Would you confront somebody who lies about cancer?

[AutonomousSim]

I suspect somebody I know is fabricating health issues for attention, again. I have no proof other than past behaviour so don't know if I can outright call them a liar. This is the third time in three/four years they have strongly implied they have cancer (there has been other occasions where they've pretended to be at deaths door for other things and turned out to be fine)

The first time they said the hospital believed they had lung cancer and had everybody thinking they'd die then was magically given the all clear.

The second time they said they found a lump elsewhere that apparently turned out to be a boil in the end after having everybody worry about them for months.

Now they're saying there's another lump so they called their GP and were told that they'll being given an appointment at the hospital for "a couple months time" to investigate for cancer BUT they haven't seen the GP in person

Perhaps coincidentally but these announcements come about when they aren't getting much attention.

I hate to be so cynical but my spidey senses are screaming out that it's all for attention. Their relatives take no notice for this reason because they're known to lie, alot.

They do not have health anxiety, they do however love attention.

Would you call them out or not?

nope i wouldnt call them out, I wouldnt probably want to associate with them though given they are that kind of person.

Tough one. I would havepreviously said yes but then a young girl my dd used to know pretended she had leukaemia and although she appeared to have no mental health problems she committed suicide when her friends started to become suspicious.

Nope I’d completely ignore it otherwise it feeds in to their need for attention.
I’d also completely ignore them and have nothing to do with them as well- it is a disgusting thing to lie about.

It doesn't really add up. If they haven't seen their GP they probably wouldn't be referred to hospital and as for in a couple of months time, that doesn't sound right.
They try to act quickly if cancer is suspected.
My dd had a breast lump and within days of seeing GP she was having a biopsy and referred for surgery (thank goodness it was a benign tumour).
If someone had a dodgy health history like the person you mention no way would a doctor casually leave it a few months.

If GP suspected cancer, they'd get them in for tests in 2 weeks. It's called the 2w/w, it would be a note on the referral letter or similar. Anything that they'll get round to in a "couple of months" won't be anything the GP is concerned about.

They sound like someone who’s very anxious about their health rather than someone who is lying about having cancer

I wouldn't bother calling them out on it, but I'd just ignore it like a toddler's tantrum or a drunk ranty person in the street. Don't feed the attention hoovers!

Here's how the conversation went today, I've taken names out of the screen shot obviously. I've been pulling back from this person a bit recently as I have a lot going on and so the timing is suspect as per the last occasions. What do you make of these? I'm blue.

I don’t think there’s a way you could confront them without looking like the Bad Guy, at least in the very short term.

I would ask pointed questions about what they’ve done so far to seek treatment, and I’d make it clear that I was when it inevitably sounded suspect. At least if they think you aren’t buying it you’ll be spared having to listen to their tall tales directly.

What is your relationship to them?

I really do think they just sound worried

If they weren't known for attention seeking in all aspects of life I'd be inclined to believe it was health anxiety, but they're known to lie about many different things and their stories never add up.

I have health anxiety by the way so I'm not discrediting it as a MH issue.

Hmmmm doesn't actually seem too bad to me. They have lumps - they need to be removed. They haven't called you and been on the phone for hours, they haven't turned up at your door needing tea and sympathy. They haven't really said much except don't worry and I've been through it before. Nothing for you to say or worry about other than 'i hope all is well.' YABU - She's hasn't lied. And nothing to call out.

I would just nod and smile. Don’t get too invested. This will be the fourth lump in the same place that where previously boils. Sounds like they overreact.

It doesn't sound bad to me too, they just sound worried.

As a previous poster suggested there should be a max of 2ww for suspected cancer. You can reassure them that this month or two wait means they dont suspect cancer.

Given what you’ve said alone I wouldn’t call her out at all. I know of someone who was told she had lung cancer then didn’t, and lumps can occur often as well. She actually sounds like she is trying to be reassuring to you rather than attention seeking. Just don’t give too much of yourself but stay in touch now and then and be “busy”.

It's the history that makes me so cynical.

They told us, including members of their own family that they'd been diagnosed with cancer then once everybody rallied round worrying they said the hospital had got it wrong, they didn't have cancer and were suddenly right as rain again.

That would do my head in! Let it go though, I doubt you confronting them will make any difference. Some people just thrive on attention.

Ps. How little are you exactly ?😉

My (high maintenance) aunt was living abroad and hospitalised and had a hysterectomy- family flew to be with her help her recuperate at home. 2 years later she had my cousin.... I remember as a teenager saying to my mum “it doesn’t bloody grow back?” No one said a thing. Not a squeak to her. Clearly my family does not do confrontation. 🙄

Are you sure they're outright lying, and not just very worried/paranoid about their health and hearing the worst from Drs?
So, where you've said they said the hospital suspected lung cancer, maybe a Dr said that lung cancer was a possibility, and they jumped to conclusions.

Ditto the lump, if you're sent for a biopsy, I think people who are extremely anxious about their health could easily jump to "well I've definitely got cancer then!"
The texts you've put up don't seem like a liar to me, but seem like someone very very paranoid. Unless you think they are actually completely making up the lumps and hospital tests?

I relayed what was said here about the two week wait and this was their response.

I'm "5'0 and known as little and varying nicknames by everybody in the social group

I used to know someone who (coincidentally) claimed to have been diagnosed with lung cancer and didn't have long to live. She started straightening her hair and claiming it was "thinner" because it had started falling out...though this was before she was supposedly having treatment. It was 100% for attention, and there was nothing physically wrong with her apart from pretty severe epilepsy...which she would skip medication for and have fits most days (despite her parents saying her epilepsy was completely under control and that she hadn't had a fit in years). It's a mental health disorder...but not everyone picks up on that and they get sucked into the web of lies (as I did until a mutual friend filled me in.)

My thoughts would be oh bollocks I'm afraid. Tell them to contact their ccg.

Nobody believes they ever had any tests for cancer. They refused to be accompanied to the hospital to be supported on previous occasions, had no paperwork or appointment letters, struggle to stick to their story when asked in detail about what health professionals have said.

The appointments never add up.