To enforce a no smoking for 24 hours before seeing my kids rule?

[Seline]

It sounds ridiculous but my kids are extreme prems and were incredibly unwell. Both have chronic lung disease although luckily they are not on oxygen anymore and I've told people who want to visit not to smoke for 24 hours because I don't want my children exposed to second hand smoke when they've had problems with their breathing already. Apparently some people have said they think I'm bonkers for this.

Is it too over the top? They were both vented, both struggled to lose the oxygen.

Apologies, haven't read the whole thread. You've been through a lot so are understandably concerned. I'd ask them not to smoke for a few hours and change clothes and wash hands. If they smoke in the car though, cigarette smoke may be on their new clothes so you may have to lend them something. May be worth telling them to bring a Nicolette pipe (plastic pen with nicotine cartridge - not like a vape - assume this would be ok), or Nicolette gum, so they can get a bit of a fix if they are there for a while. If you don't trust them to wait that long for a fag, don't let them hold baby straight away. Sorry, you've had such a scary time OP and congratulations.

It’s hard enough being rational with a full term baby in the first three months so with twins, and so prem, I can see why you are trying to control some elements of their care so strongly - because everything else is so totally out of your control. I did this, to a lesser extent, and only now, many years on, can I see that this is what was at the core of my controlling requests.

I say all this with kindness and total sympathy for your position but want to give you my honest view. I think the previous poster who said ask the medical team is spot on. Their view will be the medical position about what is in your child’s best interests. If you choose to have more rules, just have some awareness that you may be behaving irrationally and may hurt people’s feelings perhaps unnecessarily. We had a great friend who went slightly bonkers after having twins (full term but very hard work) and it kind of broke the friendship. She almost certainly had PND too, but the layers of demands she placed on everyone else in relation to both her and her babies was difficult to handle for friends and family. It was completely understandable and everyone was incredibly supportive but some of those relationships never recovered. That’s not anyone’s fault but was a by product of a very difficult situation.

I’d advise you to do whatever the doctors recommend but no more. Maybe get some counselling or other support for your very understandable feelings at the moment. Imposing more draconian rules might make you feel more in control but is unlikely to add anything to your babies’ health and could well affect your other relationships which you will need more than ever over the coming years and months.

You really shouldn't be limiting visits on this issue.
Why not? I don't know them well enough to know whether they will actually do it.

I'm a terrible parent then.
Had 2 prems, both micro and I stopped smoking during pregnancy but as soon as I walked into nicu I needed one. The place the sounds, everything.
When we finally got home, got told by the countless number of nurses and health visitors that, if you smoke go outside (obviously) wear extra layers, take off any outdoor clothing and wash hands, when we were first home I made everyone use anti bacterial gel and it was 20 mins after having one to cuddle.
Prems were 6 years ago so could have changed since then.

Booked you ask for fresh tops, washed hands and 4 hours

I think as other people have said 20/30 mins is acceptable

As a none smoker I hate being around smokers coming in from a fag break or getting into my car having a last cig before we set off. I wouldn’t like to be cuddled by them straight after a fag no matter what age I am

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me OP. I wouldn't visit a patient going through chemo when I had a virus and I wouldn't expect a smoker to be around children with chronic lung disease.

Sadly on MN some people tho k smokers are some marginalised group who can't possibly put other humans beings first 🙄

Re the staff in NICU smoking on breaks, most NHS hospitals are smokefree sites now, meaning they have to go off site to smoke. Many trusts also have a "no smoking in uniform" rule. Where I work it's a disciplinary or even sackable offence to be seen doing so. So they should ideally be changing out of uniform and leaving the site to smoke, then changing back, washing hands and using hand gel before returning to duties.

With regards to family, could you ask they wear fresh, clean clothes they haven't smoked in that day and wash hands for visits? Anyone that won't do that for your extremely prem twins would be unreasonable.

I don't understand how someone having smoked prior to seeing your children but not smoking around them, will cause any problems.

@jessstan2 well read up on it then.

OP I'd feel exactly the same as you.

Whether people will actually do it is another matter.

Re the staff in NICU smoking on breaks, most NHS hospitals are smokefree sites now, meaning they have to go off site to smoke. Many trusts also have a "no smoking in uniform" rule

Ours is a smoke free site, you still can't get in the front door without walking through the fog of smoke that parents/visitors are making. A ban is only as good as the people enforcing it. Our hospital is a regional one so the site is huge, it would take a good five minutes to walk off it. Parents/staff are not going to do that every time they want a fag. Staff are more discreet though, they either go to the covered bus shelter (lovely for non smokers waiting in there for the bus!) or behind a building.

Yeah 24 hours is a bit OTT, maybe a rule of no smoking for 2 hours and a change of clothes before hand, ie clothes they hadn't smoked in. If they could go 24 hours without smoking, they wouldn't be smokers.

I think the 24hrs is less important than how much they smell of smoke when they turn up (that’s what most of the evidence for 3rd hand smoke is about, I believe). For regular visitors ask if they could leave a couple of clean tops at your house to change in to when they arrive? And you could maybe order a few loose scrub tops to keep handy for any sporadic visits?
I don’t see what’s OTT when thinking about the lung health of extreme prem 3 month olds! In winter, no less. But I do think 24 hrs no smoking but clothes that still smell of smoke defeats the objective and is also impossible to enforce.

I can't believe the amount of people who are telling you that you are being OTT. These are your tiny babies and you make the rules. Yes you need to be on the same page as DH but that is it. You find the boundaries that are acceptable to you as parents and set them. What other people do or find acceptable is neither here nor there. Congratulations, your twins are lucky having such loving parents.

My ds was a 26 weaker. I used to see the NICU nurses puffing away in their breaks (a while ago so before site-wide smoking bans in hospitals). I do get where you are coming from in terms of your worry about them but realistically I think the risk in this case is so minimal that you need to let it go. Prem babies are vulnerable but you can't wrap them away. I remember the community nurse telling me in the nicest possible terms that DS'd been let out of hospital because he was now ready to face the world, ng tube and oxygen notwithstanding, and that, slowly, I needed to let that happen. Tough words but necessary ones. , it is very scary but you can do it.

Weeker!!!

Premature babies can stay fragile for quite awhile, there was a case in Wales last year of 2 of a set of triplets dying the same night. I think they were 5 months old but their deaths were ruled as partly due to being premature. I found that really scary, I would have thought a premature baby would be out of the woods by that point.

I think no smoking for 24 hours is extreme But can't they just shower and change clothes right before leaving home to visit and not smoke after that until they leave?

24 hours might be a bit over the top but you're certainly not unreasonable to ask them not to smoke before they come over and if necessary change their clothes and wash their hands. I certainly did. Smoke is dangerous even when it's only in clothes and hair. After everything you and the babies have been through people being considerate about smoking is the least they could do for you.

You'll get there love. I had prem twins but not as prem as yours and they did seem more fragile than a term baby. Don't put any pressure on yourself to get out and about with them just enjoy having them at home and getting to know them. There's plenty of time to take them out and about but don't do it before you're ready because you feel like other people think you should.

(I'm not saying to not enforce any rules re visitors, btw. It's just the 24 hours thing that feels very arbitrary. Washed hands, clean clothes - sure. Beyond that is going beyond what is realistically controllable. Remember that even if nurses aren't smoking on site now, they certainly aren't waiting 24 hours before caring for nicu babies!

IsIt, seriously, what a horrific link to post, WTF made you think that'd be helpful or appropriate?! That would just about have pushed me over the edge when I was at the stage op is at. You don't have a 26 weeker without fully knowing just how vulnerable they are and you certainly don't need strangers reinforcing it with random horror stories.

YANBU. You have just nursed your DC to term. You are understandably anxious about them. Your house, your rules. (I do think over time you will relax a little as they get bigger and stronger but that's up to you). Good luck with them. I hope you manage to enjoy some of this year.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I had a similar rule.
My sil is the only one that smokes so when she did visit (we are low contact with her anyway so she rarely visits) I asked her before hand to not smoke that day and if she wanted to then to bring a clean top to change into before she held my newborn who was also born early. She didn't cause a fuss and thought it was reasonable seeing that it was her habit not ours or our childs so we shouldn't have to put up with it.