People always surprised I'm a mum and it's starting to get boring...

[billieD]

I have an 11 week old (nearly 12 weeks). I'm 27 but look quite a bit younger, especially with no makeup. I got refused a scratch card because I didn't look old enough (16) - I even had my baby in a sling.

Basically, people always seem surprised that I'm a mum. I think parked in a parent and child parking space the other day, and a man (who clearly was struggling to find a space big enough for his car) shouted 'you know you're only meant to park there if you have kids!' - I wish he could've watched me take my baby out of his car seat but he had driven off.

I went to the hospital with my baby and my mum (routine check up for mum). Mum was holding my son and the woman next to us in the waiting area thought I was his sister! I explained that I am his mum, and she just wittered on about how I look far too young.

THIS IS NOT A STEALTH BOAST nor a good thing for my self esteem as I don't want to look like a 16 year old girl.

At my first day at work someone got in trouble for saying that my boyfriend must feel like a paedo being with me. This all happened behind my back and I was gutted when I found out.

I'm fed up of people thinking this was about me. How can I stop giving a shit? And feel confident even though I clearly look like a 14 year old?

Omg just read your update. Thats simply awful.

Be proud of it! Everyone assumes DC3 (almost 2) is my first.... when I say I have a 10 year old and a 12 year old too they are always visibly shocked

People have mistaken me and DD for sisters too 😂

Christ that’s awful op

@birdsgottafly how did those private conversations go? I hope you didn't imply that these men were perverts for being in a relationship with an adult

Dunno is this more about bullying than it is about looking too young to be honest. That’s nasty what they said.

Birdsgottafly
Sorry you've actively judged a man for being with a woman who looks young. Is that actually for real.

Relationships are based on a lot more than looks. Personality maturity etc.

People have lost the plot

Once in Tesco I was IDd for a scratch card and the woman behind the till then went on to announce to the whole cue "OMG look this girl is 24, can you believe that?!" While waving my ID in the air. I wanted the ground to eat me.

Also just read the update. That is not acceptable.

I get it you too. I'm 38 and was IDd for wine the other day. I must admit I don't mind now but when I was your ager I hated that I wasn't taken seriously at work. People assumed I was a fresh graduate, not someone with 5 yrs experience. Especially in meetings with external agencies etc, I could feel myself getting talked across as people assumed I was very junior. I found that once I started talking with confidence and authority in those situations people stopped ignoring me pretty quickly. People are still surprised at my age now though.

When I was first with my DH and we bumped into a friend of his, friend asked if I was his younger (16yr old) sister. I was gutted. It was nothing to do with how I dressed, especially in a work environment - I was dressed like everyone else.

I didn't become at mum until 34 so didn't experience what you're experiencing now though. I'm sorry it's not nice for you. I'm afraid I don't have much advice other than to brush it off and not care what others might think.

That's Racism OP and I hope it was dealt with as such.

Tbh, you've got to get past the skin/younger looking thing because black skin ages better than white and that'll bring comments when you're 40+.

@Birdsgottafly I will admit that I've had private conversations about Men who are with very childlike looking Women

That's awful imo.

You have a very valid point in your concerns.

Everyone wants to look a certain way and that is because society (unfortunately) does judge on outward appearance. It's hard enough (still despite it being 2019) to be taken seriously as a woman at times let alone one who looks very young for a mature role.

Could you visit a hairdresser and ask if there's any type of haircut that would make you look older? I still looked young when I had ds but not as young as you. When I turned 30 (and he was 6!) people were surprised as ty thought I was very early 20's. (Younger than when I had him ).

The comment about your boyfriend is just horrific and totally inappropriate. Sorry that happened.

I understand! I’m in my mid/late 30s - it’s lovely to get ID’d, but at the same time it can get pretty tiresome. Even more so when I’ve got my eldest child with me (tall for her age) and have comments about “you must have had her young”! 1. No, 2. None of your damn business if I had anyway!

Definitely try to take it as a compliment, and if people are arsey take the PA route. (A woman yesterday was ready to refuse service because my driving license had fallen out in my bag and I was struggling to find it. She made it very clear she thought I was lying, waiting with pursed lips...so I took great pleasure in handing over ID when I found it with “see? XX years old...”)

Ah, just saw the update bringing your race into it. Don't brush that off, that's awful.

chocolatecoveredraisons, I'm talking really young looking Women, who could pass for 14 etc.

It's different if you meet at work etc and become interested in the other person. But to actively persue a Woman who looks underage, firstly in a sexual way, is iffy in my experience.

I'm 51 now and I've known Men who all their lives have gone with such Women.

The 'barely legal' porn sites deliberately have Women who look like children on them.

Of course yanbu to be upset we all have things that push our buttons so to speak
Just because some want to look younger it doesn't mean you aren't valid in not wanting to be taken less seriously because you do

However there is a real element here I'm afraid of toughening up

If you don't like it correct people , challenge it , if you become aware of comments behind your back challenge it assertively (not aggressively) and keep doing it
You don't have to accept it

Alternatively why do you actually care ? Does it affect promotions at work ? If yes then challenge it if not why is it relevant what people think of you

Someone will always judge no matter what either deal with it or stop caring what they think

OP If you have not already, you need to get your union to address the comments made by email. Do you have copies of these emails or could you get them? You need to start a challenge against all of the comments from work. How dreadful for you.

Nope still not on at all. You sound extremely judgemental. I could pass for half my age. My personality and my maturity is that of someone a lot older than my age. You would probably have the conversation about my partner. I find it xtremely offensive. It is not my fault I look young

I understand how you feel OP. Just because some people like to look younger, it doesn't mean you should feel happy when people are rude to you.

I know what it's like OP. I looked a lot younger when in my teens /20s.
Nobody ever took me seriously and I often felt I was spoken to like I was a child. It really affected my self confidence, especially since I was the eldest amongst my group of friends /siblings but would be the only one that would get asked for ID. It was very embarrassing.

I didn't want to look older, I just wanted to look my age.

People would say 'wear make-up or change the way you dress' but this didn't help... people would assume I was a teen playing dressing up.

I would also get told that I was lucky and at the time I didn't see it. Now I'm in my early 40s and it's not really a problem anymore. I still look younger (so I am told) and often get mistaken for my early 30s but I can live with that

@Birdsgottafly so basically me then...

billieD, read my update.

It's also because I was part of a child protection team.

It depends on whether it's facial or body as well.

As said, I've known Men to deliberately chase younger looking Women and then dump them when they get to about 25 and start all over again. That's iffy.

But the OP is experiencing Racism.

Yes that would annoy me.. I don't want to look younger.

Maybe if I was 40 I would want to look 30 but never younger than 25ish as I would still want to look like an adult and having people think I was 16 would crush me.
I'm a woman not a child.

Part of child protection. Not adults who look young. Ffs. You are ridiculous.

billieD, how is it you?

Does your DP have a history with Women who look like children? Did he just persue you sexually?