Would you confront somebody who lies about cancer?

[AutonomousSim]

I suspect somebody I know is fabricating health issues for attention, again. I have no proof other than past behaviour so don't know if I can outright call them a liar. This is the third time in three/four years they have strongly implied they have cancer (there has been other occasions where they've pretended to be at deaths door for other things and turned out to be fine)

The first time they said the hospital believed they had lung cancer and had everybody thinking they'd die then was magically given the all clear.

The second time they said they found a lump elsewhere that apparently turned out to be a boil in the end after having everybody worry about them for months.

Now they're saying there's another lump so they called their GP and were told that they'll being given an appointment at the hospital for "a couple months time" to investigate for cancer BUT they haven't seen the GP in person

Perhaps coincidentally but these announcements come about when they aren't getting much attention.

I hate to be so cynical but my spidey senses are screaming out that it's all for attention. Their relatives take no notice for this reason because they're known to lie, alot.

They do not have health anxiety, they do however love attention.

Would you call them out or not?

Yes, slowly back away, stop feeding the attention with your own (admitted) health anxiety, and go and listen to Peter And The Wolf.

i know someone like this - its constant isnt it? Thats why your suspicious. The person i know lies about cancer all the time - so much so, the family dont actually believe him anymore - now when he says he has cancer, we just say 'ok - hope you get better soon - let us know what we can do to help', and when he doesnt get the attention he wants, suddenly he's better, it was just a scare etc etc..... Its the constant lies that make you distrust them and its horrible and so unfair that you even have to question it so i totlaly understand why you are distrusting. I would personally step back, the more you feed this, the more it'll wind you up.

Cancer as everyone else has said is a 2 week wait, my DH was on it, so this makes me fucking angry.

Stop pandering to it.

@AutonomousSim what's with all the 'little ones' to you OP? 😂 what a funny expression.

I know someone like this too. She does it when she's about to be found out for stealing money from people. Had two of her kids removed because she told them "mummy is dying and daddy doesn't love you". That was ten years ago. Still at it now, only I think it's currently MS she has at the moment 🤔

It sounds like you know someone like my sister, it's best just to ignore and steer clear.

I knew someone who did this and admitted later that they made it up, partly for attention, partly to get out of doing a group project in college. Yeah. They had form for amateur dramatics and most people ended up distancing themselves from her because nothing could be believed.

Just ignore it, try and not let them have head space.

They know I suffer from anxiety so the fact they target me to bullshit makes me so angry. I used to worry endlessly about them to the point of tears as I considered them a dear friend, until I realised what they were doing and others chimed in to say don't believe a word of it because it's lies.

One of their own relations rolls their eyes and says just watch how it pans out there's nothing wrong with them.

When they do it now I make a point of questioning their story just so they don't feel comfortable continuing the lies and they usually "turn down the heat" and change the subject after an hour or so when they don't get the reaction they wanted.

If their local GP and hospital were as incompetent as they make them out to be then the doctors would be bloody struck off.

They've also claimed in the past to have an excessive amount of fluid on the lungs which caused them to struggle to get about, but the hospital didn't want to drain it!

I'm going to distance myself from this person because like others here I've had family members battle cancer and I'm disgusted that people would imply they have it for attention.

I actually have distanced myself somewhat and that's when they've popped up with this crap again.

Depends how well I knew them and what my relationship with them was like. At the end of the day I am not a doctor, but what you describe is indeed dubious at best. I would either raise the issue quietly and gently one-to-one and ask what is actually going on, or distance myself. If someone really is lying about having cancer obvs that really is the lowest of the low - however this person may have mental health issues and needs help

Is this an older sibling or parent? Why do they keep calling you "little one"?

@waterplease oh god don't, I know 😂

I'm very short and it's how they refer to me.

You're the one who keeps talking about cancer in the messages, even she said 'it's not cancer yet' and previously that she hopes it isn't. You need to disengage.

I have breast cancer. She’s talking shite. ‘Not cancer yet’ oh do fuck off. Have they done biopsies on these repetitive ‘lumps’then? One doctor looking after her my arse, when you have cancer there is a huge team involved in your support.

Attention seeking nonsense. Makes me really quite angry after the treatment I’ve been through

@IsItThatTimeAgain not an older sibling or parent no, but an older friend.

The little one comments are what they call me because of my height

If a GP suspects a patient has cancer, they are duty bound to refer the patient within 2 weeks (otherwise known as the 2 week wait) for further tests.

No GP would say that a lump might be cancer, but they'll refer them in a couple of months to see.

she sounds like one of those people who if they tell themselves the same lie often enough, they begin to believe it's true

I had a boss/friend like that - she is no longer a boss/friend because I couldn't stand the blatant lying

@Buggeroffalo I'm very sorry to hear that, it's because of genuine cases where people go through hell that I'm enraged somebody would do this.

@BlancheM They've outright lied about cancer before and were hinting at this being cancer, until they were pulled up on it and it was pointed out that what they were telling me didn't add up, then they've began to backtrack and say "it's not cancer yet"

If the aim is to get attention, then it's working.

it's not cancer yet
Yet, that's an odd thing to say.

Just stop giving them any attention for it. Stop questioning. Just say something vaguely sympathetic then leave it.

They basically wanted me to believe that they called their GP after finding a lump, and the GP has no interest in examining the lump or taking blood tests, instead they've referred them straight on to the hospital to have this mystery lump removed without being looked at first, and they'll receive an appointment for said removal procedure within a couple of months.

Coupled with the history of lying about cancer I've no doubt it's bollocks.

Just stop,discussing it. At the very most all you need to say when she tells you is "oh I'm sorry to hear that, let me know how you get on at the docs" and change the subject.

You cannot change how other people are, only the way in which you react to them.

Could you offer to go to the appointment with her.....?

I was replying out of curiosity to see how they'd dig themselves out of the hole they were creating, but I am going to stop engaging now.

They know I don't believe it and have pointed out the guidelines for cancer so I bet they don't mention it again. For a year or so.

Vile behaviour

Don’t give them attention. Just reply with “I’m sure it’s ok, let me know if you need anything” and leave alone. It’s not cancer.