To be fucking raging?

[Januarybringstheblues]

I'm a single parent to dd (4). Her dad isn't on the scene so child-free time is very rare and nights out are even more rare. My dad and his wife got a sofa bed for their house for dd to sleepover when I need a babysitter. So far, this has happened once.

Today I sent my dad a message and asked him if he could have dd overnight while I have a night out for my birthday next month. His response - 'we go out every Saturday'.

They basically go to the local Wetherspoons and do the same mundane thing week in, week out. For ONE NIGHT I'm asking them to do me a favour and lool after their grandchild. One fucking night.

Aibu to be furious?

Still don't get why you don't pay a sitter. We never had any childcare from grandparents. Diddums, we chose to have kids. So we'd save up for a sitter even if it meant we had to do stuff like just go to the cinema. It sucks but no one's entitled to a night out with a free sitter. I think your anger needs to be directed towards the lowlife excuse for a father of your child who ran off and left you holding the baby.

Some harsh replies here, I really feel for you op, I hope you manage to find someone to help, you sound like you deserve a night off

YANBU. It's one night and a one off. They're being selfish. I'll bet if they ask to see their grandkid and you can't do that day then you'll get all kinds of guilt trip crap.
It's not a lot to ask that they give it a miss just once.
I just wonder what would be the reaction of their pub friends if they told them they wouldn't give up just one Saturday night as a one off for their grandkid.

I have no opinion as to whether you should be raging or not (yes, I've read the entire thread, thank you) because I'd like to hear your father's side of the story.

Please re-think before you cut off ties with your father: it sounds as though your daughter has few relatives other than you and to cut one of them out of her life would be punishing her.

YABU. My children have both their grandparents and great grandparents and neither babysit. My mums view is that she has had her time raising children, so her weekends are now her own. And I totally respect that. We go out once a month, and our babysitter who we know from nursery, charges £30 for 4 hours.

I think I get your point but I still don't see why a Friday is not a good idea. Why should your father have to give up his Saturday night out? It's YOUR birthday, it's not an event that you have to have on a Saturday.

Can you not compromise and go out the Friday night instead?

Why does it have to be on your actual birthday?

**toria6118

Ah, so that's it? You had a tough time, so no-one else should have it better or easier than you? Because it's unfair...to you?

Why don't you just admit instead that you would have died for some more help? Why not acknowledge THAT? Instead of projecting it onto OP?

What's she's asked for is anything but unreasonable **Obi73.

What has asking her Dad for some help in preparation for her birthday, got to do with not being grown up?

If he was a shit parent why would he be a better GP? And why would you have him near your kid? And as someone said Disappointed yes, Raging?? Err no. There is waaay more going on here

They're being selfish.

They have their routine when they go out and meet friends on a Saturday which the OP knows about - they are allowed to be selfish as they are the GP not the actual parent, they have not said they wouldn't babysit any other night as the OP refuses to ask about a Friday but would prefer to throw a tantrum instead

Tweety1981
Are you actually kidding?? My grandparents NEVER looked after me, with 9 children, each with 2 or more children of their own they'd have had no life apart from baby sitting. Grandparents HAVE done their bit as will you once your children are grown. In no way should anyone be EXPECTED to look after another person's child, the attitudes that have changed are in fact OUR generation who seem to think we're owed nights out or free childcare to work etc at others convenience, we're not!

You realise using that word makes you sound like a massive twat don’t you? Just thought I would let you know.

We're all entitled to our opinions, Carol, in fact, they're just like arseholes . . . Just thought I would let you know.

That's how life is, you can't expect people to look after your child for free on your terms. It's a nice perk, but it can't be expected.

Tough shit.

I keep finding it quite cute though thinking of a picture of two paent still going every Saturday to weatherspoons together.

parents*

I have read the whole thread . The OP wants a favour that is not convenient for the person who she wants to give their time and is not prepared to be flexiable about the request. Choose a Friday OP - simples....

I just don't understand people who want to be so sneery and dismissive when people are struggling that's all. Never mind, it takes all sorts I suppose, sadly.

I get where you are coming from. He makes a grand gesture about helping you then when it comes to it nothing. I hate this, why offer in the first place. I've had this family members offering help just for show and when it comes down to it they back out. I really feel YANBU in feeling annoyed. Dont ask in future.

I think you've had some really harsh and nasty replies here, OP. I know what it's like to be a single parent with no ex around to give me time off and zero support from family. I get the feeling that you're desperate for a night out, and you don't feel that your father has ever really been there for you. You're having this big reaction because it's a really sore point - not feeling supported by your father. I totally understand why you're upset. Yes, he's being selfish. Take a deep breath and decide to find a babysitter some other way. Have a great birthday.

Yanbu. My parents are exactly the same. When I told my mum I was expecting she said ‘don’t think I’m looking after it’ i was 34 at the time I honestly think that gp don’t have to look after gc, and that you can’t expect anyone to look after your own dc. But in this case I think the op isn’t bu at all. It’s a once a year on her birthday favour. Being a single parent is difficult at the best of times, a little help now and again wouldn’t go amis

Could you go out on the Friday instead?

By the sound of it you don't have a good relationship with him anyway and saying you were shipped off every weekend while your parents went and got pissed. That doesn't sound like an environment I'd want to send my child into anyway.

It's not their responsibility to baby sit when you demand because your a single parent and don't get to go out much.

It's ok to feel disappointed but you haven't even asked them if they can do a different day and your going of on one!.

Either ask them for a Friday, pay someone or have a few friends round for a bottle of wine and a takeaway after your child is in bed.

YANBU. I suspect some those saying YABU have not felt the joy and priviledge of extended family wanting to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives.

The pleasure of seeing an excited child arrive with their little bag, watch a movie/TV together, cuddles on the sofa, night time story. Yes, kids are lively soles, but I couldn’t imagine not having stayed with my GPs or my DD staying with hers. She sleeps out even if we’re not going out.

Mumsnet reminds me how very differently we have all been brought up.

I think it’s shit OP. I cannot imagine my father wanting to go out to the same place every week and not having a night off for my birthday.

Is there a friend you can ask? Tell your father to sell the sofa bed if he was only using it for DD. Tell him you’re disappointed he won’t help his own flesh and blood.

My parents are exactly the same. Have never helped with childcare even in a dire emergency. They are selfish to the core yet are always on the blower to me when they need a favour. Such is life

** souls