AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

[SaucySpider]

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

An even split 2 ways/4 ways/6 ways whatever - always saves fuss and any nit-picky festering resentments.

If you're going to dig out the calculator and start the "well I only had Marmite butties and Tizer but you had the Beef Wellington with Crystal champagne......" routine then please stay at home and telephone for a pizza!

In the future op, just ask to have your ordered meal drinks put on a seperate bill at the start.

I hate splitting the bill as someone always ends up paying for more than they had.

However you were out with your daughter, her husband and the in laws! Do you begrudge buying your daughter and son in law a drink??

You would really look tight and petty if you were to say something and you'd really embarrass your daughter.

Next time get a few drinks in too so you don't feel hard done by, or don't go out.

As parent's it would have been a lovely gesture if you had offered to treat everyone so the reitred couple should have paid for everyone on what was a general meal out simply because they're a parent and regardless of the fact that the "children" work?
Perhaps the working children should have offered to pay for their respective parents instead.

OP I'm with you. 6 way split for meals, 4 way for alcohol. Easy maths, sorted

Our meal cost was only about £12 each and we ended up paying £21 each plus our initial cost of drinks at nearly £6 so a total of £24 each for one course

Spelled out like that, it's pretty clear that you lost out quite seriously. And someone who WAS drinking alcohol should have spoken up and pointed out that the drinks consumption wasn't balanced.

Make it clearer next time; and you can ask for the food and drinks bills to be kept separate so it's easy to see who's had what.

If I went out with prospective in-laws of my dc (I know in OP they are married) and the in-laws were quibbling about a few extra drinks, I'd think they were a couple of miserly, miserable curmudgeons and I'd be worried that my dc was marrying into a family with such horrible skinflint killjoy genes.

Even if you are flat broke you can suck up the cost and then eat beans the following week.

This is not a case of friends feasting on lobster thermidor and champagne whilst someone else has a side salad and tap water, this is an In-law situation involving some drinks.

Even if you are flat broke you can suck up the cost and then eat beans the following week
Yes OP, the only thing that matters is appearances. Don't let the Mrs Bucket's know you don't have endless wealth to splurge.

In the real world if you're drinking, so are the other couple and the third couple isn't, you suggest splitting the food and drink bills seperately.

OP doesn't say how long the "kids" have been married but if she's retired, say 65 and the daughter is quite reasonably 40 then these people have been extended family for potentially several decades, not meet the daughters boyfriends parents for the first time.

Our meal cost was only about £12 each and we ended up paying £21 each plus our initial cost of drinks at nearly £6 so a total of £24 each for one course
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Yikes. I'd be annoyed too if we ended up paying double the money for a meal. That's not just a few pounds. Going from paying about £24 for you both to paying £48 because you split it with two other couples is ridiculous. I wouldn't have agreed to that if I saw it. I wouldn't expect or feel comfortable with anyone paying more when they had less, especially at that cost. I don't care how anyone would look at me.

But it wasn't just two other couples it was their daughter and son in law and his parents. Yes it's annoying to pay more if you didn't eat it but to be so pissed of about that you post a thread on here when it was your own child in the group says a lot imo.

Where did she say she was pissed? She said she felt a bit cheated and asked for opinions. Have you never wondered about something and thought to ask advice from a third party?

You could also say that because they’re family they should have paid for what they ordered. I wouldn’t expect them or want family (or anyone) to pay more than they have to because we chose to get more. That’s not fair, family or not especially at that amount.

Where did she say she was pissed? She said she felt a bit cheated and asked for opinions. Have you never wondered about something and thought to ask advice from a third party?

Yep you're right she didn't say she was pissed off.

However the other opinions are typically either suck it up or split the bill. What else is there to say.
This was her daughter that she's miffed about spending some extra money on. Unless there is a backstory we don't know about them op is being petty imo.

Why should anyone have to subsidize the meals,drinks and desserts of glommers who KNOW they are getting over on other dinner guests. Separate checks if possible, buy your own extras and stop being a parasite by taking advantage of your dinner companions

Why should anyone have to subsidize the meals,drinks and desserts of glommers who KNOW they are getting over on other dinner guests. Separate checks if possible, buy your own extras and stop being a parasite by taking advantage of your dinner companions
My lord ! They had at most 2 glasses of
Wine and a coffee each

Hardly parasitic

You’d really hate my alky mate who keeps on ordering wine ! I just stop her now and pretend it’s cos I care for her wellbeing

I think it is called "gastronomics".

To be honest, unless you are on a very strict budget, I would suck it up.

In future you could suggest separate billing and make that clear to the waiting staff at the beginning of your meal.

I can't believe this thread is still going on. Hasn't the op got over it by now? That sort of thing happens, stop being so flipping mean and suck it up, they are family.

Why should anyone have to subsidize the meals,drinks and desserts of glommers who KNOW they are getting over on other dinner guests. Separate checks if possible, buy your own extras and stop being a parasite by taking advantage of your dinner companions

Wow! I bet you don't socialise much!

. Just trying (mostly in vain) to point out that this is a situation with family/in-laws and not general friends. That makes a big difference.

Me and OH don't drink at all, so I very often feel we come out worse when spliting the bill, however we never say anything. I am lucky if the bill gets split as my OH usually offers to pay, a favour rarely returned may I add. I feel, as others have said, that it should be the people raking out the bill that should notice and say something about them covering more of it.

I did once go out with old uni people and between 6 of us they had about 2-3 bottles of wine so when the bill came I did ask if I can just pay for my pasta dish, they seemed ok with it? My OH is much better behaved and even puts money in the kitty jar on nights out, there is no way I am doing that when my spend is two cokes for the whole night ( I can't down a soft drink for every alchoolic drink someone has).

In OP's case, I would never bring it up as it was with family, nor would I mind it, but I guess you can't help but do the maths in your mind.

YANBU. I'm happy to split a meal bill despite what I've had but as a non drinker, when a meal turns into a really boozy affair it really does rack up the costs. Most people I go out with will realise non drinkers shouldn't have to foot that bill.

Irma but OP was just having a bit of a rant about the disparity. Your 'horrible, skinflint genes' wasn't necessary and just came across as mean.

cushioncovers and Charlie, I'm glad you got the point even if you couldn't comprehend OP's posts...

I'm sorry (not sorry!) but if I thought my in-laws or even parents were chuntering about having to pay for two drinks and coffees I'd be very, very disappointed.

As I have said - again and again and again and again - an unfair splitting of bill with a bunch of friends or whoever on a night out with big steaks and alcs going down - is a very different matter.

Irma exactly