AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

[CosmicCanary]

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

Sorry I had very heavy periods and as long as I went at every break time could manage a 1hour 10 min lesson.... what are these kids doing during break? Of course totally different if it starts in a lesson

As many people have said previously, there are heavy periods and then there are rediculously heavy periods, your experience is not the same as every woman everywhere. Just because you could wait an hour and 10 minutes it doesn’t mean everyone can. If periods are so easily controlled why do women have hysterectomies?

And for your information my dd went every break, twice at lunchtime and still had to go twice during lessons, whilst having 9 day periods.

lisa You say you went EVERY break time. I had several break times when I was at school. The schools I work in have only one break and a 30 minute lunch. They don't have breaks in between every lesson. Students go from class to class

And for your information my dd went every break, twice at lunchtime and still had to go twice during lessons, whilst having 9 day periods.

Im sorry but in no way is needing to change twice an hour throughout the day in any way normal. That is excessive bleeding and if the GP won't act on it then it shouldn't be the school that you are directing your anger at.

areyoureallysaying

You sound like a lovely Teacher

cosmic

It is sad how many women (and men) have no idea how periods can be really bad for other women and so think they must be exaggerating the difficulties children can have at school trying to cope with them. And we haven’t even touched on the dd’s being in terrible pain, fainting or throwing up because of periods.

My best friend in school used to faint two or three times a week at school during her period. And another friend used to be regularly sick during her period. And yes they both had to go on the pill at the age of 11. But they both had to go through a years worth of this, with the Drs saying it will settle down before they could go on the pill.

I wonder if it is all about control and dominance? People love to be in power over others. I remember my incontinent late husband, 20 years older, had a similar accident in the dentist chair when his pad leaked. She made a point of mentioning it, but did not have to. All it takes is a wash with sanitizer but it was mentioned and we had to apologise for it. Similarly, when I stayed overnight in hospital with him behind the curtain, the night staff woke them up at 6am and one poor old man had wet his bed and the whole ward knew about it by shouting at him for doing it. That was 10 years ago and we are led to believe all is kindness and light. Incidentally, I went to an all girls school. I was very undeveloped yet the only bullying remarks I got were from teachers. In needlework class we were making petticoats and to demonstrate fitting the garment I was picked to stand on the table. The first thing she said was ''You don't need those darts; you have nothing to put in them''. It was so humiliating. I believe teachers still humiliate when they have the chance

Yes you are right it is excessive bleeding and my dd now has medication to help, She couldn’t take it from the first day of her first period though and it took a couple of months for us to realise how bad they were. Only two months though because, she had 4 periods in two months! but if you read my previous post you will see that my best friends had to suffer for a year before their Dr would put them on the pill. I think it doesn’t help if the dc start particularly young, they are not keen on putting 9 year olds on the pill.

I have said many times that my dds school were brilliant. So I am in no way angry with her school. I just feel that it is terrible that young girls have to suffer the indignity of bleeding through their clothes because a Teacher won’t let them go to the toilet.

Well I'm left feeling sorry for UK teachers, who apparently can do no right, but mostly for the OP's DD who seem to have an extremely overdramatic mother, who is apparently not in a position to inform them on how to use pads.
You either have a serious medical problem, in which case you need a doctor, or else you need a better pad. Some of the night ones are very absorbant. There is medication out there if you have periods so heavy that you cannot exercise your right to a proper education, such as Exacyl, which has nothing to do with contraception.

Yes lets blame the mother because her daughter was denied access to the toilet.
Lets blame the 11yo for using the wrong pad cos you know girls are born with the full knowledge of how her period will be and what pads work and what don't.

But lets not hold the 1 adult who decided to deny the 11 yo access to the bathroom responsible. I mean poor teacher its not their fault this stupid girl bled through her clothes...

@Charitybeginsathome

Teacher here.

I’m afraid it’s really rather irrespsonible to encourage your child to simply leave the classroom if they need the toilet - unless the school is an awful school, I guarantee that any pastoral leader will grant your child a toilet pass if you were to call and explain the situation.

I would imagine the negative attention brought on by simply leaving the room (which would undoubtedly cause a scene) is exactly what these girls want to avoid. Get them a toilet pass. If the school refuses, that’s another matter of course. I’d take it to the press.

Exacyl
Clinical experience with Tranexamic Acid Tablets in menorrhagic children under 15 years of age is not available. The indications and method of administration indicated above should be followed strictly: In case of haematuria of renal origin, there is a risk of mechanical anuria due to formation of a ureteral clot.

Sounds great.

I’m afraid it’s really rather irrespsonible to encourage your child to simply leave the classroom if they need the toilet

Anymore irresponsible than being the adult in charge and denying toilet access causing the child to bleed through their clothes?

I would imagine the negative attention brought on by simply leaving the room (which would undoubtedly cause a scene) is exactly what these girls want to avoid.

Would that really be worse than the whole class seeing you bleed on to your chair?

Get them a toilet pass. If the school refuses, that’s another matter of course. I’d take it to the press.

Why? Why should every girl in school need to have a toilet pass because they have periods. Why cant school just accept girls go there and girls have periods therefore they may need to use the bathroom sometimes during a lesson.

Tinty

Read potential complications for paracetamol, antibiotics, nurofen

Clinical experience with Tranexamic Acid Tablets in menorrhagic children under 15 years of age is not available. The indications and method of administration indicated above should be followed strictly: In case of haematuria of renal origin, there is a risk of mechanical anuria due to formation of a ureteral clot.
Most medications are not tested on children. That's no indication of anything.

The second point refers to the risk of developing a ureterial clot when treating haematuria (blood in urine) from a renal origin (the kidney) - completely irrelevant to the treatment of heavy periods.

someone tried to set fire to the toilets in my school.

it is trickyas some children go to the loo and are gone a very long time. some genuinely need to go.

Why cant school just accept girls go there and girls have periods therefore they may need to use the bathroom sometimes during a lesson.
Because some students abuse this. Endanger others. Vandalise property. Act the fool. Disrupt lessons.

Just imagine the school lets everyone go to the toilet whenever they want. Vandalism on a large scale is discovered in the toilets. School investigates and identifies all students who went to the toilet during the time frame - your daughter was one of them. Obviously your response is going to be welcoming of them having to interview her and conduct an investigation and view her with suspicion because she was there at the approx time that the damage occurred. Plus or minus the risk of the actual perpetrator threatening witnesses (your daughter included) not to grass them up. Obviously you wouldn't be up in arms with the school demanding to know why all of the students were allowed to roam around school unsupervised would you?

Quite frankly my DD would not be going to a school that had that sort of behaviour going on.
Children that behave in such away are bad children all day and their behaviour needs addressing.
Again punishing and removing the dignity of all because of the actions of a few is wrong and lazy.

I would have no trouble in DD being interviewed if there was an incident. She is a good student who would not cause damage or hit another pupil so nothing to fear.

Should she be attacked by another student while using the toilet then the police would be called. I would firmly lay the blame at the attackers feet and not because both the attacker and my child were allowed to use the toilet.

As i said before children are bullied and attacked at break time yet break time is not banned. Why not?
I see break time as less important than needing access to the toilet.

As i said before children are bullied and attacked at break time yet break time is not banned. Why not?
Because staff are supervising and are usually available to quickly intervene/identify perpetrators. The toilets are unsupervised and during lesson time staff are in class, apart from a couple of on call staff who may well be busy elsewhere.

It sounds like your daughter is in a fairly unique school, with no other badly behaved pupils. Presumably in that case this is not an issue for her as school clearly allows unrestricted access to the toilets during lesson time?

Weetabix

But you were the one suggesting medicating girls having periods as a solution to not letting them go to the toilet.

I know that many medications have risks. The ibruprofen and paracetamol I take says do not give to DC under 12. Helpful when you have an 11 year old DD in agony with her periods.

My point with the post about Exacyl is that it is not as easy as, just give them medication there are risks and side effects and some medication is not suitable or licensed for DC.

It sounds like your daughter is in a fairly unique school, with no other badly behaved pupils.

Where did I say that?

My DD goes to an inner city Academy with over 800 pupils. It is in the middle of an area that has a high anti social behaviour problem and is quite poor.
They have their fair share of bad behaviour from students.

Also the teachers do not supervise at break times. There are a few dotted about but not enough to keep an eye on so many pupils.
Most children who are bullied are bullied during break times, during lesson change over and after school plus social media these days.

If only 1 child at a time can leave that lesson then how will a child be bullied?
If their bully is in the same class they cannot leave until the 1st child returns. If their bully is in a different class then how will the bully know they have left lesson to use the bathroom and then be able to time it perfectly as to be there at the same time?

Tinty

No not medicating them as a solution to not going to the toilet. Medicating them to lessen the suffering that having periods so heavy that they bleed through a pad every hour, or more, have sudden flooding and heavy prolonged bleeding. Periods that heavy are not only going to mean a girl needs to go to the toilet often - that is going to impact on her physical health and disrupt her schooling. Our school had girls toilets at 1 end of the school, boys at the other. It was a 5 minute walk from the furthest classrooms to the toilets. Even with unrestricted access to the toilets that's a 10 minute round trip plus however long it takes actually in the toilet x 2 per hour in your example. That's getting on for half of every lesson spent going to the toilet. You don't think that will have an impact on their schooling?

If only 1 child at a time can leave that lesson then how will a child be bullied?
Because that is 1 child per class. Not 1 child in the school.

Plus only 1 child at a time - not all of the students who ask to go can go then can they because there's not enough time. What if 1 child who goes decides to go on walkabout and therefore no other children who need to go can go, under your system.

If the school does have behaviour issues then I don't see how you can say that Quite frankly my DD would not be going to a school that had that sort of behaviour going on

It will only take 1 or 2 problems for the school to be forced to stop students going to the toilet during lessons or to impose strict rules ie need passes etc which you refuse to countenance.

Because that is 1 child per class. Not 1 child in the school.

So you think a child is going to see another child in the bathroom and just beat them up? No reason just hit them.
Then that is a student problem not a toilet rule problem as a child that aggressive will be aggressive all the time and not just in the toilet. The child needs dealing with.

Plus only 1 child at a time - not all of the students who ask to go can go then can they because there's not enough time. What if 1 child who goes decides to go on walkabout and therefore no other children who need to go can go, under your system.

Then that child has lost the trust to be let out of lesson and will not be again. Make that child responsible for their actions. Do not punish the whole school.

If the school does have behaviour issues then I don't see how you can say thatQuite frankly my DD would not be going to a school that had that sort of behaviour going on

I think all schools have some level of badly behaved children. They are not trashing the toilets or beating each other up as you said in your post. If that was a daily occurrence then no DD would not be going there.

It will only take 1 or 2 problems for the school to be forced to stop students going to the toilet during lessons or to impose strict rules ie need passes etc which you refuse to countenance.

Schools are not forced though. That is clear as a few UK teachers have said their school has no such policy. Who will force the school to ban toilet access during lesson?
Yes I refuse the use of a toilet pass for a normal period. Why should school need to know about my DDs menstrual cycle? Would every parent of a girl need to contact the school each month to alert them?
Or would girls just have a pass all the time? If so then that means a vary large % of female pupils will have free access to the toilet all the time. This does not solve your bullying and vandalizing issue does it?

Crikey. No wonder children are growing up so entitled when their parents hold views like this. Whatever happened to supporting teachers? They know the children they spend hours and hours with each week and if one child asks every lesson, takes 15 minutes and then meanders back to class in time to write one sentence before the bell goes, then the teacher will know the pattern and deny them for their educational benefit. Equally, if it’s as desperate a situation as this news story, the teacher would likely sense they are in distress and use their professional training and discretion.

I appreciate some girls have awful periods but a quick email to the teacher solves this. Note in their medical record that they are allowed free use of the toilet, done.

In the very least, please support your child’s teachers in front of them. When you tell your child they can walk out of lessons you are undermining the school’s authority and all they are trying to do is educate your child to the best of their ability. Plus, you are giving your child the impression that they are more important than all others which makes them entitled and unpleasant. I appreciate this news story shouldn’t have happened but a talk to the school about these rules is way more appropriate than this arrogant attitude that seems far too common in this society.

Schools are forced to close toilets during lessons by their finances. If the toilets are vandalised, even once, that uses up money that the school would quite rightly prefer to use on learning resources. Toilets can be open at break and lunch because teachers can be positioned near the toilet area so they can at least hear any bad behaviour and intervene. That's realistically the only way to keep the toilets functional in some schools, my last school was one of those, the behaviour was appalling in the toilets and pupils would arrange to meet each other in there at specific times.