the child to stand. But I just thought the threat was abit too far even if it was an empty threat, A grown man shouldnt be talking about “stamping” on a child and I am someone who doesnt have a problem with smacking but that was too far imo. So yes I did at him.