People always surprised I'm a mum and it's starting to get boring...

[billieD]

I have an 11 week old (nearly 12 weeks). I'm 27 but look quite a bit younger, especially with no makeup. I got refused a scratch card because I didn't look old enough (16) - I even had my baby in a sling.

Basically, people always seem surprised that I'm a mum. I think parked in a parent and child parking space the other day, and a man (who clearly was struggling to find a space big enough for his car) shouted 'you know you're only meant to park there if you have kids!' - I wish he could've watched me take my baby out of his car seat but he had driven off.

I went to the hospital with my baby and my mum (routine check up for mum). Mum was holding my son and the woman next to us in the waiting area thought I was his sister! I explained that I am his mum, and she just wittered on about how I look far too young.

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST nor a good thing for my self esteem as I don't want to look like a 16 year old girl.

At my first day at work someone got in trouble for saying that my boyfriend must feel like a paedo being with me. This all happened behind my back and I was gutted when I found out.

I'm fed up of people thinking this was about me. How can I stop giving a shit? And feel confident even though I clearly look like a 14 year old?

Parked not think parked.

This is not going to go well. 99.9% of people want to look young.

This is like complaining about your diamond shoes being too tight

@MummyDummyNow the whole post is about the fact that I'm not taken seriously because I look like a child. People want to look young but I don't think they want to look like children. Finding out someone said my boyfriend must feel like a paedophile for being with me was pretty hurtful. Surely it's okay to be upset by that?

his is like complaining about your diamond shoes being too tight hmm

It's got to a point where I don't even feel comfortable going to meetings as I think people just look at me like I shouldn't be there.

Clearly mn think IABU though so should probably stop typing now.

So change the way you dress or present yourself if you hate it that much. Or just embrace it and take joy in correcting people in a pa manner like the rest of us who still need ID 😁

(I'm 33 and still get IDd for lottery 😱)

The paedophile comment is hurtful yes.
I looked young there once in my twenties. I looked in my teens. I thought it was a drag. I’d love to look young now though.
But the workers talking behind your back, that’s awful.

I think it's totally understandable to be upset about that - and I look like an old boot.

2 of your examples people were being actively rude/insulting, why wouldn't that be upsetting?!

Sure, when you're in your 40s it'll be less of an issue because you'll look younger but still an adult, but right now it must be annoying as hell to be mistaken for a teen.

I get you OP. When we had my first at 26 I looked too young.

If it makes you feel any better, motherhood ages the shit outta you and you'll probably not have to deal with this for that long

I remember the first time I went to a toddler group with my then 1 year old.
A childminder there (who apparently knew me when I was younger, though I have no memory of this) looked at me in shock and said "Is he YOURS?"
Yeah, I just nicked a random kid so I could come in. She thought I was still in my teens. I was 31!
This continued until I had ds2 who didn't sleep at all for 3 years and now I am a haggard mess. I've gone from being ignored due to being "too young" to being written off for being too old. I never got the bit in the middle.

I had this too, I've just had my second child though (and hit 30!) and definately aged considerably! I haven't been ID'd for a while now...

It was the comments about my DH that hurt the most, he looked older than he was and I looked considerably younger. We've kind of evened up now though, just give it time, you won't look young forever.

Don't worry, having kids ages you exponentially. I used to have a similar problem and 5 years later I look about 30-something. Not my actual age but enough to be taken seriously.

Make sure you have another one in about 18 months for maximum effect.

99.9% of people want to look young.

Well yes but not so young they're mistaken for a child. Particularly when they're a mother themselves. I quite fancy looking like I did when I was 24 and skinny but in reality no one took me seriously then and I'd much rather look like an actual grown up.

OP this may sound stupid but a really good haircut can sometimes help.

I could have written this exact post OP (except my DD is nearly 2) I'm also 27 and have also been IDd for scratch cards. I hate the condescending looks I hate feeling like I constantly have to say "I am 27 btw" just to defend myself from scathing looks. I find it hard to make friends because people my age look at me and think I'm 18 so don't want to know and I have nothing in common with 18 year old mum's.

But God forbid you complain about it because all you get is "you'll be glad when your 50" or "most people would kill to look 10 years younger" no in fact I won't be glad when I'm 50 I don't want to look 50 looking 25 forever would be quite nice I just want to look my age!!

I do understand how you feel OP. Many very many years ago I had my first child when I was 17 and I probably looked even younger. I used to get quite a lot of random nasty comments as I went about day to day, about the fact that I looked too young to be a mother. Just about all the time, these comments were from older women, I have to say, who one would have thought would have some sister feeling.
A lot of maturity is in how one carries oneself and responds to such insults. Keep your head held high and ignore.

You have every right to be upset by comments like these ! At the end of the day you can't change other people's thoughts just rise above them and ignore...you could always use the classic MN put down and say "did you mean to be so rude". Ifyou feel
You need to.

I think it's part of everyday sexism and how young Women are treated, re not being taken seriously.

Also a bit of Women being seen as having to do things like Motherhood, within 'acceptable' time frames.

I will admit that I've had private conversations about Men who are with very childlike looking Women, but never outside of a close relationship. I wouldn't say that in public.

I can see why this bothers you but no idea what you can do about it. Maybe you can ask on the style and beauty threads about clothes, hair styles, make up and accessories that might make you look more ‘mature’?
The mum of a friend of mine is very petite with a roundish face and was delighted when she started to go grey in her forties as people finally started taking her seriously.

Perhaps observe other people who you think look your 'real age group and see what if anything looks different. Is it the way they dress or their hair/makeup?
Not suggesting you become a clone but it might help if you really want to look older

I'm not a mum but I get you. I'm 35 and still get id'd. People at work often think I'm in an entry level job if they don't know me. It's hard to influence senior people as they think I'm much younger. But at 35 I'm also now noticing benefits - a lot of my friends are worrying about wrinkles and even getting botox but I have no lines on my face. Although I still get spots which I feel I'm much too old for.

The whole incident at work was a nightmare. People brought my race in to it. It was all done over email and the stereotypical 'black don't crack' comments were brought up and they said that the heatwave must've worked wonders for my African skin. It was really horrible and made me feel 2ft tall. I know I will be grateful when I'm older, but at the moment I'm struggling with it. I don't want to look like a child.

No that would annoy me too. Im sure lots of people will say take it as a compliment but its not. Im not sure how to change it though.

" I used to get quite a lot of random nasty comments as I went about day to day, about the fact that I looked too young to be a mother."

I had my first and had the same. Younger Mothers are amazing, they get day-to-day insults, patronising from HPs etc, but just carry on.

People are judgemental - they judge you of you look too young to be a Mum, or too old. Try to let it wash over you. You will likely never see most of these people again.

I was also once shouted at by someone for parking in the parent & child parking spaces. They just hadn't seen the baby seat. It definitely wasn't because I looked too young!