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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To enforce a no smoking for 24 hours before seeing my kids rule?

152 replies

Seline · 15/01/2019 06:28

It sounds ridiculous but my kids are extreme prems and were incredibly unwell. Both have chronic lung disease although luckily they are not on oxygen anymore and I've told people who want to visit not to smoke for 24 hours because I don't want my children exposed to second hand smoke when they've had problems with their breathing already. Apparently some people have said they think I'm bonkers for this.

Is it too over the top? They were both vented, both struggled to lose the oxygen.

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 15/01/2019 06:29

I think it is too ott.
how old are they?
can you ask for no visiting until they are a bit older

swingofthings · 15/01/2019 06:30

Was this suggested by the Paediatrician? If so, it's right to demand it, if not, you're over anxious.

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:30

They're three months old now. Born at 26 weeks.

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WeepingSong · 15/01/2019 06:31

It’s really not going to happen. Smokers can’t just stop for 24 hours - if they won’t quit for their own health then they aren’t going to do it for somebody else.

You will either have to relax your rules or cut people out of your lives.

WoogleCone · 15/01/2019 06:32

It is a little OTT, and impossible to enforce. Someone who smokes is still going to smell like it, so how would you possibly know?
They'll do it anyway and tell you they didn't.
I'd just delay visits for a while until they're a bit older?

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:32

No it wasn't suggested, I never asked about it. I'm just worried about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:34

I would be happy delaying visits but DH would not. His argument is my family get to visit which they do, however my family don't smoke and visit to help out with the babies rather than to cuddle them and leave.

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 15/01/2019 06:34

Delay visits until the spring perhaps op?
and Ask them to wash their hands?

NerrSnerr · 15/01/2019 06:34

I don't think anyone will actually do this, although people may lie and say they haven't had one for 24 hours.

I would ask them not to smoke immediately before seeing them and ask them to wash hands etc.

Smarshian · 15/01/2019 06:34

I think it’s OTT and unless you are keeping them locked up away from every other person in the world it is slightly ridiculous as they will be exposed to smokers in public.

cricketmum84 · 15/01/2019 06:34

While I understand your anxieties I do think 24 hours is a little OTT. It would be very very hard for a smoker to abstain for that length of time.

Can you relax your rules a little? Maybe a few hours and ask visitors to remove outdoor clothing, scarves etc that may have lingering smell on them?

WeepingSong · 15/01/2019 06:35

So it’s about the help (or lack of) and not the smoking?

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:35

I haven't taken them out yet Blush One is still in SCBU but coming home soon and the other has only gone to and from the car. I've been too afraid to take him anywhere.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 15/01/2019 06:35

I understand your worry. Smelling cigarette smoke in the air, or on clothes, triggers my allergies.
I think you should avoid having visitors who smoke. You don't have to give that as the reason.

ClanoftheCaveBear · 15/01/2019 06:35

I think YANBU given their age and that they very early- just out of hospital?
I would think it was a bit much if they were 5!
Say it’s only for a year or so while they’re babies.
Is it a family member?

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:37

It's not about the help, by that I meant when he says it's unfair it isn't really because they are benefiting us hugely. It's not MIL either, she's fantastic and has been great with hand washing and disinfecting things. It's extended family I'm worrying about.

OP posts:
BerryTowel · 15/01/2019 06:37

I think you're being OTT, but it's totally understandable that you're feeling a little unreasonable and panicked right now.

flumpybear · 15/01/2019 06:40

Ask the consultant what their advice is for smokers. Don't forget there may Be staff in the unit who smoke - I doubt they'd be told not to smoke

HoraceCope · 15/01/2019 06:42

oh one is still in SCBU?

I would ask the consultant paediatrician their advice op.

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:44

I'll ask them and see what they recommend. I probably am being over cautious.

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abbsisspartacus · 15/01/2019 06:44

Was hands and a clean top before handleling the baby xx

swingofthings · 15/01/2019 06:44

You need to speak with the medical team as it could be a sign of you suffering from some sort of ptsd that could lead to massive anxieties that will only damage your babies rather than protect them.

Ask them what the rule should be. If they say its OK as long as they don't smoke there and then, which is likely to be the response, then you'll need to trust them and let it go.

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:45

Yes one is, nothing is majorly wrong with her now she has just been slow to take oral feeds. Once she's taking 50% orally she will be discharged.

OP posts:
Stardustinmyeyes · 15/01/2019 06:48

Premature twins and you have Pils who smoke.
I think a 24 hour ban before visiting will be impossible to enforce. Effectively you'll be telling them to stop smoking if they ever want to see your children

Original poster
Seline · 15/01/2019 06:48

You need to speak with the medical team as it could be a sign of you suffering from some sort of ptsd that could lead to massive anxieties that will only damage your babies rather than protect them.

This is what I worry about. My reasoning is if they're wearing different clothes and have showered there's likely to be very little lingering on the person.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/concern-over-third-hand-smoke/

OP posts: