My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:
Report
ImJustTiredOk · 13/01/2019 01:42

Wow. Just wow. Some of the responses on here are astounding. So if you can’t afford to effectively pay for someone else’s dinner or drinks then you shouldnt go out? I can’t believe there are people who think like this. I’ve been on a stupidly tight budget in the past and had to say sorry I can’t split the bill I need to just pay for what i had (generally the cheapest thing on the menu) and chuck in a couple of quid for the tip.

I sincerely hope that none of my friends who professed to understand at the time actually thought I was being tight - I just couldn’t afford anything else!

Why on Earth is it assumed parents should pay, mine are on a tighter budget than I am now!

This place is just spiteful these days.

OP, no you weren’t unreasonable, but if you didn’t say something at the time it’s done and you need to suck it up Grin

Report
MaryDollNesbitt · 13/01/2019 01:43

Two alcoholic drinks plus a coffee would easily come in at a minimum of £15 per person at a half decent restaurant in my neck of the woods. Would I fuck be paying a share of a £60+ bar bill I was in no way responsible for. Between the OP and her DH, that's £20+ they're pissing up the wall paying for other people's drinks. And that's before they've even covered their own food and possible tip.

In what magical land do you lot hail from where money is just oh-so disposable?! Confused I can understand comments about 'penny pinching' and being 'mean' if the quibble was over a couple of quid, but the likelihood is it's been much closer to £20-odd. Whether you're out with friends, family or colleagues, that is not a small sum of money to just throw away.

I think it was exceptionally rude of the other four to ignore the fact you and your DH had nothing but tap water to drink, and happily allowed you to cover their bar bill. That was beyond fucking cheeky and yes, they should have had the manners to say that you and DH should only cover your share of the food, OP.

Report
ilovesooty · 13/01/2019 01:50

As an adult who was in employment I never would have expected my mother to pay for me.

Report
Momasita · 13/01/2019 02:11

Personally I think in this instance the relationship is worth more than the two drinks.
In laws and in law issues can destroy marriages.
Here are two sets of parents who had a night out with each other. If op was skint she should have come to some private arrangement first.

Maybe the others felt it could be patronising to ask if op wanted to opt out of their alcohol!
It's awkward.
Going out with established friends, family is very different.
I'd say there are high stakes at risk here. You've got more value here than two drinks are worth

Report
LittlePaintBox · 13/01/2019 03:02

If this really grates on you, you need to have a strategy for saying right at the start that you don't want the alcohol bill to be split. Otherwise, you need to let it go.

I used to hate the 'We didn't have wine' discussions when out with friends before we had kids, particularly as it always came from people who had managed to have equally expensive meals but just hadn't ordered wine. Either split the whole bill, or say you don't want to split.

Report
OwlBeThere · 13/01/2019 03:14

How nice for all the people who ‘can’t bear it’ when people pay for only what they ate to have the financial freedom to do that. It’s not the case for many of us. On the very very rare occasions I can afford a meal out I’ll be in a tight budget and usually can’t afford to drink too. So I don’t have a choice but to just pay for my own food.
That said, I agree with Pyongyang, either speak up at the time or shush. People can’t read your mind!

Report
Frogletmamma · 13/01/2019 03:32

Normally if going out I would estimate what we had and if it's more than average for the party would chuck in the tip. I remember a party of 12 once all trying to pay for what they had on separate cards. Not only did it take ages but it was 20 quid short at the end anyway so we all had to rummage around to find 4 quid each to cover this and the tip!

Report
Rtmhwales · 13/01/2019 03:46

Other countries automatically ask you who's with who to be placed on which bill and the computer automatically splits them up (with a grand total at the bottom in case someone is footing the bill or you want to do an even split). Not sure why this isn't a thing yet.. in Australia, the US and Canada it's always been done this way for me. And as a server in Canada, was always super easy to do it this way.

Report
theveryhighlife · 13/01/2019 04:07

Let it go. What does it matter if you ended up paying more than you consumed? You had a lovely evening.
Leave it at that.

Report
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/01/2019 04:11

Yabu. Very.

Report
VioletBedframe · 13/01/2019 04:33

Before having kids when I was working full time I didn’t mind splitting a bill equally but was always aware that others wouldn’t want to and would prefer it when people pay their own. Now I am skint and hardly ever go out. When we do we have to budget and don’t order much. Where possible we’ll have a vegetarian sharers meal. On one occasion we’d had that and water and it was suggested we split the bill equally but we said we’d rather pay our own. They’d had larger meaty meals and booze. They were fine about it but probably thought we were tight. Well yes we are tight because we’re skint. They don’t have kids and are on full time London wages so they can afford to eat what they want. I think it’s more impolite to expect others on lower incomes to pay for part of your meal than it is for someone to say they would prefer to just pay for what they had.

Report
Bloodybridget · 13/01/2019 04:45

I really don't understand why so many people think people should always pay for their adult children in restaurants. Yes, my DM would always have tried to pay for me; like hell would I let her!

Report
LadyBrienne · 13/01/2019 04:49

This should make you feel better

Went out tonight with daughter and her team mates and team mates parents (we are at an away meet for their sport)

About 10 teens and 10 adults

Set price of 19 per head all you can eat not including drinks

Get there and find out it’s not a “choose your own dish” but a “bring a variety of food to the table” restaurant and the only thing that my daughter and I can eat that is brought is rice

Other parents who I don’t know and have never been out with immediately order shots, beer and schnaps. They are 5 drinks in before any food shows up. I’m drinking Diet Coke because I’m driving and my daughter water

Split the bill - it cost us 100 (50 each)

My daughter and I are now back in our hotel room laughing that we just paid 100 for two bowls of rice Grin Blush

I’m a mug

Report
user1483387154 · 13/01/2019 04:57

It's far tighter expecting others to pay towards your food and drink than to pay for what you had yourself.

Report
AdoreTheBeach · 13/01/2019 05:04

Unless there’s some long back story about being on a tight budget and your daughter knowing this, YABU.

Going forward, don’t accept invitation to meet for dinner as most people when out for dinner will have wine etc. Nothing wrong with your choice of water but would be highly embarrassing for your daughter if you insist on separate bills. Don’t go or meet someplace without a liquor licence or BYOB.

I would suggest you have a discussion with your daughter after a while and let her know you’re not comfortable splitting the bill where alcohol is included when you drink water. Ask for her opinion on what to do going forward. She may agree, no more going out all in laws together. You’ll have already put her on alert to any issues if planning dinners out with your selves, your daughter and her husband.

Report
AmericanEskimoDoge · 13/01/2019 05:12

Is it not an option to ask for separate checks when you sit down to eat?

Personally, unless someone's offered to take me out to eat, I'd be embarrassed if they ended up pay for part of my food/drink, and I'd be privately annoyed if I ended up paying for someone else's drinks-- again, unless I'd already made it clear that I was footing the whole bill.

Doesn't seem that strange to not want to pay for someone else's more expensive tastes or habits.

Report
Oysterbabe · 13/01/2019 05:19

Definitely a skinflint.
In my family both sets of parents would have offered to pay for the whole meal before agreeing to split 50/50.

Report
Andylion · 13/01/2019 05:42

Nothing wrong with your choice of water but would be highly embarrassing for your daughter if you insist on separate bills.

Not embarrassing at all if you ask for separate bills when you order.

Report
Gina2012 · 13/01/2019 06:08

You did pay over the odds but it's not worth making a fuss about

Next time put your initial drinks on the table tab which will even it up a bit more

Also I'd have paid for the kids - so I'd have split the bill between the parents only

Report
Loveweekends10 · 13/01/2019 06:10

If I was out for a meal with her Dd and partner I would have paid for the whole meal as we earn much more than they do! YABU. It would have become embarrassing to start getting into conversations about who drank what and who ate this and that.

Report
jessstan2 · 13/01/2019 06:15

If you can't afford it, don't go. These situations are not uncommon and I've been in them in the past when seriously hard up but I would have died of embarrassment rather than not pay equally. Anyway, it's over now so why worry about it? Just be a bit more mindful in future.

I've heard some people have an 'app' which shows what each person has consumed and needs to pay. That might be useful.

Report
swingofthings · 13/01/2019 06:36

Why would anyone think it is acceptable to have others pay for their drinks or food is beyond me. If it was offered, then of course fair enough but to assume it is OK is utterly disrespectful. Would they feel the same if they happened to be doing their weekly shopping together, agreed to put all their shopping in the same basket and whilst they had £50 worth of stuff, the other party handed £75 leaving them to pay the same? I very much doubt it.

Of course if it was a one off, it wouldn't be so bad, but what it does it set precedence and over time can end up with quite a difference. Some people really have a sense of entitlement.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TheKitchenWitch · 13/01/2019 06:39

It's funny how this is only an issue when going out to eat. You wouldn't dream of going shopping to Sainsbury's with someone and suggesting you bung everything together and split the bill, regardless of how many groceries you've each bought.
Or clothes shopping with a friend, can you imagine it? I buy socks and a t-shirt, friend buys coat and dress, let's split the bill! Why be tight? Such nit-picking.

This is a very UK thing. Here in Germany the waiter adds up each person's order at the table, you just reel off what you've had. Things like bottles of wine or water that everyone had you split. It's completely normal and not considered tight or weird - in fact, paying for the food and drink that you have actually consumed is considered totally fair. Weird, that, isn't it?

Report
swingofthings · 13/01/2019 06:40

It would have become embarrassing to start getting into conversations about who drank what and who ate this and that
It's only embarassing because those who consume more don't have the good manners to say that of course the bill should be divided. Its amazing how quick those people are to pretend it's too complicated to divide even whe. It is t or worse, call the waiter/tress and hand over their card saying how much they are paying without even discussing it with the rest of the table living to the others to work out what is left to pay between themselves.

Report
OutComeTheWolves · 13/01/2019 06:40

Yanbu the best way is for everyone to buy their drinks at the bar but then just split the food bill I think.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.