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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do your teenager's bedrooms look like this?

488 replies

thingersandfumbs · 14/01/2019 17:44

Just that really. My teenage DD lives in an utter shit pit.

So, aibu to care? For context, DP encountered our dog with a used sanitary towel in his mouth a few weeks ago, from DD's shit tip.

I'm no clean and tidy queen, I promise you that, but to me this is unacceptable. Aibu?

OP posts:
Davros · 15/01/2019 09:21

One thing about doing some of the tidying yourself is that at least they are letting you go in their room and not banning you to hide things. I think that can be quite important with teens.

PortiaCastis · 15/01/2019 09:55

Teens do not pay the mortgage so are unable to put a ban in place in a home that belongs to their Parents, hell would freeze over before I'd allow that nonsense

lilyheather1 · 15/01/2019 10:00

I used to be like this at that age, until one day when my mum had a go at me because when it came down to it, everything in my room she had bought for me and I was mistreating it and disrespecting it. I felt so awful that I generally kept my room much tidier after that. Clothes aren't cheap!

Believability · 15/01/2019 10:03

NO my teens room is not like that and I wouldn't have ever let it get to that point. My eldest is very tidy and his room is usually immaculate bar his inability to remove wet towels from the floor.

My 12 year old is messy but even she would never get her room into that kind of state, I simply wouldn't allow it before I went in there with a bin bag.

I have a strict no food upstairs rule and the only drinks allowed upstairs are water, no flexibility on this whatsoever. They don't even try.

Mummyshark2019 · 15/01/2019 10:04

It is not normal. Get her to go through all the crap and bin what she can do without. No food or drinks in the room rule.

Charles11 · 15/01/2019 10:05

I have a young teen and no way would I accept this level of filth. Yes, he’s messy and I can tolerate that and nag him to tidy up but that’s just disgusting.

LilQueenie · 15/01/2019 10:07

Either very lazy or has mental health issues. Used sanitary towels should be disposed off. utterly disgusting. I would chuck the lot before you are infested with maggots.

MamaTT · 15/01/2019 10:09

No that's making me squirm just looking at that pic. I'd be in there with a bin bag straight away.

MarshaBradyo · 15/01/2019 10:10

Not at all

wildbhoysmama · 15/01/2019 10:12

Absolutely disgusting and not normal at all. She should be ashamed of herself. My 2 teens would never dream of living in such a disgusting mess, they have more respect for themselves and me.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 15/01/2019 10:33

At 18, she has a choice about whether she lives with you, and you have a choice about whether to let her. (I know asking her to move out is not on the cards but I think she should start to look at her living situation in these terms - it IS a choice on both sides).
At 18, she also wants to be respected as an adult. She needs to start behaving as an adult. You show respect to get respect. She is currently behaving like a naughty child who won’t tidy up. You need to agree a set of ground rules which allow her autonomy without your home (and you) being disrespected.
My 18 year old has to tidy once a fortnight so that the room is of an acceptable standard for cleaning. We have professional cleaners (agency so not always same ones) but I will not have them treated disrespectfully). I wouldn’t dream of questioning whether her draws and wardrobe are tidy (and they aren’t) but the floor and all flat surfaces are tidy and ready for cleaning. What does your dd think is reasonable? Is it really her position that she should be able to treat your home like that? Can she not see that you will nevertheless be able to treat her as an adult in these circumstances?

beckyh2502 · 15/01/2019 10:34

I'd say that's pretty normal. I'm 24 and my room looked like this until I left home lol

Booboostwo · 15/01/2019 10:50

Ask her how she is going to cope when she moves out. Does she want other people, housemates or halls of residents mates, see her room in such a mess? Would that not embarrass her? She needs to decide to make a change, at 18 it is her responsibility how she lives her life.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/01/2019 10:51

I was a bit like this - minus the food and drink and dirty sanitary towels.

I had a friend whose room was like this - almost exactly. No depression or anything, just lazy and a bit of a minger. She’s now a very successful business woman, married with kids. No idea what her bedroom is like though!

Her mum just let her get on with it. Their house wasn’t disgusting but their bedrooms were on different floors.

She wasn’t the only one but she’s the one I remember the most. Most of us had clothes strewn everywhere.

CookPassBabtridge · 15/01/2019 10:52

No not normal, that is grim. We asked a lodger to leave as his bedroom was like this but the rubbish was a bit deeper. We had flies in the house and it stank.

LovingLola · 15/01/2019 10:56

I'd say that's pretty normal. I'm 24 and my room looked like this until I left home lol

Really? It's just so funny really. Lol.
Not!!!

Jolonglegs · 15/01/2019 10:59

DS was like this when he was younger, and it made life very difficult. He's ok now thank goodness.

flameycakes · 15/01/2019 11:06

I must be awful, I ended up charging my sons money out of their pocket money if I had to tidy their rooms. It was a last resort but it worked xxxx

Differentcorner · 15/01/2019 11:46

How old is she? That is hugely self neglectful to live in that mess. I’d offer to help her one final time to sort it out. Dues she have any mood struggles? Does she need help?

TheNoodlesIncident · 15/01/2019 11:50

I feel sorry for you OP, it must be so stressful knowing a space in your house is like that.

If I were you, I would be saying food upstairs must stop, because she doesn't clean up after herself. This is the problem, rather than its being an inappropriate place for food; it wouldn't matter if she ate a meal up there while studying, it's the failure to tidy up afterwards that's the real issue. So if she won't take the time to take dishes and leftovers, drinks cans and glasses back downstairs, she shouldn't eat up there.

I don't think any of my siblings had a messy room like that when we were teens - we didn't have a lot of stuff to start with, we were very badly off although the house wasn't small. My brothers used to share a room and when it got untidy and our mum complained about it, both boys would say "It's not me, it's him!" Once they got their own rooms, mum discovered one of them had been telling the truth, the other hadn't... Grin

I do think that level of mess indicates a lack of respect and consideration. Who changes sanitary protection out of the bathroom?! It's the appropriate place, hygiene wise. What if you, er, dripped or something? Bathrooms already have wipeable surfaces and products to clean up, it makes sense to do this in there...

(If I need DS to do something he doesn't want to, he is asked - then threats to block technology start. All technology either has a password he doesn't know, or we as parents have the ability to lock his devices from our phones. I wouldn't hesitate to turn off the internet if I had to, they need to learn that like it or not, some things just have to be done.)

Tellem2 · 15/01/2019 11:51

God forbid!!!! Don't be surprised if you find mice roaming around then. That's just disgusting

fessmess · 15/01/2019 11:55

My teens room is like this. However, she is starting to sort it out and it is much better. She didn't die.

mimibunz · 15/01/2019 11:56

I wouldn’t have been allowed to let my room get like that. It seems to speak of an untidy mind and no sense of balance within oneself.

SarahET · 15/01/2019 12:03

Charge her a little extra 'rent' to cover the cost of a professional cleaner periodically. If she left rented accommodation in this condition there would be financial consequences so it would be a valuable lesson. She can make the decision, tidy up after herself or pay for somebody else to do it.

LovingLola · 15/01/2019 12:03

How old is she? That is hugely self neglectful to live in that mess. I’d offer to help her one final time to sort it out. Dues she have any mood struggles? Does she need help?

She is 18.

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