To enforce a no smoking for 24 hours before seeing my kids rule?

[Seline]

It sounds ridiculous but my kids are extreme prems and were incredibly unwell. Both have chronic lung disease although luckily they are not on oxygen anymore and I've told people who want to visit not to smoke for 24 hours because I don't want my children exposed to second hand smoke when they've had problems with their breathing already. Apparently some people have said they think I'm bonkers for this.

Is it too over the top? They were both vented, both struggled to lose the oxygen.

I think if any staff smoke they would wear a jacket over clothes especially paediatric nurses and midwives.i know you are worried but try and not obsess about this.

An old family friend is a doctor whose specialty is premature babies and she said that it's fairly common that the parents of premature babies are completely traumatized by the experience and OTT about caring for the children for years afterwards. The anxiety does eventually get better.

You are only 3 months into this...you are completely entitled (and normal) to be OTT. As long as you recognize that it is and don't stay that way forever. Give yourself another 3-6 months to be completely OTT and then maybe think about dialing it down a little, or getting some help to do so if you can't manage it on your own.

My ds was born full term, but was very very sick all the time (he was finally diagnosed with mitochondrial disease at age 11) and I learned to be OTT about health related things and now that he's 18 and away at college, I'm having to train myself to unlearn all those instincts. It's hard, but will feel better when the time is right.
There is a YA book called Everything, Everything that describes what it looks like if you stay OTT forever.
So glad that your twins are doing so well, by the way.

I would love them not to smoke 24 hours prior to visiting but it’s unrealistic. Two hours before. Clean clothes and hand washing essential.
Hope the little one is able to eat soon. Will she be able to come home with an NGT?

Aebj she can if she's taking half her feeds orally as I did the training on it. Yesterday she did mostly bottles so if this continues she should be home soon.

That's the other reason I'm concerned, I wasn't able to express milk for very long before their need overtook my supply and breastfeeding is a protective factor against smoking related issues. I'm probably being very silly but it is something that does worry me.

I also had a family member pass away at 53 from lung cancer despite having never smoked. So I am a bit twitchy about it around the kids.

OP I think you’re very worried about your babies and that worry has latched onto the smoking issue because that is something you might be able to control. Very normal, very understandable but probably not helping you.

It would be worth a chat with your babies medics but also with your GP about you. How long has your first little one been home? It might be a good idea to have a first outing before second little one comes home so you know you can do it and you know nothing will go wrong.

With the smoking I’d say to ppl ‘babies have been v ill so please don’t smoke before you see them and come in clothes you haven’t smoked in.’ Achieves the same thing in a different way.

It’ll all be fine, honestly.

I understand why you are concerned. Maybe speak to someone at the hospital about a sensible rule then get your mil onside so it won’t be seen as you against dh’s family.

22 years ago, so knowledge will have evolved. The guidelines were 20 minutes after a cigarette you would still be breathing out 2nd hand smoke, FIL regularly smoked in the house although MIL said he wouldn't when we were there. I therefore didn't want to stay with PIL with my prem baby because of this.

I still believe I was right, I would do the same thing again now, but it took a long time for the rift between us to heal.

However I think 24 hours is a bit OTT. You can request that they don't smoke for an hour beforehand and have extra blankets to wrap them in to protect them from anything in the clothing. Chances are if they haven't smoked for an hour they won't stay for long as they'll be ready for another one by then. It is however impossible for you to police.

DP smokes and the advice was always at least 20 mins after cigarette and going near baby. That was with my babies being full term and no problems so your advice might be different.

I think you are very understandably over concerned. Your baby at home is now term equivalent so maybe start a little walk out around the block to the corner shop, or similar. It’s going to get harder when you have both at home so better to practice with one.
Smoking is vile. I would do a total ban, if I could but these are the babies families and your husband’s families. They are unlikely to come to harm being cuddled briefly by someone who smokes. Air pollution from diesel is probably a greater risk.

I think it's a bit ott I'm afraid, but I understand you just wanting to do everything possible to protect them.

My twins were prem too, vented, c pap and optiflow.

One set of grandparents are heavy smokers and they were not allowed to 'pop outside for a cigarette' when visiting, but I couldn't have asked them to not smoke for 24 hours before a visit. I was very careful that no one held them without washing their hands and using anti bacterial. Other than that I don't think I could have asked much more from people to try and protect them when they were so tiny and vulnerable.

I don’t think you can be affected by second hand smoke on people’s clothes if that’s what you meant ? so if the visitors wash their hands they should be absolutely fine

Id say yabu as smokers are addicted and 24 hours is a long time. However i dont think anyone will disagree with you re smokers being near your babies, children and tbh other none smoking adults. Terrible antisocial addiction. However we live in a real world your pil are close family so no smoking for a couple of hours, shower and change of clothes as they so young and fragile. Just whilst they so small. Reassess later but anyone should change clothes and wash hands surely before being near babies if they smoke.

As a smoker myself, it's your babies and really you can do whatever you want, but honestly yes I think you are being very OTT and will alienate people, and I don't think the people concerned are going to be able to go without smoking for 24 hours all of sudden. It's very extreme in my view.

I do not smoke around children, at all. Not even in public if there are children nearby - so I do recognise the harmful effects of second hand smoking.

If a person smokes, it's because they are addicted. If they felt able to go 24 hours without a cigarette, the chances are they wouldn't be smokers as they would able to have nicotine replacement that does the job, along with the self control to stop. 24 hours no smoking as an addicted smoker, is quite a feat.

In their position, I could understand you saying 'no cuddles' etc if I'd had a smoke recently. By recent I say maybe an hour max. I would totally change my clothes, shower etc before seeing them however. I wouldn't even need to be asked for such delicate babies.

I think 2/3 hours, with a shower and change would be reasonable, for short cuddles/visits.

wash hands, face and clean top, fine.

The rest is OTT.

somebody having smoked in the last 24 hours will not in itself expose your babies to second hand smoke though, so its an unreasonable condition because it will not achieve what you want it to.

To protect your babies from secondhand smoke, the first thing to insist on is that they are wearing clothes that have never been worn while smoking and have been kept in a smoke-free home. An outfit for each regular visitor could be kept at your house for this perhaps. showering, washing hair, cleaning teeth and getting into the never-smoked-in clothes will have a much bigger effect than your idea.

if someone hadn't had a cigarette for 48 hours but was wearing a jacket or Cardigan that had previously been smoked in, the babies would get a significant dose of second hand smoke.

YANBU at all. They are your babies, it's your choice. Cant believe all the people on here that want you to pander to such a dirty habbit.

Sounds harsh but I say this as an ex smoker. I quit, cold turkey, 7 years ago after about 20 years of smoking. Took me 6 months before I could finally say I was a non-smoker and it was difficult, but good things always are.

My DD was only 4 weeks premature, never needed any help and after a week on the ward was allowed home.

No smokers get near her. No way do i want my baby stinking of fags!! Plus health officials are currently investigating the dangers of 3rd hand pasdive smoking so you are right to be cautious.

MIL is the only smoker in the family and DD has never been in her house, it stinks! The air is so thick with smoke you choke taking a breathe!

3 times we took DD to visit and stood at the back door refusing her please to come in. Despite knowing our feelings on it she actually sparked at fag, at the back door, right next to the pram! That was the last time MIL saw her. DD is 7 months old now.

Won't invite MIL to our house either, don't want our couch stinking of fags when she sits on it. The car smells horrific after we give her a lift to the shops!

MIL is also a raging alcoholic, and spends all her money on booze and fags and not that interested in her GD, just in case anyone started to feel sorry for her!

Plus DP's DF died of smoking related lung cancer which is why he is way ott about anything fag related near his DD.

They are your babies, till so tiny and vulnerable, you make whatever rules you want to that makes you feel they are safe.

Play on their previous lung issues if you need, the smokers will just have to understand their dirty habit is a problem around your babies and suck it up.

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

My son is 9 years old. He has asthma triggered by damp, mould, foam and second hand smoke. He only gets symptoms when my in laws visit or when we stay at their house (they smoke but only ever outside), when we stay at my parents house which is damp or in new hotels / buildings where he reacts to off gassing from mattresses (we bring a futon bed in a bag for him to sleep on when we go to friends houses).

It is a nightmare. When we travel, I get very little sleep and I live in fear that one day he will not wake up. It is not always obvious how ill he is as his oxygen levels can drop significantly without obvious symptoms.

I do not have PTSD, excessive anxiety, PND or other disorders that have been suggested to the OP. I have genuine and real fear borne out by actual events and if I don't protect my son, he will become very ill.

OP. Ignore the posters who are questioning your sanity and your instincts to protect your children.

Your babies, your rules. But smokers can’t just stop, they are addicted, so you are effectively banning all the smokers from meeting your babies,it’s harsh, but I fully understand you and your reasons.

How long will you enforce this rule? Because once you are getting out and about with your babies, there will be plenty of nasty smells and noxious fumes wherever you all go.

Enjoy your babies whilst they are little, they really do grow up so fast.

I totally understand why you are concerned, but I think 24 hours might be a bit much and will be fairly impossible to enforce.

Whilst we were TTC, I had a conversation with my DH about second hand smoke as PILs smoked. I said that they would need to smoke outside, wait about half an hour before handling baby, and change their tops. This included within their own home or baby just wouldn't go there. He thought I was being OTT. It probably would have caused some resentment as the only smokers in my family were PILs.
Fortunately, they have stopped smoking since I have been pregnant.

But I think an hour or two with a change of top is reasonable.

@ForgivenessIsDivine really really really shit choice of language. Suggesting that someone's anxiety could be the result of PND is not "questioning their sanity" FFS.

That being said, if the 24 hours thing is something you feel really strongly on, then fair enough. They are your babies. People can moan but that is all they can do. This point - Because once you are getting out and about with your babies, there will be plenty of nasty smells and noxious fumes wherever you all go - is quite valid though, you can't stop people driving cars up and down the road.

I don't think you are being ott. I wouldn't let a smoker hold my 8 month old and he's perfectly healthy.

Forgiveness your poor DS! I think to people who haven't had children who have been critically ill it probably sounds very silly, but to those of who have been in that situation it's not a fantasy worry so much as a real threat.

Thanks for the replies. I'll have a chat to the consultant and discuss with DH. Definitely will be making people remove coats and change shirts if it's been smoked in.

I may be wrong on this but while walking with them they'll be outside in the open air and won't be constantly in contact with the offending object so I would imagine exposure would be fairly short?

This is unenforceable and you'd never know when they last had a ciggy particularly if they changed clothes, showered, but even then unless recent you'd not know.

You're worrying needlessly because of concern for your babies so going over the top.