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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 13/01/2019 06:52

These threads always make me laugh.

People who want to pay for what they had aren't tight. People who "can't bear it" when others want to pay for what they had are free loaders.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 13/01/2019 06:53

Personally, I feel if you can't afford to split the bill / don't want to, you should ask the server for your own bill at the start. I hate the 'oh you had the x and I had the y' conversations at the end of the meal.

No problem paying for what you had only, just make it clear at the beginning, you can have your own bill and there are no issues.

CustardCreamLover · 13/01/2019 06:55

You are being unreasonable drinking tap water in a restaurant. Order bloody mineral water and be done with it!

Racecardriver · 13/01/2019 06:57

If you must split the bill at least do it evenly,

Lifeofsmiley · 13/01/2019 07:00

Exactly hunter, and people on a lower income should never go out.

MichaelJustineDamian · 13/01/2019 07:02

I think everybody has their own opinion on this. I don't drink. I get very, very fed up "splitting the bill evenly". YANBU!

thecatsthecats · 13/01/2019 07:02

When I was 16 I went for a meal with friends at a restaurant one girl worked at.

She had 3 courses including the steak, and at the end loudly proclaimed she would be embarrassed if we didn't split the bill and add a 20% tip.

One poor girl had been given exactly £15 by her very strict father and was fretting quietly about what to do as she'd eaten to her budget (incidentally she was so painfully thin that we suspected abuse/neglect at home).

I had to equally loudly state that we'd pay our own way, and put down my money. That glower has come in useful! The loud girl spent £35, by the way, and the split was £25, so she was basically lifting a tender from the other girl - a big deal those days.

Nowadays I tend to be anti splitting the bill because I'm the greediest and often the best off.

Oblomov19 · 13/01/2019 07:05

These threads are weird because they show what a variety of different viewpoints people have.

MissingGeorgeMichael · 13/01/2019 07:23

YABU. If you only wanted to pay for what you had, then you should have said so clearly before the meal began.

sandgrown · 13/01/2019 07:27

Like some previous posters I had a period in my life when I was very skint. I was a single parent and really looked forward to an odd night out. My friends knew my situation and never bothered if I just paid my own bill. I would drive to save money but would give lifts so they often paid for my soft drinks .

StoppinBy · 13/01/2019 07:51

YANBU in my opinion, my husband is a non drinker, always has been, I haven't drunk for years because of B/F, I would not be impressed to be expected to subsidise others.

Also that kind of thinking (evenly splitting) doesn't make it very easy on people who would go out and order the cheapest item on the menu so they can afford to spend the night with friends and family.

Yulebealrite · 13/01/2019 07:54

I fully expect to be paying over the odds when our children are grown up and in that sort of situation, as that's what has happened in my young adult life with my/our parents.
Unless money is very tight for you, yabu.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 13/01/2019 07:55

Always split between the guests evenly unless it's someone's birthday, then you cover them.

I can't stand the pickers who go through the bill picking out their things. If you want to only pay for your stuff, then when ordering, you can ask for a sperate bill for your orders.

E20mom · 13/01/2019 07:59

YABU. If you're not happy to just split the bill then I wouldn't go on the meal. It ruins it when someone gets all funny about the bill at the blend.

E20mom · 13/01/2019 08:00

*end

Canibuildasnowman · 13/01/2019 08:01

YAbu , it’s a pain to split bills accurately and unless there was a HUGE difference there’s no need to. Maybe next time you’ll get the extra coffee or glass of wine...

BlueEyedPersephone · 13/01/2019 08:04

Good manners on every bodies part, is to notice if anyone is not drinking paid for drinks, therefore ask for the bills to be food and drink separately and then do the even split, so in this case food/6 and drink/4. This is not petty or penny pinching, this is good manners when out with friends.
When out with family this may be different due to family dynamics but the principle when ppl are drinking significantly different drinks is fair.

Rezie · 13/01/2019 08:04

When I moved to the UK this was a bug culture shock. Where I'm from, the waiter always asks "together or separate?" When getting the bill. This system with one bill really pisses me off.

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/01/2019 08:07

I cant bear this 'who had what' scenario in restaurants. Generally I go out with friends and sometimes my meal costs more and sometimes theirs does. Making a big issue of cost at the end just ruins the evening. If someone I knew was like that, I would not be going out with them - end of

AdoreTheBeach · 13/01/2019 08:13

Just to be clear, situation here is family. In particular including daughter and SIL Not a group of friends. To me this makes a big difference.

If it were a group of friends, someone asks for separate bill, fair enough. No issue there

If the OP is on fixed budget, in this scenario should let daughter know in advance to avoid embarrassment. Ideally in this situation (if not skint), I would’ve split the bill with son in law’s parents. If the alcohol portion annoyed me, speak to your daughter separately for future.

I’m sure the lack of booze during meal was noted. That’s likely why daughter suggested six way split.

WizardOfToss · 13/01/2019 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soontobe60 · 13/01/2019 08:27

Maybe the others thought your drinks before the meal were on the bill.
If we go out with my younger DD and her OH, we pay as they have no spare money. If we go with eldest DD and OH, we either split or they pay. They earn much more than us, but as parents we like to treat them. With friends, if it was a big group we would ask for separate bills at the beginning and put all food and drinks on our own bills. If a small group, we would pay for drinks separately and split the food.
When we were younger with little spare cash we just paid for ourselves when we went out to eat.
You have to read each situation appropriately. What you shouldn't have to do is feel embarrassed about only paying for your own food if money is tight.
So in this instance, YABU because you're moaning about something that you could have done differently if you wanted, but chose not to.

IamIwas · 13/01/2019 08:29

I think the drinkers should have offered to pay for the alcohol. However if it was a one off you just have to suck it up.

I go out regularly with a large group and we all get our drinks at the bar or order and pay separately to save this situation.

londonrach · 13/01/2019 08:30

Normally i say yanbu but this is family and your dd so close family so yabu

QuilliamCakespeare · 13/01/2019 08:31

Never bothered doing it with family but if there are non-drinkers when out with friends we split food and drinks separately. Seeing as you had alcohol when you arrived though I think you need to just get on with it. Maybe order a could of soft drinks or sparkling water (if that's your preference) for yourself next time!