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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my friend left my party because there were children there

60 replies

Pennies · 29/06/2007 18:00

We had a big BBQ at the weekend - 40 adults plus about 20 kids. It was an afternoon BBQ and on the invite there was a bit abut how we were organising a face painter to come for the children.

Anyway my mate and her DH were coming from a long way off and were going to stay the night. They don't have kids. I was really looking forward to seeing her as I've not seen her for ages.

Anyway, he looked totally disinterested from the moment he got here and played with his phone most of the time he was there and she eventually said they were going home and made some excuse which I took at face value and was generally fine about it but a bit sad that we wouldn't get more time to catch up.

Today I picked up a message from my friend on my mobile saying that the reason they left was because he didn't want to be there because there were kids at the party.

So, I AIBU for being p'd off with her for telling me the real reason - I preferred the lie to be honest.

Also, AIBU to think that the fact that he should have realised that as i've got 2 kids myself there might well be some other children esp as it blardy well said so on the invites.

I'm really p'd off and I sort of want her to know how I feel but I'm not sure it would serve a purpose. How can I tell her how I feel without slagging her DH off?

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 29/06/2007 18:02

I'd leave it.

She'll need you around as a shoulder to cry on when she wakes up and sees her DH for what he really is.

alipiggie · 29/06/2007 18:03

My gut feeling is that her DH gave her a hard time about coming to the party and she insisted as she wanted to see you, hence his reaction when he got there. My H used to be like that too if he didn't want to go somewhere. My suggestion would be not to be p'd off with her but to feel sorry for her instead and try and arrange a get together just for the two of you.

hockeypuck · 29/06/2007 18:03

Can you text her and ask her why having children there was a problem for her?

It might be that she was suffering a miscarriage or was unsuccessful in trying for children or something and it was just too painful for her.

alipiggie · 29/06/2007 18:04

hockeypuck it was the friend it was her H that had the problems with kids being there !

alipiggie · 29/06/2007 18:04

Wasn't the friend even .

potoftea · 29/06/2007 18:05

Well she has now been honest with you and told you the real reason they left, so I would think you can be honest in reply and tell her how disappointed you feel.

It was rude of him (and her) to leave, we've all been fed up at social occasions at times, but good manners dictate you honour your committment.

I feel there is more to this than it appears; it was obvious there would be children there, he didn't make any effort to get along with things, and then behaved very childishly wanting to leave. Maybe there are problems between them.

NKF · 29/06/2007 18:06

Are they trying for children and it makes them sad to see other people's kids? Because if it's not that, then he's very rude and she sounds as if she's under his thumb.

Califrog · 29/06/2007 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoooosh · 29/06/2007 18:08

Pennies-did you use the caterers in the end?
How were they-am looking at them for a future event.

Original poster
Pennies · 29/06/2007 18:10

They were OK - but only OK. I emailed you the other day but it got bounced back - you still on for a meet up?

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 29/06/2007 18:17

he played with his phone the whole time he was there, but he's complaining about kids being there??

it sounds like he was in good company TBH.

NoodleStroodle · 29/06/2007 18:19

Ignore him and let it go.
Just next time you invite them remind them that you have DC!

Dior · 29/06/2007 18:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Pennies · 29/06/2007 18:22

He's always been a tosser. We all used to work together and despite numerous incidents to indicate the true level of his fcukwittedness she still married him. I guess HumpreysCushion is spot on.

OP posts:
teafortwoandtwofortea · 29/06/2007 18:23

Agree with Dior and others, perhaps they hare having issues you don't know about, whether it be due to problems having kids or just him being a huge PITA.

Forget texts (hate 'em!), pickup the phone and see how she is.

Original poster
Pennies · 29/06/2007 18:24

Dior - shame that your DH does this too - why doesn't he just stay at home then?

I've got another mate who's DH is cut from the same cloth and he just never turns up - it's turned into something of a joke now rather than this bone of contention that has now arisen in this case.

OP posts:
satine · 29/06/2007 18:29

The DH sounds like a complete tw*t. Why couldn't he have just talked to the grown ups? I doubt anyone was pressuring him to take the lead in a rousing chorus of The Wheels on The Bus.

IME, these parties usually end up with the kids playing, the mums chatting and keeping an eye on the kids and the dads in a group drinking beers and talking footie or cars or their testicles or whatever it is they like to discuss. So it's not a big deal, I wouldn't think, for someone who didn't like children. I think he didn't want to be atthe party for other reasons too. Poor wife.

Dior · 29/06/2007 18:30

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Pennies · 29/06/2007 18:34

That must be very hard for you Dior.

Satine - that's exactly how it was - there was a face painter and blardy great big bouncy castle as well so the kids were totally occupied. It's hardly as if they were tugging at his shirt sleeves asking them to entertain them.

OP posts:
Dior · 29/06/2007 18:35

Message withdrawn

Whoooosh · 29/06/2007 18:36

Def up for a meet up-sorry it was bounced-will CAT again with phone number...

happyinbluejeans · 29/06/2007 20:21

what a tosser, sounds like he is using the kids as an excuse and he just couldnt cope with talking to her friends, my dh is a bit of an antisocial twonk but he is at least polite to everyone, well mostly. YANBU but you should think about what a hellish existance she may be putting up with

nightowl · 29/06/2007 20:41

i think your friend probably feels stuck in the middle and maybe that's why she told you the real reason they left. maybe she didn't want you to think it was a lack of interest on her part.

bookwormmum · 29/06/2007 20:43

He sounds like a bit of an arse but it's your friend I feel sorry for. Imagine having to apologise for him everytime you see someone .

CantSleepWontSleep · 29/06/2007 20:50

Can I join in your meet up?! I still haven't sorted out my CAT Pennies (got to the screen the other day but was too lazy to get up to get a credit card ), so can you e-mail me on icklemiracles at gmail dot com (I'll give you a 'normal' email account then, but don't want to post name on here).

Sorry to hear that your friend is married to a miserable tosser!