People always surprised I'm a mum and it's starting to get boring...

[billieD]

I have an 11 week old (nearly 12 weeks). I'm 27 but look quite a bit younger, especially with no makeup. I got refused a scratch card because I didn't look old enough (16) - I even had my baby in a sling.

Basically, people always seem surprised that I'm a mum. I think parked in a parent and child parking space the other day, and a man (who clearly was struggling to find a space big enough for his car) shouted 'you know you're only meant to park there if you have kids!' - I wish he could've watched me take my baby out of his car seat but he had driven off.

I went to the hospital with my baby and my mum (routine check up for mum). Mum was holding my son and the woman next to us in the waiting area thought I was his sister! I explained that I am his mum, and she just wittered on about how I look far too young.

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST nor a good thing for my self esteem as I don't want to look like a 16 year old girl.

At my first day at work someone got in trouble for saying that my boyfriend must feel like a paedo being with me. This all happened behind my back and I was gutted when I found out.

I'm fed up of people thinking this was about me. How can I stop giving a shit? And feel confident even though I clearly look like a 14 year old?

Well get used to it... from experience it doesn’t change!! I am 34 married with a 5 yr old and 3 yr old and People are always shocked to learn this!! I started a new job recently and a member of the staff asked me if I was in on work experience from university!! Errrmm no I’ve been qualified 10 yrs now 😂😂 honestly A’s you get older the more you actually love it!!

OP I'm 28 with an 11 year old daughter who looks older. So you can probably imagine.
Especially because I too look young (older than a few years ago now I've had my second), I'm short and dress alternative and have quite a young face.
People don't take me seriously and question if my daughter is mine and react when I say she is.
I'm with a man ten years older than me and we have had some strange looks and been asked if I'm his daughter and it does hurt.
I have no useful advice for you, other than not to let people treat you badly (esp deal with your racist work colleagues). I've always thought when I get older I will suddenly age terribly and look much older than I am.

People used to always think I was younger than I was. Now when I look back I can see a huge amount of it was down to how I dressed and presented myself. I wasn’t immature but I didn’t stand/act with poise and confidence and it made a massive difference to how I came across and it showed in the way people treated me.

chocolatecoveredraisons, go onto the barely legal porn site, you'll see what I mean.

There's a difference in looking young and looking childlike.

The OP said she'd pass for 14.

I had exactly the same thing OP when I had my son at 21. people would ask if it was my little baby brother I was looking after.
Enjoy it while you can, I'm 57 now and look it

@Birdsgottafly WTAF

I used to get this when I was 23 and had my first , 38 now and on my forth ... yeah it doesn’t happen anymore
Enjoy it while it lasts and you don’t look in the mirror and think .. where did it all go

Id be fuming too. I was mistaken as slightly older when I was a teenager because I had a certain kind of confidence (well, it appeared like confidence, it's actually just my adhd making me seem forward) but the older I got, the younger people thought I was. Two years ago I finished uni, I was turning 34. I popped to the bar with some class mates who assumed I was 21, 22. Their jaws dropped when I told them my age. God I laughed. But I don't act my age either.

It does piss.me off when people assume there'shings about me based on a perceived age. But I don't think I've ever had it as bad as it sounds like you get it. The paedo comment is bang out of order. I'm sorry.

I know what you mean, although I don't have children yet. Its very frustrating when people always assume you are younger.
I hate it when people ID you and then say "oh sorry" or make some comment about how young you look when they see your date of birth.
(In my 30s now and get ID'd less often now so must be aging a bit now though.)

I think it is very reasonable to be upset, though don't have any solution.

Would be best if everyone would follow a policy of not making assumptions or comments about anyone's age until you get to know them. You can't always tell whether some women (or some men actually) are 15 or 40 just by looking at them.

@Birdsgottafly because you are apparently only talking about women who can pass as 14. I am one of those women so clearly whether you meant to or not, you referred to women like me.

This isn't a thread to talk about men who actively pursue women like me who look like little girls and don't think it's particularly relevant to this thread either. The fact that you're talking about it being due to you working in child protection makes it even worse.

I've had the same for years and I'm 43 now.

I get mistaken for my oldest DS's girlfriend,my oldest DS is 22 and I've been mistaken for being my DH's Daughter and my poor DH is 7 years younger than me.

I've got used to it,the same happened to my mother for years because she looked so much younger than she was.

The only thing that still pisses me off is if I try to ring up for a take away and they ask to speak to a parent or an adult,I am the fucking adult,so now I make my DH ring up and order instead

It is shit when people try to judge you because they think your so young and what was said about your partner is unforgivable and I would be bloody fuming in your shoes.

The only advice I can give is try to take as much of it in your stride as you can,hold your head up high,back straight and smile,the less head space you give to anyone who is negative towards you the better

@billieD

I have no idea why so many people would be so surprised you are a mum. At 27 I am sure you look younger as I looked 21 at that age, but I doubt that you look 12.

I think you my be blowing things out of proportion, and I am willing to bet that no more than 2 or 3 people have said something.

I actually really feel for you, OP. I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum and as an older mum, I feel like I’m constantly justifying why I have a 4 year old at 46 (and I really look my age and more). It’s funny how it does get to you because whether you’re a young looking mum like you or an older mum like me, undeniably we’re being judged and ruled by our supposed or actual age.

@Birdsgottafly you are bringing your own issues to other people and their relationships. I'm sure the OPs partner loves her for her personality, and knowing that she isn't a teenager, her looking young isn't an issue.

BirdsGottaFly You are not making yourself look any better here by continually harping on about porn sites.

I got far too much unpleasant attention as a young woman due to my race - not Black, but mixed race seen as "exotic" and yes there is plenty of porn out there. It would be racist and vile to suggest that my partner and father of my child was a fetishist. You might not realise this, but adult non-white women can actually clock a creepy fetishist from fucking miles away. We are competent adults not little children.

*may be blowing things out of proportion.

I lose a lot of respect at work simply on the base of appearing younger than I am (also for being exactly as female as I am). It is ageism and is illegal under employment law. It doesn't matter for the qualities act whether you ARE young or if people just think you are. Abuse and unfavourable treatment on the basis of your perceived age is covered. So it racism of course!

Please do what you can to raise this with managers and get everybody on some sort of equalities training.

Ignore the shallow jealous people who can't raise sufficient empathy to realise how undermining and distressing it is to be constantly mistaken for a child, or very young and inexperienced adult when you are actually a perfectly competent and worldly 27 yo.

@robininbrum no, a lot of people have said things to me. It doesn't help that I'm 5ft exactly.

I got ID'd for a club at aged 28 .

You can't change it for now - just enjoy it and be glad that in 10 years time you'll probably still look a lot younger

The incident at work is appalling. Have you involved HR? THere should be a formal disciplinary process.

I do get what you mean about other aspects of it though. DH and I are the same age, we met at school. I have always looked younger than my age and he has looked older. People assume I married him for him money (utterly incorrect in every respect) and that he bagged a younger wife. Once or twice people have assumed he is my father

Generally it gets better once I speak because when I open my mouth it is evident I am confident and older. Don't let it get you down, carry yourself with confidence and it will come across...at some point!

How did your employer deal with the racism?

I get the being judged for being younger but not so much now I’m 40 (until they find out that I have an 18 year old). I chose to ignore comments (even the so called good ones ‘you’ll be glad when you are older’). The racism takes it to a whole new level op!

I sympathise with OP I'd love to look like I was 25, I wouldn't want to look like I was 15.

I’m now 40 and have had this issue all my life, and yes, it is an issue to be constantly mistaken for a child, rather than simply young, through one’s adult life.

Luckily, people seem to take me for a young adult these days rather than a teenager (which can still present challenges), but thank fuck I didn’t have kids even in my late twenties as people thought I was 17/18 until I was about 35. I can just imagine the comments I’d have received walking around with a few kids in tow.

Sympathies, OP.

I understand how you feel as I have a friend who looks very young. She has always been short and ever so slim too. At 33 she still carries ID and uses it, but she also gets rid of doorstep callers by saying her mum isnt home! She has an eight year old dd!

Do you dress 'young'? A bit of mum uniform might be advantageous.