People always surprised I'm a mum and it's starting to get boring...

[billieD]

I have an 11 week old (nearly 12 weeks). I'm 27 but look quite a bit younger, especially with no makeup. I got refused a scratch card because I didn't look old enough (16) - I even had my baby in a sling.

Basically, people always seem surprised that I'm a mum. I think parked in a parent and child parking space the other day, and a man (who clearly was struggling to find a space big enough for his car) shouted 'you know you're only meant to park there if you have kids!' - I wish he could've watched me take my baby out of his car seat but he had driven off.

I went to the hospital with my baby and my mum (routine check up for mum). Mum was holding my son and the woman next to us in the waiting area thought I was his sister! I explained that I am his mum, and she just wittered on about how I look far too young.

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST nor a good thing for my self esteem as I don't want to look like a 16 year old girl.

At my first day at work someone got in trouble for saying that my boyfriend must feel like a paedo being with me. This all happened behind my back and I was gutted when I found out.

I'm fed up of people thinking this was about me. How can I stop giving a shit? And feel confident even though I clearly look like a 14 year old?

It's also because I was part of a child protection team.

You must be at a really loose end if you’ve time to fret about what legal adults legally get up to in their spare time.

i had the same problem, nearly lost a part time bar job because they thought I was underage....I was 23.
In my career I wore my hair up, suits or blouse and skirt and always makeup. I appreciate the clothes wouldn't work with a baby, but try an older hairstyle and perhaps think about your makeup.
Ps It's brilliant now I'm 63!!

cucumbergin I hear you on this, I’m mixed race and had to endure the whole exotic yellow fever weirdos. It’s not been helped by the rise of anime either.

Op I remember being too embarrassed to tell the train conductor that I didn’t want a childs fare when I was getting a train on my way to sit professional exams in my twenties. My DH is a couple of younger than me we married when I was 32. I looked really very young and still probably could have passed as a teenager. I remember worrying if we went to certain countries people would have thought he was buying my company.

The only upshot is looking considerably younger when your older, I’m 52 and due to a contract I was sorting out this week where my date of birth was needed the people I was dealing with found it hard to believe as they thought I was in my late thirties.

Your work colleagues are totally out of order.

Finding out someone said my boyfriend must feel like a paedophile for being with me was pretty hurtful.

Yeah I have been told by a few people that they are ‘surprised I have children’, whatever that means. Unsure whether it’s an age thing or rather the fact I don’t ‘look like a mum’ (not sure what that looks like either). You just learn to deal with it like any other irritating comment strangers make.

Yeah I have been told by a few people that they are ‘surprised I have children’, whatever that means. Unsure whether it’s an age thing or rather the fact I don’t ‘look like a mum’ (not sure what that looks like either). You just learn to deal with it like any other irritating comment strangers make.

If it’s any help, throw in a year or two of sleepless nights & you’ll look older.

What does "black don't crack" mean? I have not come across this? I think your place of work sounds absolutely appalling though.

What's the face for @robininbrum ?

99.9% of people want to look young.

Ffs what a ridiculous reply. 99.9% of people do not want to look like a teenager.

Serin it’s a phrase people use because black people are considered to age well/not get wrinkles. It shouldn’t be used in the work place.

There are things you can do OP.

I know it sounds extreme but I’ve known someone use small amounts of silver dye through their hair to make it look as if they are starting to go grey. Short hair tends to look more mature so perhaps a short cut might help.

Also make up can be done to make you look older.

Maybe some glasses with clear lenses? Glasses can help you look more mature.

I realise dying hair and make up are probably not top priority since you have a young baby. The glasses could help day to day if you just want to go about your business with babe in tow without nasty comments.

I ran the full gamut of paedo jokes in my 20s, OP. The same people who made them would then wonder why I was reluctant to date or believe that anyone could genuinely be interested in me. (“well, maybe because I keep hearing that I’d be a perfect way to keep child molesters out of jail”?)

These threads tend to proceed along very predictable lines though.

1. You get accused of stealth boasting or not appreciating when you’re onto a good thing.
2. You’ll appreciate it when you’re older (I’m 40 and still waiting).
3. Finally, a simple refusal that anyone over the age of 25 could possibly pass for a teenager. Therefore you must be a fantasist.

OP, so sorry you have had this treatment from people. As above, the work thing is bang out of order. HR would be interested to see the emails. Unacceptable.

People in the street - yeah its a tough one. When you are a mum you constantly get comments - if its not your bump size its why is he/she crying, or are you having another one?

I can see its hurtful to get negative comments on age perception though. As people have said, ask in style pages for presentation advice if that helps.

TBH though Its plain silly that we are judged as looking too old or too young to have a baby. There are a lot of silly attitudes still floating about out there, if you can try to let it roll off - they don't know you, they are random strangers. You don't need to take their daft brainwave on board. If it helps - visualise the comment hitting your invisible shield and sliding to the floor where it belongs. You could have a t shirt with 'I'm older than you think' on the back, or baby on board car sticker for the car park numpties.

As they say - always wear your invisible crown (to go with the force field). Good luck and focus on being a lovely mum to your baby. Its a great thing to be someone's mum xX

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST
If you say so...lol

It’s awful how much prejudice you’ve experienced all based in your looks. Remember you’re more intelligent than the idiots judging you, let the mistakes pass eg lottery, but have some choice replies ready for people who think it’s appropriate to air their prejudices and show them that actually you’re a grown woman and mother who demands respect.

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST
If you say so...lol

See what I mean about predictability, OP?

Next you’ll be asked to post a recent picture of yourself. Cue someone wading in to tell you they’d never have pegged you for a day under 89 and you must have tickets on yourself.

I used to get this, well into my 30s. I used to find it so irritating when I was in my 20s and still didn’t appreciate that I wouldn’t look like that forever! By the time I turned 30 I’d learnt to take the compliment. Once my kids took their toll on my body/face though (almost instantly ) it stopped happening. So don’t worry OP it won’t last forever, kids are very ageing. And unfortunately it’s quite hard impossible to reverse the effects.

Enjoy it while you can! It must be very frustrating, but you will age soon enough. Then you'll be wishing for these days back again.

Everyone tells me they’re surprised I have children when they find out.

I’m 34 now. I still get asked for ID occasionally. Even the amazon delivery driver asked me if I was over 18 to accept a parcel recently In the states recently the barman was that I was over 21, but I’ve noticed a lot of Americans look like adults from 14 so it’s probably hard to tell!

Anyway. It bothered me ten years ago. It doesn’t now. I just find it hilarious. Even better - my oldest step son (who lives with us) is 16 and looks older. So we basically look like an 18 and a 21 year old wandering around together. Maybe one day soon he’ll look older than me

I just find it funny now, not offensive. If people don’t have anything better to do with their time than make snippy comments then that’s their problem! Maybe it’s an age thing.

Get an 'adult' haircut (not long hair).

My best friend is 37. She can’t buy a wine in the supermarket.
Honestly she finds it completely disheartening.
Similar to you she battles to exert herself in work circumstances and people think she’s young and inexperienced (which she totally isn’t) and always comes from the back foot.
Also she’s from Asian decent and when people find out her age they always bring up her race.
It’s actually has really hindered her career.
So my sympathies. Oh. And complain about work. Totally out of order.

Older people generally have an air of inner confidence (for want of a better description) about them that teenagers lack. As well as dressing, wearing make up and wearing your hair in an older style, think about now posture, voice and accessories create the overall impression of someone's age alongside their physical appearance.

I'm going to give some examples, but please don't imply that I am criticising you if you don't do these or if you do but people are still not taking you seriously as an adult.

Think of people who had or have “presence” - the ones that other people just assume know what is happening in any given situation or are in charge. Copy their mannerisms, so head high, looking people in the eye etc. Try to lower the tone of your voice so it is not shrill, avoid the rising “question” intonation at the end of a sentence and teen-style imprecise phrasing. Carry "clues" to being grown up, e.g. car keys or a phone with a suitable cover, and things of better quality than you might expect a teenager to have e.g. bag, watch, jewellery, pen.

(I'm now going off to reminisce about the far-off days of being charged child fares on the bus without asking specifically for them, even though I was almost OP's age.)

I don’t think you should change your appearance to make others think you look older, but maybe think about what you wear that gives you confidence.

I had my daughter young and looked even younger.
Every single time I met someone at a baby group or w.e, they would make polite conversation, then lower their voice and with the exact same smile every Fing time say 'so how old are you??'

I mean, I was 20, but I looked 14. People think it's a stealth boast but try having a sick, teething baby with a temperature, running out to the shops to get calpol for her, and having the sale turned down because you forgot your ID, everyone glaring at you because your dribbly baby is screaming the shop down in her pram and you look like a scruffy teenager. Will I appreciate that when I'm older?

We live in a small town and once, my partner overheard a woman on the bus pointing him out to her friend in stage whisper because he had a baby with someone far too young, barely even a teenager he's only 2 years older than me but actually looks his age.

I get where you’re coming from - same for me at your age and I found it very annoying! Lasted a long while (even 34 when had DS2 and the midwife commented on how lovely to be so young having second child! She misread my dob and assumed was 24!). It does stop is all I can tell you - though you will not mind so much when you’re over 40.