To think DS(9) shouldnt do what teacher said?

[bluebench]

DS(9) does an after school dance club ran by another teacher. They were told a few weeks ago they could make up a routine to show at a special assembly which is now next Friday. 1 boy and 1 girl didn’t want to preform and seem to have stopped going at all now so it was just ds and 5 girls doing it. One girl was upset about this and said that it should just be a girl thing if the other boy didn't want to preform as it would look stupid with just one boy. She has complained to the dance teacher to the dance teacher every lesson about why ds shouldn't be able to do it and has tried to get the other girls to practice without him.

The dance teacher was unexpectedly off sick last week and will be up until after the assemberly, when she left DS was definitely doing the dance and if the other girl didn't drop it she was at risk of not. They've been allowed to practice in their classroom at lunch time and the girl has moved on to trying to convince their class teacher that DS shouldn't do it. She cried during the practice on Friday because the other girls wouldn't refuse to do it with DS which the teacher told her off for and then she cried again during afternoon lessons and the teacher had to take her outside.

DH and DS were called over after school and they were told he isn't going to be kicked out of the dance because as far as she's aware he hasn't done anything wrong but it would be 'very mature' and 'kind' if he had a think about letting the girls do the group dance on their own and then he can do a special solo instead. She also suggested that she knows he wouldn't want X to be upset and that the dance seems to be more important to her. I definitely appreciate that this isn't something the class teacher wants to be involved in, that she has enough to worry about and is probably just looking for the easiest way to resolve it but it seems really unfair on ds. He thinks he has to do what the teacher has pretty much told him he should do but is upset that the girl will think she's got what she wanted, that he cant do the dance hes been practising for with his other friends and only as a few days to make up a solo on his own.

AIBU to encourage DS to do the group dance if he wants and not suffer to make it easier the teacher and this girl?

Please encourage him to stand his ground and do the group dance. This manipulative little girl must not be allowed to get her own way.

I speak to the teacher and explain that your ds really wants to take part, he's been practicing hard and you don't think that it's fair that he's been pressured to leave because one of the girls is being nasty and trying to exclude him. I would add in the you would totally understand if the girl felt that she was longer able to take part, due to the fact that she might have to dance along side a boy!

I would be asking the teaching why they are supporting this girl’s behaviour to exclude your DS as this is a form of bullying and must surely be against school policy!

Poor lad. Definitely let him do it. How can they let that girl try to segregate him. Speak to the teacher again.

The teacher is making a mistake. Your D.S. is entitled to dance. I'm a teacher and I'm always trying to be on the side of my children's teachers, but in this instance I would put it in writing that your D.S. is being bullied out of the dance group by this girl, and ask what the school intend to do about it. Also put in the email that he doesn't want a special solo, he wants to be treated equally with his classmates.

I would speak to the teacher here and state I think this girl is trying to bully him out and you find the request for him to exclude himself based on his gender offensive. And you want it retracted. And make it clear your son is doing the original routine and if anyone should withdraw it should he this girl.

She should never have asked this of him.

No YANBU at all . Turn this situation around - what if a boy was pressurising a girl to withdraw from an activity where she was the only girl ? And the teacher , instead of telling the boy to accept the situation or bugger off , was supporting him ?
Rightly , this would be seen as absolutely unacceptable .
The little madam in question should be told to accept your lad as part of the group or leave .

I agree with you, they should stick with original plan agreed by the original teacher. Your son should not be punished or ostracized for someone else's bad behaviour (bullying).

I would point out to the teacher that sexism isn't acceptable behaviour.

Your DS should do the dance.... school should not pander to the little girls ridiculous outbursts. I’d say it was bullying as it is sustained and as she was trying to coerce/manipulate the other girls.
If it were a group of boys kicking a girl off a football team it would be seen as sexist.

I’d sent a polite but very clear email to the teacher explaining the situation in full and that your son will be taking part in the group dance. I would also add that your son felt under pressure from the teacher’s last interjection and request that she supports him in partaking. Anything else is incredibly unfair. Good luck with it!

Completely agree with missyB1. Great opportunity to teach DS to stand his ground and not let tantrummy little miss manipulate everyone. Can't believe the teacher is even thinking about acquiescing to this madam.

Your ds should do the group dance. Absolutely

Yanbu

He should do the dance.

Presumably it's never been advertised as being an all girl thing? If she doesn't want boys in the dance class she needs to find an all girls one

Shame there's not a class specifically for boys. Dance seems to sadly very girl heavy and I'm.sure lots of boys would like to do it but feel they can't.

It's completely wrong of the teacher you pressurise your DS like that and she's completely out of order. It absolutely stinks. Would she have done the same if the girl didn't think the dancer with red hair should be in the dance? The girl with long hair? The one with glasses? Or God forbid the one with a different cultural background?

I'd be raging and complaining. Teacher should apologise to DS for emotionally blackmailing him.

Surely to God this comes under discrimination. I know she hasn't kicked him out, as She can't, but She's certainly putting pressure on him to drop out.
If I'm to honest. The little girl in question sounds absolutely ruined.

That is absolutely not on. I have a daughter who dances and many many times there has only been 1 boy. She’s probably jealous because the boys often get the best featured bits or get put centre in choreography because it looks good.

It’s blatant sexism and your son should absolutely stand his ground against the little madam.

I'd be raging. When activities that are heavily gendered such as dance, football, coding are offered schools should go out of their way to encourage members of both sexes to give them a try.

YANBU. Definitely agree with the other posters that you should stand your ground.

Ds is now the only boy in his gcse dance group at school. It’s just reinforcing gender stereotypes.

I Agree fully with pp. What if this o d had said. I don't want a child in the group because they had a different hair colour, skin colour or a disability.
This dance teacher could find herself in very hot murky water

So it would be immature and unkind for him to participate in a performance he has been practicing for weeks? How about her being immature and unkind for trying to exclude him? For the teacher to coerce him is out of order. This little madam needs to know she can't get her own way by crying.

kid had said

Imagine this was a primary school football team and a boy was refusing to play on the same side as a girl...

The teacher was wrong to ask your son to do something kind to appease someone who is actually being very unkind.

No way should the teacher be colluding with this girl to manipulate your son into giving up his place in the group performance.