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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:
IamIwas · 13/01/2019 08:32

Eating out with drinkers is expensive. I don’t do it very often and when I do I am usually driving. It’s best just to split the bill and pay up but i agree It’s not fair.

Returnofthesmileybar · 13/01/2019 08:36

Threads like these drive me mad, can we just be clear, there are two types of tight people:

Type 1
(Generally a lone wolf at the table)
The Penny pincher: when everyone at the table has had an equal number of courses and drinks, nobody has taken the piss, the difference comes down to pennies and someone is insisting on individual bills and it's down to nothing but tightness, everyone knows someone like this, they are annoying

Type 2
(Often several of these at one table)
People ordering expensive courses, extra courses, wines, beers, etc etc, a having a lovely evening but it's clear there are differences in the orders, some mains only/some not drinkers etc and type 2 proclaims "we split the bill" and even goes as far as to "not be able to bear" not splitting the bill. Type 2 is more socially acceptable than Type 1 but he shouldn't be, he wants others to subsidise him and pay for him, Type 1 is at least happy to pay his way.

Type 2 is the greater tight arse and often not a very nice person as they often infer people who don't subsidise are actually the tight ones

Type 1 - Tight
Type 2 - Tight and sneaky

There are other types of course (op's daughter Type 3 the person who speaks for everyone and insists a split, she's just rude)

nellieellie · 13/01/2019 08:40

I would be a bit fed up about it myself. Whenever Ive been with people who don’t drink, I’ve always deducted price of alcohol from split bill, and then payed extra. Even if it’s been a large group, it’s not that hard to work it out. Alcohol can almost double the price of a meal - if coffees are added to that I think your ILs were mean to expect their food to be subsidised.
As it’s family, I wouldn’t mind if they have treated on other occasions, eg buying drinks etc. Also if they have been the ones to travel significantly further to a venue I wouldn’t mind either.

swingofthings · 13/01/2019 08:44

It ruins it when someone gets all funny about the bill at the blend
Absolutely, so the polite and well mannered thing to do is for those who spent significantly more than the others is to get up at the end of the meal, pay their part and live it for the rest to divide the rest. No funniness.

What really ruins a dinner for me are those who go straight for the wine, order more bottles without asking, get tipsy to the point of being annoying, conversation become even more shallow, laughing turns into kackle and if that's bad enough to tolerate it, you have to pay extra for the experience. Then they don't get it when I never accept to go out to it with them anymore!

cushioncovers · 13/01/2019 08:45

Yabu unless the others in the group drunk masses of alcohol then you are probably quibbling over less than £20.

CatnissEverdene · 13/01/2019 08:45

We went for a meal once with my DD and SIL's family. The 5 of us had a main (2 being veggie) and a dessert, with a soft drink each. They all ordered a starter, a main and at least 2 side dishes each, and drank 3/4 alcoholic drinks each. We split the bill as that's what they suggested for ease but working the bill out at home, we worked out ours had been around £100 for the 5 of us but we'd ended up paying nearly £200 for the sake of family harmony.......which was a lot of money for us at the time. They've suggested it a few times since but we've always politely declined.

Now when we go out in a group, we just ask to keep a food bill for the table which we happily split, and people to pay for their own drinks unless we are sharing a bottle of wine.

Rubberduckies · 13/01/2019 08:48

I can never be bothered to split a bill, even if I'm not drinking. It's only a few extra quid, I just can't get worked up about it! If others insist separate prices for drinkers and non drinkers I'll go with it, but really I don't care in the slightest. I'm sure it evens out over a lifetime. When you're old they'll probably buy your shopping for you or drive you places.

snowone · 13/01/2019 08:50

YABU - not that I would 'expect' them to pay but in this situation I think my parents would have paid the full bill

Desmondo2016 · 13/01/2019 08:51

I'm always the one that brings up the issue BEFORE the meal. It makes me look like o care too much or don't have enough money which is ironic because I'm actually the most likely one to offer to take a whole bill (well, tell dh toGrin) . It just avoids any awkwardness at the end.

Most recently on a large family dinner we all split the food bill but paid as we went along for drinks.

Feb2018mumma · 13/01/2019 08:51

I went out with family a few weeks ago and when they said to split it I said, well I had lots of alcohol, they said they didn't mind and they split it. I think in a good family a drinker should offer and the family should split it as long as there's no money issues?

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/01/2019 08:51

All those saying that disputing the bill at the end is so tight or penny pinching or embarrassing - don't you feel embarrassed that someone else has subsidised your drinking? Would you just say to someone not drinking or not drinking as much 'hey, this ones on you?'

As an adult going out there is no way anyone else should pay for my food or drink - I choose what I want to eat and drink but keep an eye of what others are having and put in extra or just pay for my own (ideal).

Dimsumlosesum · 13/01/2019 08:54

This happened to me, my work team refused to let me split the bill so I I'd to pay them an extra £10 for the alcohol they had drunk. Doesn't sound much but £10 was half my weekly food bill, so I was on noodles for the rest of that week.

OwlBeThere · 13/01/2019 08:55

@cushioncovers £20 is half my weekly food shop budget, or my electric for the week, or the petrol in my car to get me to work and back. £20 is s significant amount of money to some people.

Rubberduckies · 13/01/2019 09:00

If I knew a friend was skint and would choose cheaper food and no alcohol because that's what they could afford, I'd probably suggest we went somewhere where you pay for your own meal and drinks at the bar to save any awkwardness. Or if we went somewhere nicer I'd hope that they could be honest with the group and say at the beginning they'd like to pay only for what they chose.

Redcrayonisthebest · 13/01/2019 09:01

*You sound really miserable.

I would have expected one of the parent couples to have paid the bill for everyone. In fact I would have expected the parent couples to have a light hearted argument as they both tried to settle the bill. Finishing with a , well that was delightful, don't forget next time it is on us.*

Am still waiting for some mumsnetters to realise that we don't all have high incomes Confused

Op I'd say that yanbu and probably all those calling you penny pinching and miserable are drinkers who feel entitled to ask other people to fund their alcohol.

WomanWithAltitude · 13/01/2019 09:04

I agree with those saying penny pinching is annoying.

However... if you're a vegetarian who doesn't drink much, and your friends eat meat, if does get wearing to find yourself subsidising other people's meals every single time you go out. I am in that position, and it often adds a hefty amount to my bill. It won't ever even out because I won't ever be the one ordering steak.

Juells · 13/01/2019 09:05

*PyongyangKipperbang
I should add that I am on a very tight budget so I will always say that I would prefer to have seperate bills as I will order to my budget. I feel absolutely no embarassment about this as my real friends/family would understand and anyone who doesnt can be safely written off as a cunt.

This ^^

I really resent people who announce at the end of a meal that the bill is going to be split. They're always the ones who've had starters and desserts and the most expensive main course and wine and coffee and brandy coffee... Was caught like this a few times when meeting up with much better-off friends, I stopped meeting them.

OhThatsASnazzyBouquet · 13/01/2019 09:07

YABU sorry op... I would of dissected the bill a bit more when I was a teenager/young adult maybe when we were all skint.. but now? Dinners out get split it’s just the way. Very rude not too. In my family the older adults sometimes pick up the bill for the younger ones still anyway (sons/daughters etc)

OrdinarySnowflake · 13/01/2019 09:07

Its waiting until the end that's annoying. If you want to pay separately, ask for separate bills at the start, every restaurant I've been to is ok with that and it avoids the awkward "who had the 2nd diet coke?" Conversations.

If you aren't happy to split the bill, you need to say something, and early enough in the evening so that staff can either give you separate bills from the start, or everyone knows to keep a closer eye on the price of what they are ordering.

Its the norm to split bills, and if the op had ordered drinks with the meal rather than before, they would have been happy to do so, so it's not U for someone else to expect you are fine with that. (Esp if there was say, wine on the table, they didn't notice if you had any of it and normally you do join in drinking).

The problem is saying nothing and expecting other people to read your mind that you want to do something that is different to the norm. (And acceptable different, but still not the normal way to pay a group bill).

cushioncovers · 13/01/2019 09:08

@cushioncovers £20 is half my weekly food shop budget, or my electric for the week, or the petrol in my car to get me to work and back. £20 is s significant amount of money to some people.

Absolutely I agree im a single parent on a low income and £20 is a lot of money to me as well. Which is why I would not of gone out and had the meal in the first place. But if you do you have been prepared to either discuss the arrangements regarding the bill or just got on and split the bill.

cushioncovers · 13/01/2019 09:08

Bold fail

luckylavender · 13/01/2019 09:09

No other way of doing it in that circumstance. In this scenario I would always want to pay more not to be that person. It was your DD who split it anyway.

Redcrayonisthebest · 13/01/2019 09:10

I also think it's a bit off - for want of a better word - to only drink tap water at the table with the food when you're out for dinner.

And what the heck is this about? More than one person saying it's off to drink tap water at a meal?? Water's the healthiest drink you can have. I'm not teetotal but drink very rarely and I absolutely despise this culture that thinks that alcohol and those who drink it are in some way superior to the rest of us Hmm

Pipsqueak11 · 13/01/2019 09:12

You would look a complete skinflint if you did anything other- not worth it for the sake of a few drinks

cushioncovers · 13/01/2019 09:15

The op hasn't said they were on a tight budget

She has said that the other 4 people in the group (one of which is her daughter) had two drinks and a coffee extra. So that 12 extra drinks. The cost was split between 6 people. 3 of those extra drinks her own daughter had.