That my friend left my party because there were children there

[Pennies]

We had a big BBQ at the weekend - 40 adults plus about 20 kids. It was an afternoon BBQ and on the invite there was a bit abut how we were organising a face painter to come for the children.

Anyway my mate and her DH were coming from a long way off and were going to stay the night. They don't have kids. I was really looking forward to seeing her as I've not seen her for ages.

Anyway, he looked totally disinterested from the moment he got here and played with his phone most of the time he was there and she eventually said they were going home and made some excuse which I took at face value and was generally fine about it but a bit sad that we wouldn't get more time to catch up.

Today I picked up a message from my friend on my mobile saying that the reason they left was because he didn't want to be there because there were kids at the party.

So, I AIBU for being p'd off with her for telling me the real reason - I preferred the lie to be honest.

Also, AIBU to think that the fact that he should have realised that as i've got 2 kids myself there might well be some other children esp as it blardy well said so on the invites.

I'm really p'd off and I sort of want her to know how I feel but I'm not sure it would serve a purpose. How can I tell her how I feel without slagging her DH off?

Yes icod and (taboo warning here) sometimes friends you really really like have intolerable, horrible children!

Pennies, sure your dc and those of your friends all delightful cherubs.

There might be a reason we don't know. I will always remember the christening party we went to with my ex husband days after I miscarried. Everyone there had 2 or 3 babies or toddlers and my ex was god father and I still bleeding from the miscarriage and had no babies.

Yes, to echo Xenia: there have been times in my life when I found child-packed occasions very difficult. One of my friends walked out of DD1's first birthday do, finding it all too much - the place was wall to wall children - and no, it hasn't affected our friendship, and I am delighted that she's now expecting her first baby.

He sounds terrible rude. The invote said children would be there. He could have just not come. No excuse.

We'd accepted our and the godfather role before we'd known I would have miscarried and I wanted to carry on regardless but it was very hard. But it sounds more on this example that it was a difficult man she's having to apologise for which is fairly common and not nice.

Elasticwoman, of course mine are cherubs. Aren't yours? .

If it is a problem to do with the fact that they may be trying for children and having a hard time then of course I would understand... to a certain extent. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have already been treated along these lines by someone who's resentment and anger at the fact that I had children when she didn't (NB - she has now had a baby) destroyed not only our friendship but also many of her other friendships and, ultimately, her own marriage. I'm not sure I can handle that again.

FWIW tho I don't think that is the actual problem here. It might possibly be a contributory factor but he's always had knobhead tendancies so I suspect that's the bottom line here.

Xenia - I'm sorry you had that hideous experience. That would be a very difficut situaion for anyone to bear. You're not wrong about the "difficult man" - what a lovely phrase with soooo many meanings!

It was over 22 years ago. I hadn't really thought about it until today and then soon I was pregnant again. I suppose I could have said to my husband he should go alone.

Sorry I've got no sympathy at all for people who are outraged and perturbed by the fact that children exist and might actually be in the same space as them sometimes.

Particularly when they are forwarned.

But the fact that she told you the real reason might be her way of telling you she wants to talk to you about some kind of problem with her DH. Maybe they're having problems conceiving, maybe she wants kids, he doesn't... could be any number of things going on there, but it looks like she wants to talk to you about it.

Well, I called her. It would seem that there was no other reason. At all. In fact she all but changed her story back to her original one (that he had some work to do) and interspersed it with a few references to him not liking children.

It's fair to day I was / am more than totally f*ed of with the pair of them. I pointed out the irony of the siutation given that in the brief time that they graced the party we chatted (read: bitched) about the wife of a mutual friend who behaves in much the same way. I'm hoping she got the hint.

We left it in a we-must-meet-up-one-weekend-in-town-for-a-girly-lunch kind of thing but to be honest, it's not going to be me that arranges that one.