To not want DH to drop a day at work?

[Largepiecesofcrookedwood]

For background DH and I have an age gap, a shade over twenty years in fact
This has never hugely concerned me and we have been together and (mostly) happy for twelve years.
DH is now 67 and has today announced that he thinks he may as well drop a day a week. Currently he finishes early on that day anyway as we have a volunteering commitment, so in fact would be dropping between 5 and 6 hours.
In principle I don't have an issue with it, in practice DH has no pension (a problem for a whole other thread ) except his state provision and dropping a day would already swallow up around half of that income.
Financially we could afford it, but it then allows us much less leeway to save for the time that he cannot actually work, or will be impacting on our currently rather pleasant quality of life.
I think what is pissing me off is that I fully expect to have to work until at least my mid 70's if I'm still able and I have some small private pension provision as well. I get that times are different now and this is one of the hurdles with an age gap relationship, but I'm genuinely wondering whether I am BU and I should just cut him some slack, or he should just knuckle down for as long as possible?

Your DP is at the age where slowing down is reasonable and part time work or no work to be expected.
you have no idea what your own health and energy levels will be in 20 years OP.
I understand that you don't want your quality of life impacted but this isn't your decision to make.

I don't think I've heard anything so selfish for a long time. Try thinking about your husbands needs a little bit more here rather than your own.
It's not like you're on the breadline by the sounds of it.
Do you value him more the more he can provide, does his value go down in your eyes if what he provides lessens. Because that's how you're coming across. You want more money? Get another job. This man needs to slow down, he's telling you he wants to slow down. Try listening instead of thinking of yourself. My own partner is much older than me, and it's one of the things you have to accept. People get tired after a lifetime of work, you do realise that surely.

Can’t you up your workload? You’re only 47?

My DH is 49 and working his proverbials off.....I would truly love nothing more than for him to cut a day of work. His own Dad has just died aged 77, a shock and sudden death ... it makes you realise OP that nothing lasts for ever and that sometimes time together with your loved ones is more important than money.

I’m not understanding why his income will half if he drops 5 hours ? He will have his SP paid in full then earnings over and above .
Also , I think you are being unrealistic. I dropped to 3 days when I turned 60 , fully intending to work till I turned SP age (66) but the last year has been so difficult and I have been exhausted, despite being in good health , so I retired at 64 just before Christmas. We have tweaked our outgoings to allow this .

You come across as really selfish. Perhaps get yourself a weekend job so he can actually fully retire before you work him into an early grave.

Surely it is his decision? Imagine if it was the other way round.

But he can't. Because he CHOSE not to provide for himself by paying into a pension

Nonsense. If he's getting the full state pension, that's £500 every 4 weeks. He appears to be a high earner so will be earning plenty over the remaining 4 days.

YABU

How does he not have a pension? Is he self employed?

Yes he should be able to drop at day at 67. But he can't. Because he CHOSE not to provide for himself by paying into a pension.

And OP chose to marry an older man knowing this.

He is happy to accept the drop in income. Despite op knowing the situation she chose to marry and stay in a relationship with him.

Who wants to still be working at 67?

Me

Without stating the bloody obvious, most people seek some independent financial advice before considering a major work change.....thought about this?

Cut him some slack. You are at the age when earning power, promotion opportunities and interest in work pretty much peak. He is at an age where most people are slowing down. At present your own government retirement age is 67 you can't know that you will have to or will be able to work into your seventies.

My husband and I are the same age. He retired at 57, I retired at 62. He had disc degeneration in a physical job and really couldn't go on any longer. Couldn't bear the benefits route after a lifetime of work so took his work pension early. I worked on for another 5 years. Of course taking his pension early impacted on our income and lifestyle but he really couldn't go on any longer. I had 5 more years of work and we were the same age ...of course in your situation you are going to be working long after your husband has stopped but he was in the workforce long before you. It will impact on finance of course, but with a 20 year age gap I can't see how it will work any other way ...at least he's only talking of one day. Gradually dropping hours is the best way to get used to less coming in so that it's not a big shock when he eventually fully retires.

Who wants to still be working at 67?
When I was a student I used to work with a few retired guys who had started to work part time because "it's better than sitting at home with my wife looking at each other all day"

OP is there potential for you to get a job/increase hours/look for higher paid work?

Have you got any children together? Has yiur husband ever supported you financially or with something you wanted to do?

If this isn't an option then there's loads of advice on mumsnet and other sites for how to reduce spending. You just need to cut your cloth accordingly. It doesn't sound like you'll struggle for money, just have a few less luxuries.

It's better to have a little less money but your husband to have his health surely?

Did the OP drop and run?

@JaneHare I don't think she liked what we all had to tell her.

He chose not to have a pension and now is willing to live his retirement off the pay packet of his much younger partner. Assuming he will continue to cut back on working, does he expect her to finance him as he made no provision for himself. So she pays for him in his old age as he spent all his money and she looks after him physically in his dottage while he will be long gone by the time she is old...what does she get out of the deal? There should be give and take. He seems to be the one who will be doing all the taking and she all the giving. I would think working full time for a few more years is the very least he could do.

So she pays for him in his old age as he spent all his money and she looks after him physically in his dottage while he will be long gone by the time she is old...what does she get out of the deal? There should be give and take. He seems to be the one who will be doing all the taking and she all the giving. I would think working full time for a few more years is the very least he could do.

Well whose house do they live in? Who is the higher earner?

You think he should work full time until he drops dead, because that is exactly what you are implying.

He is dropping 5 hours ffs.

Well whose house do they live in? Who is the higher earner?

I have no idea but as the man is 67 with ZERO pension I very much doubt he is either a high earner or has provided the house on his own. My point is 67 is not old. Who thinks 67 is old? And regardless of whether you think it is old or not, he still needs to finance his old age and not rely on his younger partner to finance it. Like I said, she pays for him in his old age as he spent all his money and she looks after him physically in his dottage while he will be long gone by the time she is old...what does she get out of the deal? Yes she knew she was marrying an older man but he also knew he was marrying a younger woman. SHe will have to accept that she will be looking after him in his dottage. He must therefore accept that he will need to work longer than he would other like, It is only fair.

Sorry OP, I think you're being entirely unreasonable.

He gets a state pension - so c£8k pa. You sound irritated that he has no other pension, yet have been together for 12 years (when you could have encouraged him to save for retirement).

You say that dropping a day would already swallow up around half of that income - so dropping 6 hours a week will cost him c£4k pa so he must be earning c £25k pa (dropping to c£21k pa) plus the £8k pension.
I can see that it might be hard to set aside significant savings from that or live a life of huge luxury - but that also depends on your (joint) lifestyle, mortgage etc (if he's 67 has he paid one off?).

If he's healthy enough to work 4/4.5 days a week, plus volunteer at 67, I think he's right to want to preserve his health and energy for what he wants to do, rather than work himself to the bone.

•sollyfromsurrey• I suspect you are probably the OP.

Op are you not coming back!!

sollyfromsurrey she knew she was marrying an older man with no pension provision. A man who is that much older than her, will retire before her. That she must have expected to support him when he reached retirement.

She knew. She made the choice to marry him.

Sorry all, I just had something of an issue, didn't mean to skip out on the thread
In answer to several points, yes I realised DH would likely retire/ die before me. The pension thing didn't really cross my mind as I sort of assumed that people automatically take care of these things- he says he had paid in but had lost a lot. I'm not sure if lack of a pension is a reason not to marry someone, or if that potentially falls into gold digger territory. Either way it's a bit late to do much about it now.
I work full time and would have scope to move up the scale in a year or so. This was always the plan in any case, though it will involve a move back to night shifts so isn't without a sacrifice on my part.
The state pension he claims is what we will lose half of if he drops the day. Currently we're trying to save it for the time he can't work, that won't be so easy but we can still get by.
I currently do the bulk of the housework, dog walking, household admin etc and I can't really see that changing. Again I accepted that would be how it was and it seemed a fair trade for DH continuing to work. Perhaps I'll see a new side to him and he will develop a fascination with ironing and mopping floors
I asked if I was being unreasonable as I couldn't decide and it seems people think I am though I did say in principal I had no issue with it

Sorry OP but I don’t understand why you are saying he would lose half his SP.