Would you confront somebody who lies about cancer?

[AutonomousSim]

I suspect somebody I know is fabricating health issues for attention, again. I have no proof other than past behaviour so don't know if I can outright call them a liar. This is the third time in three/four years they have strongly implied they have cancer (there has been other occasions where they've pretended to be at deaths door for other things and turned out to be fine)

The first time they said the hospital believed they had lung cancer and had everybody thinking they'd die then was magically given the all clear.

The second time they said they found a lump elsewhere that apparently turned out to be a boil in the end after having everybody worry about them for months.

Now they're saying there's another lump so they called their GP and were told that they'll being given an appointment at the hospital for "a couple months time" to investigate for cancer BUT they haven't seen the GP in person

Perhaps coincidentally but these announcements come about when they aren't getting much attention.

I hate to be so cynical but my spidey senses are screaming out that it's all for attention. Their relatives take no notice for this reason because they're known to lie, alot.

They do not have health anxiety, they do however love attention.

Would you call them out or not?

@Peachyk have done before, as have others, they never want anybody to go with them. They also never have appointment letters when their sibling asked to see them.

Hmm, my FIL has a condition where he has repeated checks for lumps/cysts in his oesophagus and any lumps are removed because they may be pre-cancerous. So each time the lump is removed and cells are checked and he has to wait to find out if they were cancer or not. So far he's been lucky, but it sounds a very similar process - my ILs would describe it pretty much as in those texts.

And, fwiw, I don't think it's always vile behaviour. It's very sad behaviour when someone feels they need to make up extreme stuff for attention.

No I wouldn't but I would distance myself from the person because I can't fucking stand people like this.

@PetuliaBlavatsky I'm sorry to hear that, can't be nice for your FIL.

In this case though they've outright lied about lung cancer before. The boils/lumps stories are new fabrications, separate ones to the initial "Cancer scare"

They've also never had a lump removed or biopsied before, so for somebody who keeps getting mysterious lumps nothing is ever being done about them. They claim to have had 4 separate lumps but nothing ever progressed past "being referred"

I'd want to confront her about it, but be prepared that it might well be the end of the friendship if you do.
IMO people who tell lots of lies get very good at backtracking and deflecting blame when called out, you can expect to be labelled an unsupportive friend etc.

I call bullshit.. I have 'lumpy blobs and every year or so I have lumps come up that turn out to be systs that have to be drained. I know this, my gp knows this. But they ALWAYS say to me, if I go s a lump to go straight to the gp and I get referred to the breast clinic within 2 weeks. Even tho we are all 99% sure it's a syst. So there's no way a doc would wait a month or two before doing tests.

As other pp have said, draw back, no point calling her out on it.

I think we’re all too quick to pass off despicable behaviour as “mental health problems” these days. If she has mental health problems then she should be being treated for them, not using them as a get-out to lie to all and sundry about fictitious illnesses.

Personally I couldn’t give a shit whether she had mh issues, if she’s lying about cancer and has done so more than once and habitually lies to get attention then she knows exactly what she’s doing, mh or not - it’s not and never should be a get-out.

personally I wouldn’t engage and unless she’s your mother sister or daughter I would cut all contact from here on in. I have no time for this kind of bollocks. It’s an insult to people both with serious illnesses and with mh conditions.

TBH it won't do any good to 'confront' the person. Confronting people never does do any good. All you'll get is a lot of wailing and everyone else being dragged into a big palaver about who's being mean to whom, and the attention-seeker will carry on seeking attention. Best just to back away and ignore as much as possible.

She's now saying she "knows what it is"

Apparently it's "in her blood" and its the crap that's in it from working in workshops where she wasn't given gloves and that's why her hands are always red"?

Total back track and contradiction.

Why are you friends with this person? She sounds needy and you sound as if you despise her.

What?! Just don’t reply, she’s talking shit.

I replied saying so are you saying it's blood poisoning then and they replied

"Yeah like that but because of the shit they used in the workshops, it will always be in my blood and inner body parts and there is nothing they can do about it and I'll keep getting lumps"

So we've gone from supposed cancer scare to an undiagnosed type of blood poisoning.

On Christmas Eve a friend who I had suspicions about fabricating certain events in her life texted me and said she was so sorry, she loved me but she couldn't do this anymore and was getting sectioned. My dad has been sectioned so I flew into a massive panic, thinking what has she done to herself to get sectioned. Anyway, turns out it was a lie and she was on a night out and pissed up and doing it for attention. She text me on Boxing Day saying actually she was getting sectioned next week now . Old me would have confronted her, called her out on it but I thought to myself, if I need to explain to someone why they can't lie about being sectioned then do I really need this person in my life? And deleted her off everything and blocked her number. I actually saw her on Monday night and she hid round a corner until I'd gone!!

@Nancydrawn because she was a good friend until I realised she was a pathological liar.

Just reply back saying at least you know it's nothing terminal. Hope it gets sorted sooner rather than later.

I was engaging because I wanted her to trip herself up and realise she sounded ridiculous, and she has.

Its appalling to fabricate cancer under any circumstances and she should now feel ashamed and quite frankly like a twat.

Perhaps if people continuously pressed her such as I have today then she may think twice before doing it a fifth, sixth seventh time.

This stuff is really sad. I think that the 'friend' must have some kind of mental health issue to be playing these weird health games.

We have a woman at work like this, whose entire family has a long series of serious health issues. There literally isn't a moment when she herself, or some member of her family isn't under investigation for a hideous and life-threatening illness. I've worked with her for 10 years and at no point has a single one of them come to anything - not once ever. When I first joined, I was horrified and held her hand through teary phone calls and when she had to take a moment in our various meetings rooms. Now, it is hard to maintain any level of sympathy or even interest, so we all tend to smile and nod and just let it wash past us.

I make a point of questioning their story just so they don't feel comfortable continuing the lies

I was engaging because I wanted her to trip herself up and realise she sounded ridiculous

Even negative attention is still attention. And it's attention of any kind that she's looking for, even 'doubtful' questioning. It allows her more opportunity to monopolize your time and attention.

My friend was the same, when I questioned her on these 'oils' that supposedly 'cured her cancer' it would have been obvious to the village idiot that I didn't believe her and was trying to trip her up. It didn't matter, she had an (nonsensical) answer for everything (and so will your friend). It's the attention they want, whether or not you actually believe them is a moot point.

That's why you have to disengage completely. Non-commital and no information seeking responses are the way to go.

Blood poisoning is also know as sepsis and is a killer if not treated immediately so highly doubt the Doctor would wait 2 months. Don't engage with her.

She clearly IS NOT WELL! No one in their right minds fabricates illnesses (pull a sicky yes...fabricate life threatening illness no!). Dhe is clearly seeking attention and connectedness If this mental illness is affecting you then pull away from her. Confronting her and humiliating her on the internet (should she find this thread), however, is likely to exacerbate any mental health problems that she has, increase her paranoia and need for connectedness so not really doing her any favours. Encouraging and supporting her to recognise that she doesn't need to embellish stories to maintain friendship might be kinder but it sounds like you are too far down the line for that.

Text her something mundane like "I'm sure you'll be grand. Hasn't the weather turned very cold". And ignore all further medical related messages.

It is REALLY bad form to post personal messages on the internet. REALLY BAD FORM.

I worked with a cancer faker. She conned the workforce out of money, compassion and time (looking after her children and taking care of her pets while she was undergoing treatment). When she was found out, she left, and is now claiming to have a life-threatening heart condition in her current workplace. She is ill. Just not physically.