To be sick of DH not working?

[Withasideofbeans]

Hi all. Just wanted to see what peoples opinions were on my current situation.

Me and DH have been together for 13 years, and have 1 DC aged 7. DH lost his job 4 months ago. The way he was dismissed was shit and the company were terrible, but I can’t honestly blame them for what they did as DH had form for pulling sickies very frequently.
Since he’s lost his job he has made a half arsed attempt at looking for another job, but still hasn’t found anything. I’ve had to pick up all the overtime I can get to cover the bills, but money is still very tight (we’re around £1300 a month down still). Over Christmas I’ve been very poorly, but haven’t been able to call in sick as I can’t afford to. This in itself had annoyed me. I’ve had to sit in work for 10 hours feeling like death and potentially making others ill all because if I did call in sick I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. Every penny is accounted for.
Meanwhile, DH spends his days on his phone, playing on computer games and napping. I’ll ask him to make sure DCs homework is done and to bath DC, only to come home and have excuse after excuse of why he hasn’t done it.
I asked him to get up with DC yesterday so I could have a lie in, and he replied “why should I have to? What are you doing?”. It seems like he still expects everything to be equal and how it was when he was working, but the reality is I’m the sole earner now and still doing 100% of the housework and making sure DC is sorted for school.
I work nights, and DH doesn’t even bother making DCs lunch for school! This means that after a 9 hour night shift I have to come home at 3am and faff around making lunch, and then get up again at 7am with DC for school. On top of this he still expects sex whenever he wants, and doesn’t understand why I don’t want to. Would you want to have sex with someone where the relationship feels like mother and son?

I feel like I’m being taken for an absolute mug. I was understanding to begin with, and told him to take his time and find a job he’d stick with and would enjoy. But now it seems like he’s gotten comfortable and expects me to run around like a twat. It feels like I’m a single parent, and I’m starting to wonder what’s the point in him being there? To be brutally honest all he is now is a glorified babysitter.

I’m sorry if this is all over the place, I’m just trying to get all of the details out there in the first post. Feeling very sorry for myself and sick of my life at the minute.

Replace him with an aupair. She'd eat less and you don't have to shag her.

He'd have to get a job without a spouse to support him and the maintenance payments would likely cover the cost of an au pair.
I know loads of au pairs who'd bite your hand off for overnights

Maintenance from the sort of person who has a work ethic like OP's husband would be aorun 13% of the minimum wage - about £25 a week. IF he doesn't develop a bad back.

Replace him with an aupair. She'd eat less and you don't have to shag her.

Haha 😂
Omg. But it is true.

Apparently he can’t even babysit.

YANBU. Don't do a thing for him.

But you should make a list of things that he must do when he's at home. Give him a set amount of time to turn this around (a month, two months, whatever you decide), and meanwhile look around for a day job. Is that possible? Or can you shift your hours so that you are home at night? Is there family around to help you temporarily?

Meanwhile, document, document, document. What's he really doing with his days? What do you still have to do when you get home from work? Does he accomplish anything on his daily list? How long is he playing computer games per day?

He wants to behave like a child? Then he'll be treated like one.

It might also be a good idea, as others have suggested, to consult legal help.

Because you know where this is going. He will never change. He's a free loader. Make no mistake: You're a single parent with two children. Once you ditch that 180 (American) pound load, your burden should be lighter.

He'd have to get a job without a spouse to support him and the maintenance payments would likely cover the cost of an au pair.

Haahaa! This guy will never get a job and pay maintenance equivalent to cover the cost of an au pair, especially as the OP will need to rent a larger place to house the au pair, she has no spare room at present.

OP can you speak to work and see if you can swap your night shifts to daytime work in the same place? If not then could you find a similar job elsewhere but do say shifts instead? It’s not nice that you have to leave a job you like- actually very unfair but for the sake of getting rid of your DP who you seem very fed up with it seems like the only option? It doesn’t seem like you’re going to be any worse off if he’s not contributing at all right now?

He needs to get out and prove that he can be a good dad and earn a decent wage before being a part of your household and making you miserable!

Maybe you could look for cheaper accommodation or a lodger to take some of the financial strain off you? There’s also some help you can get for being a single mum, but that said if your DC are in school I’m not how much.

Seems like you’re going to have to do a lot of uprooting/changing round your life for the sake of getting him out but in the long run you will be happier....

Your DD does sound very anxious - I wonder if she's picking up on how unhappy you are, and is worrying that one day you will go out to work and not come back?

Or even if your "D"H is dripping some sort of poison into her little ears.

He sounds like a man child