Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager keeps talking about me being on a diet. Aibu?

164 replies

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:11

I've been going to Sw for years and lost several stone. I have one stone to go. My Manager is constantly bringing up me being on a diet into every conversation even if other people are there. She scrutinises everything I eat and even if we are on a night out she's discussing it if I'm eating. She tells me to just eat soup. She asks me very week if I have lost and I say for example a pound she will start laughing saying is that it?? I walk out the door to go my sw and she asks how much to go now and then starts rolling her eyes. I'm in a new job so don't want to rock the boat where it's a small business and she is the manager. She is thin and never had kids. I keep changing the subject as she keeps saying I'm always eating and talking about food but i never bring it up she is the one who does. i only told her because my old workplace was really supportive and we all helped each other with recipes. I really don't know how to deal with this. I thought she would forget if I don't bring it up. I really regret telling her about it. Any ideas what to say next time she starts talking about it? I don't want a big confrontation as a new job but I think I need to put her in her place.

OP posts:
rabbitfoodadvocate · 12/01/2019 09:14

Just ask her to stop bringing it up as it is private and you wouldn't have said anything if you thought it would be discussed all the time.

She's obviously just one of those women that hates seeing others do really well. So in lieu of her... you're doing amazing!!

ShatnersBassoon · 12/01/2019 09:16

"I'd rather not talk about it." That's all you need to keep saying. I imagine she's not a great conversationalist and your diet simply is her go to topic, the one thing she knows about you. You don't need to put her in her place, you just need to stop the diet conversations before they start.

Theunreasonableone · 12/01/2019 09:19

The sounds like a bloody nightmare and I’m guessing her bringing up your weight is just an excuse for her to be fucking horrible. How is she with the rest of the team? Have you noticed if she uses any of their ‘failures’ (I’m not saying your see a failure at all but I hope you get my meaning) against them?

Personally I would tell her to please keep her opinions on your diet and private life to herself. Make it very clear that it’s not up for discussion and shut her down every time she says something. Even if that means blatantly ignoring her if she, for example, asks you how much weight you’ve lost that week.

Good luck Flowers

Cauliflowersqueeze · 12/01/2019 09:26

Just give her ridiculous figures and smile.

Yes this week I lost 28 stone I’m so pleased.

I only have a quarter of a pound to go now but this week I’ve already lost 8 stone.

Or tell her you’ve reached your target now and you’re thrilled to bits and you’ve been nominated for slimmer of the year how fabulous is that?

Should shut her up

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:26

I wondered if she wasn't a good conversationalist as well but I literally cannot get her to stop talking about it 😭😭. I'm finding it really embarrassing now and it's making me paranoid about eating in front of anyone. I'm not very assertive.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 12/01/2019 09:29

tell her you’ve reached your target now and you’re thrilled to bits and you’ve been nominated for slimmer of the year how fabulous is that?

I agree with this! Any more odd comments from her, just smile and ignore. Literally change the subject/talk to someone else.

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:29

She did have a go at our other Manager when he went and got a biscuit out of the biscuit tin. He was really miffed saying be had been for a run.

OP posts:
LokiBear · 12/01/2019 09:31

When she says 'How much have you lost this week?' Say 'you ask me that same question every week, did you know that?' This will invariably cause her to follow with a comment about being interested or supportive. To which you can reply 'thanks, I really appreciate it, but I don't like to talk about it if im honest.' Then leave it as that.

Stardustinmyeyes · 12/01/2019 09:33

You don't need to be assertive,
Try the ridiculous answers suggested or just answer I don't know to every question unless the question is about work

Solina · 12/01/2019 09:34

I would tell her you are in target now too. And then tell her its none of her business anymore if she asks about your weight. And if she comments on anything you eat like the man with a biscuit I would say something along the lines of "who made you a biscuit police?"
Hate people like that!

rabbitfoodadvocate · 12/01/2019 09:35

Ohhhhh, ok. She has personal food control issues! Ahhh, different thing. She's projecting.

Eat with confidence and shut down progress talk as it's private! She's an unhealthy person so don't get dragged in.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 12/01/2019 09:38

You mention that she is thin. Does her relationship with her own food seem to be im order? Is it possible that she has an eating disorder?

XiCi · 12/01/2019 09:39

i only told her because my old workplace was really supportive and we all helped each other with recipes

So when you started your job did you talk about it alot? I only ask because 3 people on my team do sw and literally all they talk about all day is recipes, syns, food and weigh ins. All day, every day. Maybe if that was your conversation when you started the job she feels its something she can talk to you about, albeit in a very cack handed way.

Santaclarita · 12/01/2019 09:40

She has food issues. Bring in a big chocolate cake for the office. It will just wind the bitch up. Say you are celebrating hitting your target with a nice treat.

MrsTommyBanks · 12/01/2019 09:42

Sounds like she is projecting her own issues with food onto you.
Tell her you've reached your target weight and not going anymore.
Well done on doing so well. I'm really struggling to lose extra weight atm.

Neolara · 12/01/2019 09:46

Maybe she has or has had an eating disorder. Sounds very odd. Talking about diets incessantly is boring.

I think you maybe need to explicitly say you don't want to talk about it as she clearly hasn't picked up the hint

SaturdayNext · 12/01/2019 09:46

Every time she brings the subject up, say "You say I always talk about food, so I've decided not to" or "Remember we agreed not to talk about eating and food" and carry on with your work. If she can't get a response from you she'll stop eventually.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 12/01/2019 09:47

One of my favourite things when people like this ask for “ooooh just a tiny piece for me” when I bring in a cake is to cut them literally a paper thin piece and ask them if that’s ok or they want me to halve it. Invariably they then say “oh ok um actually I can probably manage a little more” “really?? MORE!???”

So incredibly annoying people commenting on biscuit and “unhealthy food” consumption

Branleuse · 12/01/2019 09:48

Id put bets on her having an ED and being preoccupied with food and weight in general

Surfingtheweb · 12/01/2019 09:49

Ask if you can have a 121 or book a "catch up" in her diary. Then in private explain that you don't want her to ask about your diet. 9 times out of 10 managers do not realise the impact they have on their team. But if you do not directly say you don't want the conversations she won't know. Nip it in the bud now so that your upset & frustration doesn't continue to grow.

daisychain01 · 12/01/2019 09:49

Don't socialise with her, that often blurs the boundaries. Pull back from anything other than conversations about work. That may be difficult depending on the office culture but if it's embarrassing to you, this will hopefully give her a message.

Then if she insists on continuing to discuss how much food you ingest, like she's your mother or something, have a private meeting and say you would prefer her not to embarrass you in public, and hopefully she's noticed you've recently tried to stick with discussions about work, so can she please respect that.

Juells · 12/01/2019 09:50

Tell her you've left SW as you found it pointless, and you're happy with your weight. Grin Or that you've reached your target weight. Anything, any nonsense. She'd drive me bonkers.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 12/01/2019 09:51

If she's the one who is constantly bringing it up, then I guarantee that the bystanders aren't thinking it's you - they'll be rolling their eyes at her.

Do you have regular 1-2-1 meetings with her? If you do, then in the next one wait until the point where she asks you about how you think things have been going and bring it up. Tell her that you've noticed that she brings up your diet all the time and that you are regretting having mentioned it to her. That you would prefer it if she could stop talking about it as it's making you uncomfortable and upset.

She may well respond by saying that she's only trying to be supportive (yeah right!). In which case tell her that you appreciate it, but that you don't want your weight to be endlessly discussed in public and that you get all the support you need outside of work.

If she continues to do it then go to HR. I'm a manager and if someone in my team was behaving like this I'd be having a quiet word with them to tell them to pack it in, because it's verging on bullying and harassment.

PinkHeart5914 · 12/01/2019 09:52

Ah I hate food police people. Seriously who does she think she is commenting on your food and how much weight you lost that week and policing the poor mans biscuits.

God she needs to get a life!

I’d just say I’d hit my goal and never mention sw or diet ever, she doesn’t need to know where you go when not at work

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/01/2019 09:56

Just say “It’s going well but I’m not going to talk about it at work, thanks”. You might find there’s an awkward silence or an eye roll, but she should get the message.

I Worked with a woman who used to get very cross when people talked about diets, food, weightwatching etc. She acted as though they had the problem but in reality it was her. She managed her weight by running obsessively.