Do your teenager's bedrooms look like this?

[thingersandfumbs]

Just that really. My teenage DD lives in an utter shit pit.

So, aibu to care? For context, DP encountered our dog with a used sanitary towel in his mouth a few weeks ago, from DD's shit tip.

I'm no clean and tidy queen, I promise you that, but to me this is unacceptable. Aibu?

In all seriousness though, it’s a bit much. Your daughter is obviously doing well in life.
Could you suggest that she either cleans it herself and maintains it, or, you’ll get a cleaner and foot her the bill? Get a very slow and thorough cleaner as they are often paid by the hour.

I was incredibly untidy as a teenager, but half empty cups, food wrappers etc, that’s just not acceptable.

Op, I think you need to do the deep clean day thing with yr daughter and get it straight first. Then moving forward you need to be more visible and present and go to her room daily and instruct her for want of a better word to sort it. It's a pain I know. At 18 she really should be trusted to do it but she clearly won't so you have to treat her like a younger child. I wonder if it's too overwhelming for her now? It's your home, your child and ultimately your responsibility. I am in my DC's rooms everyday day not only to over see cleaning but to check what they are upto. Making sure they are not hiding anything sinister, keeping safe etc. They are my kids and I am accountable for them. I think you need to do a bit more accountability with your daughter for now. To make sure she's ok if nothing else.

My room was rarely tidy growing up, well it was usually a riot lol. Clothes fling on the floor mixed in with clean and dirty stuff. The odd plate and glass.

It was never this bad 😮 My mum wld have got the black bin bag out and went mental. She was quite scary! I would also be doing the same with my own kid, no way would I put up with that!

If she gets pocket money that needs to stop till it's cleaned up. The used sanitary towel 🤢 that's just gross, that wld have been the final straw for me.

Holy fuck ... I hope that isn't a glimpse of the future

This thread has got me really worried as lots of people seem to think thats 'normal'!!! There is no way I'd want that in my home and no wonder you are at wits end OP. No teenager I ever knew/know now had/has a room like that at their parents house. I certainly didn't but then I shared a room with my sister - even two of us didn't make that much mess. I saw a few student rooms that bad but that was almost the bravado of who could have the worst room. The getting a cleaner and making her pay option sounds like a good one to me.

Yep horrendous op BUTTT.... mine was as bad as a teenager. I cringe to think now.

If she's studying, working and also giving you money then just help her with it and then crack the whip to keep on top of it

Gut it. Then march in there each day with a bin bag and work with her on it. Will take moments if you do it regularly

I don't understand why you can't work this out?

Alternatively just let her crack on and let it stay like that because you don't want to give in and sort it out

I wouldn't have that health hazard in my house

No way is that normal.
Generally, we don't allow food or drink upstairs at all. Where there have been exceptions they are expected to bring down plates, cups, etc at the latest the following morning.
If they rooms are untidy they are told to tidy them. Not asked, told. When they were younger we'd help and as they got older left them to it but would still 'inspect' them.
They're not perfect and DD1 is probably the worst but it's clothes and paper rubbish (doing graphics A level) that are the worst offenders. If the bathrooms are untidy I pile up the rubbish (usually recycling) in the doorway.
Personally, I'd help her get it sorted one more time and say they'll be regular inspections. My house, my rules. Don't like it? Happy to help you find somewhere else...

I've got a now 20yr old who used to leave her room like a shit tip and I overcame the problem by taking pics as you have and threatening to put them on my fb with her tagged, this seemed to work but the black bin bag is also a good move
Why should we put up with our homes being treated with such selfish disrespect.

Teenagers can be disgusting, I'm sure that I was, and my dc are. But I couldn't accept that in my house op, I just couldn't.

I'd have to go in the and help her to sort it out, then there'd be daily room inspections thereafter. Any complaints or backchat would result in grounding, removal of phone, and WiFi switched off.

End of day 10 minutes each day is all it takes to keep it in a reasonable state.

It worries me that you say she thinks you're a moaning bitch, does your daughter actually say that to you?

Shit I've just read that she's 18.

TOTALLY unacceptable, shape up or ship out.

How dare she leave a room in your home like that at EIGHTEEN!

I thought she was 13 or something.

The only way now is forward. Once room is deep cleaned can you both talk about what needs to happen to make her room into a space she likes and will take care of. No food or drinks in her room except water and NO exceptions. Buy her new bits for her room like duvet cover or throw etc. She needs to realise that to live with you she must keep a tidy and clean room. She could end up with mice In there. Black bin bag and bin anything dirty and lying on the floor. Her wardrobe and drawers should be organised. This is atrocious and unacceptable in your home. Reward her for keeping it nice. That might motivate her. You must follow through on good and bad behaviour.

That's WAY beyond normal/acceptable - it's a disgusting health hazard!! 🤢

That is gross! I don't think my teenage bedroom ever got into that state (and I was a slob at the best of times.)
My dad would've gone mental.

Put everything in black sacks and tell her to either clean the room or the stuff will go to the tip. Offer to help her this once; then it's her job to maintain it.

My DD is only small (and she already helps to keep her room clean!) but there's no way I would tolerate that. It seems disrespectful in a way.

Op would you say your daughter is overweight? And does she keep herself clean and tidy? I am just wondering if there is an underlying problem ( e.g depression/ anxiety/ low self esteem)

My DD was like this in her early teens until one day I found a used sanitary towel under her bed and nearly vomited.

If she wants to act like a irresponsible child OP then treat her like one- after said incident above I took all her makeup out of her bedroom for “hygiene” purposes- she was told if she was willing to do shit like that and leaving it lying around things she wanted to put her face then said items would be confiscated until she didn’t

She soon learnt.

It's really messy but there is no normal really is there. A lot of people are disgusted but a lot of people had equally messy rooms as a teen... So who's right?

Unless her room is attracting rodents, making the whole house smell or something bad, then I'd let her get on with it simply LOOKING messy. Nobody has any reason to be in the room other than her. Perhaps set a rule to shut the door so you don't have to see it at least.

I've got a teen and one at 23. I'm also disabled so don't touch their rooms. It's a matter of respecting their environment. Fucking hell that pit is beyond vile! The sanitary towel...I'm lost for words.

YANBU

At 18 she should be more responsible , it's a health hazard to all the family

The really annoying bit about this is after having looked at the pictures if she got a bin bag and chucked all the rubbish away she would probably have the rest of the place tidy in an hour or so by at least picking up and folding clothes etc, putting books away in the bookcase .

Can you give her an ultimatum to do it by a certain date then if it's not done you do it and charge her steeply for your time ?

DD (13) currently has used tissues strewn on her bedroom floor as she's had a cold...so the dreaded black rubbish bag has made an appearance!

You have to be firm, OP, and make her tidy up, do regular inspections as PP's have suggested.

I hate having to take a hard line on keeping the house tidy (I'm definitely not a neat freak myself ) but there are limits. Good luck!

Cannot stand 'this is how a teenagers room should look'....No it shouldn't!!! Respect your home and yourself and for the love of all that is decent, do some basic cleaning!!!! My 11 year old would put your teenager to shame, OP I feel for you!!!

You are not a moaning bitch and your DD needs to put into action the basic hygiene and cleaning methods I'm certain you have shown her.

Your space can still be your own minus the trampy pig-sty! OP I'd give a deadline to get it tidied or black bag and bin EVERYTHING that is not in its place. Your DD is showing you and your family home zero respect.

Nope, but they’d be grounded until they cleaned it up if it did!

Omg absolutely no. One would wonder how she'll learn anything from you allowing her to do this in your home.

YANBU

I don’t have teenagers yet so I can’t really say.

But I can say that my room as a teenager never ever looked like that and my Mum would have bit the roof if it got even remotely like that.

Strict policy of no food and drink in bedroom, you seriously need to talk to her about the sanitary towel, that is beyond disgusting. Does she have enough space to put things??