People always surprised I'm a mum and it's starting to get boring...

[billieD]

I have an 11 week old (nearly 12 weeks). I'm 27 but look quite a bit younger, especially with no makeup. I got refused a scratch card because I didn't look old enough (16) - I even had my baby in a sling.

Basically, people always seem surprised that I'm a mum. I think parked in a parent and child parking space the other day, and a man (who clearly was struggling to find a space big enough for his car) shouted 'you know you're only meant to park there if you have kids!' - I wish he could've watched me take my baby out of his car seat but he had driven off.

I went to the hospital with my baby and my mum (routine check up for mum). Mum was holding my son and the woman next to us in the waiting area thought I was his sister! I explained that I am his mum, and she just wittered on about how I look far too young.

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST nor a good thing for my self esteem as I don't want to look like a 16 year old girl.

At my first day at work someone got in trouble for saying that my boyfriend must feel like a paedo being with me. This all happened behind my back and I was gutted when I found out.

I'm fed up of people thinking this was about me. How can I stop giving a shit? And feel confident even though I clearly look like a 14 year old?

though you will not mind so much when you’re over 40.

I'm 40. I do mind, if anything I mind even more as I get older. Someone else who was over 40 on the thread said they minded, although they were used to it by now (as am I).

OP, I sympathise. It’s crap.

There’s a blogger, extra petite, who has covered this topic before and did a post (maybe more) on looking older. I think other petite bloggers have too but that’s the one I can actually confidently direct you to.

There’s also a lot to be said for learning to take up space. Not in a rude way, but women, especially young women, are conditioned by society to make themselves small and not take up room. Learning to stand tall, confident and project makes a huge difference.

I am struggling to fathom why some women get people saying they are 'surprised' that they have children. Especially as some posters are saying that they are between their late 20's and mid 30's when people say this.

At that age you may look younger than your age. Some people do, but no-one looks more than than 5-8 years younger than their age. (Maybe at first glance, but not when you look properly.) So even though you look younger, you won't look twelve!

Unless you live in a place where the vast majority of women become first time mothers at 40, I fail to see why people would be so surprised that you have children at around 30 y.o.

I am never surprised to see any female of child bearing age with children. And I doubt anyone else is either!

@butchy - Oh well just me then - but since being 40 I don’t find it as annoying as I did in my 20s - and at least I get served in pubs now!

@butchy - Oh well just me then - but since being 40 I don’t find it as annoying as I did in my 20s - and at least I get served in pubs now!

I do too, but only after they’ve scrutinised my ID and turned purple whilst apologising profusely because they hadn’t realised I was “so old”. 😏

I’m 26 and got ID’d at the shop for a PG film! And people look at me like i’m a teen mum when I am out with my 4 year old. I know what it’s like and I don’t get taken seriously either. Ignore people being negative they have no idea what it’s like! Xx

Haha I was the same age when I had DD and I had similar. Always asked if I was her big sister etc. It was a little annoying but it does slow down - now I just get surprised looks when I say my child is at school

Under no circumstances would I ever make a comment about someone looking too young to be a mother (even if I thought it). That is so unbelievably rude and inappropriate. Those people who do that must not have been brought up properly. You are better than them. I know it's not much consolation but remind yourself of this whenever it happens!

I mean seriously, who would say something like that to someone lol?!

Have another baby asap - nothing ages you more than subsequent kids! Jokes aside, it does sound annoying. So next time someone says you're not supposed to park there, just calmly say, I do have a child etc.
But yeah, people can be pricks what can you do. I always looked younger til I hit my 30s and had kids. Def look my age now!

I don’t think it’s a stealth boast and I also think YANBU. You’re 27, you are young, so why would you be boasting that you look young? It’s not like you’re saying “oh I am 58 and everything thinks I’m 18!” You are saying, you look even younger and you’re being patronised or even insulted as a result. I understand the frustration. My sister had a baby at 26, she’s 5 foot tall, tiny build and very slim. She also looks very young, no matter if she wears make up or dresses to look older. She’s highly intelligent but was often upset by those who patronised her, assuming she was young and knew nothing about the world or mothering.

Ignore the people who are derailing your thread. It’s clear you weren’t boasting.

OP I have the same issue. Everyone wants to look young... but more mid 20s than teenage young. Have no advice to give except I sympathise. I also always dress smart casual and always wear minimal make-up. Now most people mistake me for being 21/22 than my actual age (29). Without make-up I still get mistaken for a teenager.

It's crap professionally...I get asked at meetings by my clients if I'm the paralegal/ on work experience... tired of having to explain that I'm the lawyer they've been emailing. I really was hoping that it would get better as I get older but reading the experiences of people in similar boats, it looks like it doesn't.

99.9% of people want to look young.

No they don’t! Some people want to look younger and some want to look older. I’m in my late thirties and am sick of people patronising me and talking as if I have no life experience. They are always shocked to find out that I’m married with children. It’s tiresome and patronising. I’d like to look my age ideally.

I get you.

I looked super young for my age at 24 when I had dd. The looks I got. Comments. It was horrible. Worst bit was trying to make mum friends. I like in an affluent area where women generally do the career thing, so no one I met for the first few months were under 38 and assumed I was younger than my years and didn't seem interested at groups etc. It slowly got better, though my two mum friends were both in their 40s, still are, we forged a lovely relationship and I consider them great friends now a few years on.
I'd also say, take care of how you dress to look older but don't worry too much, I aged quite a bit in the first 2 or 3 years after baby which I was thankful for. Lucky to still look young but not too young. Good luck to you x

I sympathise OP. This used to happen to me in my 20's and i had my kids young. Now I'm late 30's I'm starting to look more my age and i don't like it. It will come to you too. Try to look at it as a positive

The phrase black don't crack is supposed to be a compliment but I find it dated and completely unoriginal! It's completely unacceptable that your colleagues did this OP.

I used to get ID all the time in Sainsbury's when I was in my 30s and although I was initially flattered, I didn't have a driving license at the time and don't carry my passport with me so I had to leave the shop without booze!
More recently, I got asked for id by the Ocado delivery driver! Two different times. Different drivers! And I'm 43, two kids and I don't look like I did in my 30s anymore.

I'm 38 and I still get asked for ID when buying alcohol. I'd never be immature enough to complain about it or much less start a thread moaning about "not being taken seriously". It's probably more to do with how you behave than how you look.

@LordPickle how very grown up of you to say!

The incident at work is being dealt with but I'm still working with the people involved in the email chain for now which is incredibly awkward.

I'm not an immature person. I'm very professional and a good mother to my son. This has absolutely nothing to do with how I act. How someone behind a counter could possibly know my personality anyway is beyond me.

I used to have the same problem, looking about 16 when I was 26,27,28+. Moreso if I didn't wear makeup.

Cold callers would knock on the door and ask if my parents were home. I used it as a good excuse to get rid of them, so I'd say no!

I met with a client face-to-face once and when I mentioned my age in passing they told me they were so relieved cus they had thought I'd just finished school!

I'm 33 now and I feel life has caught up with me and I'm starting to look closer to my age.

I must do because a double glazing salesman actually asked if I was the homeowner yesterday 🤣🤣

The funny thing is my DH is the same age as me but he looks older. We used to joke that he looked like my dad! He looked about 40 when I looked 16! 🤣🤣

I have this too. I've learnt to laugh it off.
It used to annoy me more when I was your age, but definitely take it as a compliment.

I had my first dd at 19, and my 2nd at 29. Community midwife thought dd was my sister

Also a work colleague told me how lovely my profile pic was of me and my dad at my wedding- except it was my husband and he's only 2 years older than me!

Not much u can do about it except ignore the judgy buggers who don't know the truth.

One of my SILs' use to be asked frequently about her "toy boy" husband and how she got together with him. That is my brother who is 10 years older than her. She would just turn it into a joke. Because of that when I have my age confused I would simply say "I'm older than I look" and give a stare.

In regards to parking spaces and seats on public transport - I've come to the conclusion this country is full of narrow minded fuckwits. I've had to stare people down when they questioned one of my party's legitimate use of disabled spaces or priority seats. Oddly no-ones tried it with me they just prefer to walk into me.

I actually looked like a baby when I had my first. I was only 19, but probably looked about 14! I used to get funny looks and comments all the time. It used to upset me a lot. I actually had people talking to me in a sort of slowed down way, as for some reason, me looking so young seemed to make them think I wouldn't understand them if they spoke at a normal pace!

Any way, now I'm 33 and really pleased when someone says I look too young to have kids as old as I do. I'm also a bit disappointed when I don't get ask for ID.

I know it's annoying OP, but just try to be pleased that you look so youthful, and will hopefully stay that way for some time. I actually work with people 8 or 9 years younger than me who look older, and now I think it's great. 😁

It’s annoying, I have the same thing. I recently took my 5 year old to a birthday party, and the dad of the child asked a friend of mine ‘whose that teenager’ I’m 29.

Just smile, and say ‘I’m actually x years old’ I normally make a joke now and say ‘I’ll thank you for that comment when I’m 40’

Take it on the chin, don’t let it bother you.

A couple of years ago I was helping out at my daughters dance show, and got mistaken for one of the kids! Twice!

I get this. I have three children but get told I look about 17. I get comments ranging from mildly annoying to judgemental and offensive.

The most annoying one was when I was out with DH in a pub. Nothing fancy and was ordering fish and chips and a soft drink. I was asked for ID which I didn't have on me and didn't think I'd need for a pub meal and non alcoholic drink. I was refused service and told no under 18s allowed after 7pm and I had to leave. DH showed his ID and told them I am two years older than him but we still got chucked out.