To not want DH to drop a day at work?

[Largepiecesofcrookedwood]

For background DH and I have an age gap, a shade over twenty years in fact
This has never hugely concerned me and we have been together and (mostly) happy for twelve years.
DH is now 67 and has today announced that he thinks he may as well drop a day a week. Currently he finishes early on that day anyway as we have a volunteering commitment, so in fact would be dropping between 5 and 6 hours.
In principle I don't have an issue with it, in practice DH has no pension (a problem for a whole other thread ) except his state provision and dropping a day would already swallow up around half of that income.
Financially we could afford it, but it then allows us much less leeway to save for the time that he cannot actually work, or will be impacting on our currently rather pleasant quality of life.
I think what is pissing me off is that I fully expect to have to work until at least my mid 70's if I'm still able and I have some small private pension provision as well. I get that times are different now and this is one of the hurdles with an age gap relationship, but I'm genuinely wondering whether I am BU and I should just cut him some slack, or he should just knuckle down for as long as possible?

In my opinion this is part of an issue that you have clearly been avoiding, ie the fact that both of you will age and die. The age gap alone means your husband will most likely die before you.

Please be kind to him and yourself. Have some honest conversations. Plan as much as you can and settle for a good life over what sounds like a well financed one.

Allow both of you the opportunity to enjoy your middle and later years instead of working till you drop xx

He's 67 and wants to drop a day ? And you have a problem with that ?
Good Lord.
You need to have a word with yourself.
He is not guaranteed a long life.
I'd be telling him to finish up altogether .

Some posters are saying he's close to retirement age. No. He IS retirement age, he's drawing his pension!

Op, It might be worth you both seeking some financial advice, trying to trace any pensions he may have, seeing if there was any settlement for "that big pension scandal" (I don't know what that is, you're allowed to be vague on here but I hope you and he are less vague on it irl). Try money saving expert, pension advice service, or an ifa.

I think you know, now, that you're going to have to adjust to the new financial circumstances you're in, with him having reduced his hours. It's a shame that it may mean a return to budgeting, but honestly if he's bringing home c£25k including state pension, and you're earning too, it doesn't sound as though you should be struggling...

on this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3477760-To-want-to-retire-sooner-rather-than-later

lot of posters are telling OP she should definitely retire if she wants to I think this is actually your DH's decision and if he feels he wants to drop a day or two at retirement age he just should, no one really gets to tell someone else what to do even in a marriage he has discussed it with you but you don't have a veto

FGS the man is a sniffs shy of 70. Cut him some slack. I’m only 44 and have no intention of working full time again. He’s much older and has probably had enough.

When I were a lad - etc etc, I lived on a big council estate that was very working class and most all the men there did work, hard physcial graft it was too in most all jobs and by the time they were 65 they were really physcial worn out their joints were shot to bits and they wer'nt fit for much else and retirment was a very welcome time and few lived much longer after that, some were aflicted by such as respiritory illnesses and the like.

Now a few months ago i was having a bit of a chat with some lorry and plant machine opertors out at a quarry in deepest Suffolk. They all were past retirement age! they had retired but had come back to work. One of them told me in their lovely burred Suffolk accent that;

"he'd a cum hom arter work and he'd hint with his misses and tell her what hi'd be a doing all the day and his wife h'd tell him what her day has'd bin like etc and that enjoyed theri time with each other".

However after retirement then'd it seems got under each others feet and started annoying each other and he had got a bit bored, all his words it really sounded all very sweet!

This was echoed by the other ones, one was I think around 72 or therabouts, thay all enjoyed working 'cos it give 'em summatt to do and get up in the morning for!

I'm 67 and should've retired a while ago but still enjoy running three companies I'd be bored out of my head doing nothing. Endless TV watching, at home playing Goldf going on too many hollidays seems pointless to me.

Aren't we suppoed to be retiuring at 70 before much longer anyway?.

What strikes me is you’ve had 12 years of your ‘rather pleasant lifestyle’ with this man who is 20 years older than you therefore 20 years closer to full retirement but haven’t addressed his lack of pension in that time. Maybe part of what funded your pleasant lifestyle should have gone toward funding at least some kind of pension? At some point we all have to scale back a bit approaching and then in retirement.

YABU as people get older they do get more tired. He has worked until retirement age and all he is wanting to do is drop one day each week. He could be wanting to stop working altogether. I doubt he would be asking if he felt well enough or not too tired to keep going. Wait until you get to 67 before making judgment. He is an adult and can make decision for himself.

Some posters are saying he's close to retirement age. No. He IS retirement age, he's drawing his pension!

So what has probably happened is he now gets his pension on top of his wages apart from whatever he is taxed because of still working and you see this as a nice little bonus to add to your luxurious life instead of thinking that his pension probably covers losing that extra 5 hours, unless he is in a really high paying job in which case, you should still be able to afford for him to reduce his hours.

Either you get a better paying job to cover the shortfall or just cut back on the luxuries.

He may only live 2 - 3 more years or he may live 20 - 30, either way your money will reduce over time. Start making plans now, don't presume he will be bringing home a good wage for much longer.

Gosh @Largepiecesofcrookedwood you are being very unreasonable. I also think you are being rather unkind and self centred

Yabvu. He's 67 and would normally have retired by now if the retirement age hadn't changed. Give him some slack! Some people die before reaching retirement so fgs cut him some slack! 5 hours a week isn't going to cut his income as much as you say I'm pretty sure! And if it does, then cut back on one outing or meal out a month. (rant over).

I would contact a pension provider and find out exactly where you stand as regards to his pension.

He's not old, he's 67, but if he wants to do less, then why shouldn't he? He's worked long enough. My DH is hoping to retire at 62 and I can't wait.

Yes - let him 'knuckle down for as long as possible' let him work until he drops dead eh!

Of course YABU.

What an excellent Cunning Plan OP.
Insure him heavily, make sure he works his arse off and encourage him to take on extra hours so he can make up his pension deficit even though losing his original pension wasn’t his fault.
Then when he keels over at 70, you get everything and can continue your rather nice lifestyle without the inconvenience of having to share.