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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:

PenelopeFlintstone · 13/01/2019 00:23

Maybe next time, if you know you'll be drinking water with your meal, add your early drinks to the bill rather than paying for them. Then it won't feel so unbalanced.
This one you'll just have to chalk up to experience, I think

Tartyflette · 13/01/2019 00:24

A strategy for you - If you arrive before the rest of your party and have some (presumably alcoholic?) drinks while you wait why not open a tab for the bill then?
That way your drinks go on the bill along with everyone else’s and you won’t feel you’re subsidising the others so much when you switch to water. I don’t think most people would have a problem with that.
And if you’re not a coffee drinker at the end of the meal you could always have tea or herbal tea, or another soft drink. There is not going to be much difference in price between that and coffee.
We always split the bill evenly when we’re out with friends and family anyway, although we do —try to, not always allowed— put extra in if we've had more than the others.

Tartyflette · 13/01/2019 00:25

Gah. Cross post.

jessstan2 · 13/01/2019 00:26

Don't be so flipping mean!
I hate these, "...but I didn't have peas...", arguments.

Life is not always fair but for things like this, you just suck it up.

OrigamiZoo · 13/01/2019 00:26

Did you pay for your drinks before people arrived so as far as they know, you just drank water with the family meal?

YANBU, but you have to let it go.

GunpowderGelatine · 13/01/2019 00:30

It's good manners to only split food when some people aren't drinking.

MN logic is weird - it's the only place I know where subsidising someone else's food and drink makes you a skinflint

PenelopeFlintstone · 13/01/2019 00:31

Gah. Cross post. Tartyflette

Winterberriesonatree · 13/01/2019 00:33

As parents we usually end up paying the bill when adult DCs come out with us. They know we can afford it if it is an occasional treat. We have taken them on family holidays a few times and agreed to pay for everything from the outset.

Once other people start to muscle in on this, it becomes a joke. We took our DCs and their partners out twice in the festive period. Each time we paid for everyone. We hosted Christmas and paid for everything willingly. So far so good.

Last night DD mentioned that she and he serious BF (who is lovely) were going to x restaurant and did we want to come too. DH was all for this, but I nudged him when we were on our own in the kitchen and pointed out that if we went, we would end up picking up the entire bill. He agreed this was a bit much and they went on their own instead.

The younger generation seem to want to eat out frequently, whereas for us it has only ever been for special occasions. We concluded jointly that good company as they are, we cannot afford to keep forking out. Instead I have offered to make Sunday dinner at home, much cheaper all round.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/01/2019 00:36

Also, non-drinkers should not have to pay for those who are drinking as the difference in cost between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks is huge.

Not neccesarily. If you are drinking lime and soda versus their Chablis then yes. But if they are on lager and you are on coke then actually your coke (price per oz) will be slightly more so you are actually paying less than you should if you split it.

ConfessionalProfessional · 13/01/2019 00:40

YABU. unless they had the wine flight on a tasting menu at £75 a pop, you are being tight. It’s your daughter.

Purpleartichoke · 13/01/2019 00:42

Alcohol adds up fast. I would not be ok splitting a bill evenly if I was drinking and my companions were not. A simple solu

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/01/2019 00:42

Yabu not to pay for you daughter, I would never let my adult daughter pay. Why did you not pay for her?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 13/01/2019 00:51

YANBU to feel a bit miffed but I think it’s one of those things you just have to chalk up to experience. If it was a bunch of work colleagues I’d make more of a fuss, but with your DD’s in laws it’s probably best not to look like a tight arse. You’ll know for next time!

MarthasGinYard · 13/01/2019 00:54

How odd to actually split 6 ways

Pinkyyy · 13/01/2019 00:55

Nobody forced you to pay it. You could have easily said you wanted to pay for what you ordered, but you didn't because presumably you knew how you'd be perceived. No point complaining after its already happened.

MarthasGinYard · 13/01/2019 00:56

Why not just per couple?

Personally I'd have prob treated Dd

Claudia1980 · 13/01/2019 00:59

Very tight, especially with your own daughter and her in-laws. I despise tight arse. I honestly think it’s the worst personality trait a person can have

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/01/2019 01:00

I cant bear these who had what discussions, I just split the bill evenly. All my friends are the same. Sometimes one of us has wine, sometimes not, jesus, if its an issue get over yourself. If you dont like it, dont come out to dinner...

Seniorschoolmum · 13/01/2019 01:02

Yabu. It’s a family event, it seems petty to add up whose pudding cost more.
Think of it as paying one sixth of the bill each for a good night out with good company rather than individuals items off the menu. Or dine by yourselves so you can be sure it can’t happen again.

Momasita · 13/01/2019 01:11

Oh no op I think in this situation it was fine.

These people are going to be really important in your dd life... What does it the cost of a few drinks matter. If your really short of money should have pre arranged to borrow some or not gone etc.

Bitchywaitress · 13/01/2019 01:31

You shouldn’t of paid for the drinks on arrival. I see this all the time at work. Someone will arrive early, get a drink and insist on paying straight away as they feel cheeky adding them to the tab. Then minutes later the rest of the party will arrive, order a drink, and the tab gets split evenly at the end. They are paying more for no reason.

I’m sure if you had just added your first round to the tab it wouldn’t have felt quite so unfair, ie 1 drink against 2.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 13/01/2019 01:34

How odd to actually split 6 ways

I don’t know, we did the same recently. DH and me with our DS and his gf and family. I was quite happy to split the whole bill in half, each set of parents paying for their family, (we were the smaller family so not in our favour to do this) but we arrived at a 7 way split, paid for by the parents on each side. Very straightforward.

My willingness to split the bill depends very much on who’s at the table. Friends and family, no problem. Work do with random colleagues, less keen.

SaturdayNext · 13/01/2019 01:36

YANBU. For people suggesting a fairer split would involve mathematical contortions, it really wouldn't. You just divide the food bill by 6 and the drinks bill by 4 and take it from there.

MargotLovedTom1 · 13/01/2019 01:37

Why would people rush to pay for their adult offspring if they're (presumably) employed and solvent?

Aside from that, OP I do think YABU. I also think it's a bit off - for want of a better word - to only drink tap water at the table with the food when you're out for dinner.

Smallhorse · 13/01/2019 01:40

Yanbu.
Non drinkers should not subsidise drinkers.
Often the alcohol costs as much as the food.

It’s up to the drinkers to insist on paying their fair share.

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