AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

[CosmicCanary]

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

Why don't schools deal with the individual and let girls access the toilets if they need to?
Why are some lunchtimes only half an hour long? When are clubs and support sessions fitted in? When do the teachers get a break?

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

No its not, it was a hypothetical statement to illustrate that we don't know the full story. It may not be 100% the teachers fault, we don't know.
Also grow up she's not a victim. She had an accident, it happens. There probably isn't a woman alive it hasn't happened too.

And no one is saying a period is a medical issue. However a period so heavy even with the biggest tampon and pad you can get you still bleed though in an hour - yeah that's a medical problem.

Years ago when my daughter was about 13 she was desperate for the loo and wasn't allowed to go and she then had to suffer the humiliation of wetting herself (huge puddle) in front of the whole class .

They should be allowed out one at a time and a signing loo card could even be carried with them only being allowed if signed out then each teacher throughout the day could see if there were repeat offenders using it as an excuse to scive.

If someone has a sudden bout of diarrhoea, there is no planning or waiting - that would be so cruel.

To add to the above - she refused to drink anything all day after that for years.

When I was missing school for my periods (and I was on medication to slow things down. Back on them now in my 40's) the education welfare people eventually got involved. The situation was explained and I was supported to stop missing these days.

Guess what? I went back and still wasn't allowed to go to the toilet. So I stopped going because let's be honest. It's fucking humiliating leaking through your clothing. Imagine you have to spend the day soiled because you leaked in the morning. Would you really do that? Of course, you wouldn't. It impacts your emotional and mental well-being.

Some teachers are nasty. Or they cannot see outside of their own periods. Getting medication isn't easy especially in the early days when dr's say it will settle down. A lot of parents don't talk about heavy periods because they aren't aware. Ed in school is the basics and would be hypocritical for teachers to talk about heavy bleeding and then denying access to toilets.

Some say well wear a pad daily just in case. You are assuming that parents have the money to be able to buy this much. Plus there's an increase of thrush through daily wear (currently have thrush again from wearing pads for the past month)

When my DD was going through it, again she wasn't allowed. New school and she was allowed. This was despite her having medical letters as back up.

And go at lunchtime? that's funny. 30 minutes to queue up with the other couple of hundred students. Find a place to eat and gobble down your food with minutes to spare to rush off to your next lesson. And look at how many schools that the toilets are locked? So the girl is basically left with the choice of having food or changing towel. Yea completely rational and healthy.

I think they should be allowed to go. You can't always regulate your bladder and perhaps the toilets are crowded in break and lunchtime and perhaps if you have a drink 30 minutes later you need to go not straight after.

I'm a teacher and we aren't as strict about toilet use as some schools. It's pretty much at the teacher's discretion.

I definitely say no most of the time, because most of the time they're trying it on so they can miss part of my lesson. They are in my lesson to learn, not to go to the toilet. That needs to be done during breaks and between lessons. I do let girls go more often than I let boys go because I am obviously aware of periods being an issue at that age, but actually it's very rare for the girls to ask (in most of my classes). It's even rarer for any of the girls to actually bleed through their clothes, it's only happened once in classroom in 16 years of teaching. If any girl whispers to me that they need to deal with a period then of course I let them go, unless they are a repeat offender, ie telling me every lesson for months that they need to deal with a period.

For those saying adults can go whenever they need to, that's not really true in a lot of jobs. I can go at break and lunch, same as the kids. My sister is a waitress, she is only allowed to go to the loo if there's somebody else to look after her tables, ie during her break. Doctors, are we happy for them to nip out mid appointment? Train drivers? Shop assistants? A lot of jobs have constraints about when you can pop to the toilet. I had a lot of jobs back in my student days and wasn't allowed to go to the loo other than in breaks in any of them.

This thread has left me with two things:

1. A sense of intense envy at the regular, predictable (including in terms of flow) periods some women seem to have, and have had since their teens.

1. A feeling of mild relief that I only have sons, and therefore will never have to help a daughter navigate teachers who believe all periods are like those described in point 1.

How long do students have between classes? When I was at school (different country) it was barely enough time to get from one classroom to the next in a hurry. Certainly no time for the loo.

I recently had the unfortunate experience of talking to my daughters school. She suffers endometriosis like me, and a school trip meant sje would be walking for hours in sand dunes. She told me she was worried as she was due on that week. I told her to ask the teacher about the provisions in place for girls using the loo. He actually told her to pee in the sand dunes. She said it wasnt about peeing, although thats bad enough (no 14 year old girls shpuld be expected to pee in sand dunes in front of boys in her class) and he said there would be no toilets or provisions so she wpuld just have to miss the trip which counted towards her grade. I was livid and still am. I can't go into the school incase I'm tempted to throttle the miserable chauvenistic pig :(

And this is why when I was a ta, I used to take the fall for any girls who needed the loo during class time.
I also had a small tin, barely noticeable, but it had a couple of heat patches, some sanitary towels and a couple of tampons in.
If any girl said to me “miss I need the toilet, can I take your tin?” I’d know they were being serious and genuine. They often didn’t need the tin, but it became a code word so I would be able to explain to the teacher.
Of course some girls needed the tin more often than others, but I always made sure it was well stocked (I added more supplies as and when needed) because some poor girls were terrified of telling their mothers.
“Miss I need your tin” whispered quietly in my ear was much better than publicly saying “I need the toilet” and taking your bag!

It may not 100% be the Teachers fault we just don’t know.

The young girl, who is just 11 years old, was humiliated after going home with bloodstains on her clothes. She was left feeling like she didn’t want to return to the school in Bristol.

The first time was on a non-uniform day in September, when the girl was denied permission to leave a lesson. She was wearing light-coloured jeans.

On that particular occasion, the first year student was able to The young girl, who is just 11 years old, was humiliated after going home with bloodstains on her clothes. She was left feeling like she didn’t want to return to the school in Bristol.

The first time was on a non-uniform day in September, when the girl was able to cover the blood stains because she happened to be wearing a long jumper.

The pupil and her mother were reassured by Cotham School that such a thing would not happen again. The very same thing did, however, occur again – just a month later.

In October, a male teacher wouldn’t let the girl leave her class, telling her that if she continued to ask to use the toilet she would receive a disciplinary strike against her name.

Still think it’s not the Teachers fault?

Sounds lovely and understanding, doesn’t it. So all of those who agree with Teachers banning dc from going to the toilet in lessons maybe you should be more lenient.

I'm a Primary School Teacher in Year 6 so we do have a few girls who have started periods.
However my policy is the same for Boys and Girls if they need to go to the toilet they can go. They only proviso I put on it is that if someone else has left the classroom to go then they wait till they come back. And if I'm in the middle of explaining something I ask them to wait till Ive finished talking.
I've found that this approach has actually cut down on the amount of children leaving the room.
Also for some children a few minutes walk to the toilets and back can provide a much needed "break" for some children and allows them to just recentre themselves

House I've had that argument at my school too. They wanted to take a while yeargroup on a 4 hour hike with no toilet provision until they got to the end. I won! They changed the route so there were public toilets (which werent pleasant but significantly better than a bush) at the stopping point halfway round. Nobody had considered that some of the girls would be having periods that day and need some proper privacy to deal with them (you won't be surprised that it was a man in charge of that trip).

Jessie most schools have timetables where they only have 2 lessons in a row before a break. So it's at most 2 hours between opportunities to use the loo at a slightly more leisurely pace. But I don't know any teacher who would complain about a quick visit to the loo on the way to the next lesson. The problems start when they dawdle to the toilet furthest away from the lesson, or they come in to the lesson that's already started yelling about where they've been (you wouldn't think this happens but it does) rather than slipping in quietly. Both of those are disruptive and stop other people from learning. Arriving a couple of minutes late after a short detour to the toilet, coming in quietly and getting all equipment out ready to join the lesson before letting the teacher know why you were late at an appropriate time is absolutely fine in most schools. The schools where that would be a problem are the schools where they've had to lock the toilets during lessons due to vandalism and bad behaviour in there.

Still think it’s not the Teachers fault?

We don't know do we. We only have the child's side of the story. As said she could have been using improper sanitary products, or it could be the boy who cried wolf, maybe she is a regular trouble maker and piss taker.

We don't know enough to make judgments against the school especially as we don't have their side of the story.

Oh god is this still happening .
50 years ago I attended a grammar school in a town 17 miles from my country home. My family had no money ( well they did for some things) not for sanitary towels for me. I had very heavy painful periods . I walked nearly 3 miles to get the bus . By the time I got there I was soaked . I used to save my lunch money to buy a pad from the machine until it broke. The girls had to knock on the female staff room door and buy a pad . After I had done this a few times a teacher came out and told me off . She told me to buy a pack and stop knocking the door . She was cruel and I was humiliated . Boys were walking past and I was teased terribly . One day I " leaked " on the school bus and I got off with another girl . She pointed out my predicament loudly to the rest of the passengers . As I set out to walk the nearly 3 miles home a neighbour drew up in her car but I couldn't accept a lift . My thighs were raw when I got home. It wasn't the sort of home where you could complain to your mum... nor the sort of school where anyone would listen to a terrified girl . I had hoped teachers were more enlightened ... so sad

You really dislike teachers, OP. Your spite and bile is obvious.

And you really hate girls.
Wonderful. Now thats out of the way.

If parents taught their children acceptable behaviour then there wouldn't be a problem.

And how does one teach a period too behave?
Give it lines or detention?

I wonder what a teacher did to you to make you so bitter.

Stopped me going to the toilet so i leaked blood on to my clothes and chair. Which caused me so much shame and embarrassment i developed anxiety around bodily functions which still affects me 28 years later.

It's terrible that kids can't just think ''f*ck you, I need to go, so I'm going'' when they need the toilet or to be sick etc. Sadly, I was one of the kids too scared to even ask in case I got told ''no'' .. this was in the mid - 90s. Very sad. Wish people would raise kids to be stronger tbh.

You really dislike teachers, OP. Your spite and bile is obvious.

Just pondering this comment.

I have not once made a comment that is hateful towards any teacher. I have not used foul language or posted any bile.

What i have done is refuse to accept the excuses that girls dignity and privacy are taken away from them because some children misbehave. Thats it. No bile no hatred just refusal to accept such lazy excuses and question teachers motives and I am met with the above comment.

I think that comment says quite alot about the person who posted it.

As for employment as an adult. I have turned down jobs because of their batshit toilet policy. It's something I ask about either during a tour or at the interview. As an adult, I refuse to be having grief about my toilet use. It's a basic right to have access to the toilet not when someone else thinks you should go.

Wonder how many schools would suddenly find toilet use acceptable if Ofsted starting taking this into consideration with regards to the wellbeing of students.

We don't know do we. We only have the child's side of the story. As said she could have been using improper sanitary products, or it could be the boy who cried wolf, maybe she is a regular trouble maker and piss taker.

We don't know enough to make judgments against the school especially as we don't have their side of the story.

Bloody hell are you the Teacher from that school? You seem determined to blame the child for the fact the Teacher made her bleed all through her clothes again.

But no you are right she obviously thought, I know I’ll bleed all over my clothes again and then say the Teacher didn’t let me go to the toilet. Just to get him into trouble.

I think we have had enough examples of women bleeding through their clothes at school because Teachers wouldn’t let them go to the toilet, to realise that the girl isn’t making it up or a troublemaker!

Maybe you think all girls should just bleed through their clothes and shut up moaning about it.

Tinty

The contempt for girls and their silly totally their fault messy periods shown by some on here is breathtakingly shocking isn't it

Wonder how many schools would suddenly find toilet use acceptable if Ofsted starting taking this into consideration with regards to the wellbeing of students.

Actually I would say that Ofsted are a very big part of the problem. They judge schools harshly if they deem there to be a behaviour problem, they judge harshly if schools exclude too many students (or deal with bad behaviour, as asked for by posters here) they judge schools harshly if schools can't show enough progress - based on a number of factors including external exams but also school data, book looks etc. All of this means that the focus in schools has become proving to Ofsted that progress is being made continuously and that behaviour management is not an issue. This leads schools to take preventative action against bad behaviour wherever possible, because you don't want to risk a situation that could lead to exclusion and you also have to wring every last bit of learning out of every lesson.

Again, please explain how on earth teachers can a) determine the genuine pupils and b)supervise students in the toilets whilst teaching the other 29 students in the class at the other end of the school?

Say the student asking to go to the toilet is the one that everyone knows is likely to get into trouble? Does the teacher refuse? But what if they genuinely need to go? What if the teacher says no but then they bleed through? It's truly a no win situation. The only answer has to be through compromise and negotiation.

Sorry I had very heavy periods and as long as I went at every break time could manage a 1hour 10 min lesson.... what are these kids doing during break? Of course totally different if it starts in a lesson then maybe the pupil should approach the teacher for a quiet word so they understand the situation.... but really no different to when we were at school so why the fuss now..... we didn’t have our parents up in arms ... we had to learn to live in the real world after all you can’t run to the loo whenever you want at work

People must empower their daughters to insist on going to the toilet when they need to, firmly and politely. If they are refused they say they are sorry and go anyway.

Mine were heavy for pretty much the start. I remember once on break changing pad.. Then walking to oppos2end of school for lesson. And I'd leaked. So no I couldn't wait an hour.
I used to wear 2 pairs of lycra cycling type shorts under my trousers..
When my dd is of age where she will have periods. I will tell her just to go even if told no. I will not have her humiliated if she was to leak or anything